Co-counsel: Our vehicle section on this petition is a little weak. Me: It’s a habeas case. What are we supposed to say? “Despite this Court’s well know predilection for lighting habeas petitions on fire to warm the Courtroom, the Court should nevertheless…” Co-counsel: Let’s not write that.

🎶When..you're.. shitposting online and committing a crime, that's a bad day. When they say "we're FBI" and you say "happy to comply", thats a bad day Alarm bells should ring, but you volunteer a thing, with incriminating sting and you'll sing "Goin' to Jaila"🎶 www.ca4.uscourts.gov/opinions/244...

Partner: can you do the findings of fact and conclusions of law for the trial? Me: I didn’t conduct the trial, that was you and associate. Partner: Yeah, but you wrote a section of the trial brief and I decompressed to you after trial. So you know the case. Me: This is highly irregular.

I think they need to make a Zoolander 3 where Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are baffled by livestreamers and looksmaxxers who are controlled by some sort of conspiracy. The influencers split between those following Stiller based on his superior intellect and those who don’t because he’s old and busted

I hope Clavicular is okay. But I don’t see the appeal of live-streaming drug use, and I definitely don’t see the appeal of doing so in an empty bar.

Folks, there are lots of context clues here. It's almost all context clues.

The results in Hungary do not in anyway provide evidence of the efficacy of voting versus firebombing a Walmart as Hungary does not have any Walmarts to firebomb.

Conceding is better than most of the alternatives when a leader with authoritarian tendencies loses an election.

So we send up a gigantic rocket and all we get back is a tiny capsule and our 4 astronauts? I feel like space got the better of this bargain.

I am a learned man on some issues. But my head is also filled with a disproportionate amount of information about 90s-00s baseball.

A former judge and former criminal defense attorney once described being a CDA as the batter running out the play on a ground ball to the short stop. A lot of the time, you’re going to be out. And you deserve to be out. CDAs live in the community too and they don’t want murders and robbers

As a reminder, if you are inclined to post violent rhetoric online, you should at least append each message with "when the revolution comes." Northern District of Oklahoma concluded the below could reasonably be found to be true threats by a jury. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

Assuming Fani is correct that he suffered adverse action, this seems insane. The University of Washington just lost a similar case in the Ninth Circuit in December. mynorthwest.com/local/uw-pro...

Trump fires yet another woman General.

Partner who doesn't like spicy food decided she was going to make the Buldak x2 spicy ramen because it was all she had left from the ramen pack I got her for her birthday. I offered to go buy her non-spicy ramen, but she declined. Ooo boy.

This new OLC memo slaps.

Let me be the first to congratulate Dana White on his upcoming appointment as the Attorney General of the United States of America!

Managing Partner: Does the Bible say anything about forgery? Me: Lying, deception and fraud. Not forgery specifically. MP: Is the forgery fraud in this specific case? Me: I think the Bible is colloquially using the word fraud. It's not listing out the 9 elements of fraud and standard of proof.

It’s not a super viral one, but I love it.

American exceptionalism baby!

Well this appears to be going well.

The Wong Kim Ark of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards Birthright Citizenship.

Interestingly, the one non-unanimous decision written by Alito that ruled in favor of the defendant in a criminal case that I can think of is Snyder v. Louisiana, 552 U.S. 472 (2008). It was also a Batson-related decision.

Trump’s administration has done a lot of outrageous things, I’m not sure why this one is making me even more mad than usual. Maybe it’s because it seems to be outrageous even under their own warped professed policies.

I just want to say that I think I’m a lot more kind about accommodating my wife’s hangovers than she is in accommodating mine.

@kenwhite.bsky.social I know you tried to ignore this when I brought it to your attention, but Josh knows now so it didn’t work. Happy recording.

11yo old: Angela is violating the girl code at school. Me: What’s the girl code. 11yo: Lots of stuff. Me: Name one provision of the girl code. 11yo: If a girl had a crush on a boy and they hung out, but the girl no longer has a crush on the boy, other girls are prohibited from having a /1

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the Anti-Deficiency Act is unconstitutional as applied to Trump under Robinson v. California, 370 U.S. 660 (1962). In Robinson, the Court held that it was unconstitutional to criminalize a status of a person. Trump can’t help but be deficient, it’s inherent

Tiger Woods needs to stop driving.

BREAKING: Josh Barro and @kenwhite.bsky.social served a lawsuit while recording an episode of Serious Trouble at CPAC.

Simple rule of lawyering: Do not draft a motion asking for vague relief and without providing a (required) proposed order. The judge would have to put in 10x the effort to rule in your favor than they would denying your motion.

This remake of Meet the Parents is going to be awesome.

On Friday at court, I heard the security officers say “6-7”. Tonight, my 4yo said “6-7”. I think we’re cooked chat…

Absolutely fantastic oral argument by counsel for the defendant Andrew Fleischman in this case. Hard to overstate how impressive ability to answer the questions of the court and build a rapport was. www.gasupreme.us/oral-argumen...

AND ANOTHER THING! BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP VIOLATES THE RULE AGAINST PERPETUITIES!

Reminder, just because you can’t copyright hot, sexy, dangerous boys does not necessarily mean they can’t be trademarked, patented, or constitute trade secrets (having independent economic value derived from not being generally known or readily ascertainable by others).

I’m willing to give Trump a clean slate if Siena beats Duke. A president that presided over that must be doing something right.

I know it’s a small issue, but Donald Trump wasn’t even born when Pearl Harbor happened. In no world can you blame the Japanese for not telling negative five year old Donald Trump about a planned military operation. You really shouldn’t even tell a 79 year old Trump about a planned attack.

Kenpom went up $5.00 a year. Inflation is getting out of control.

8yo after baseball practice: I forgot my dance shoes! Me: Crap, ok let’s go home real fast but you have to hustle. [8yo into the house] [8yo out of the house with dance shoes and a bag of Cheetos] Me: 8yo, “hustle” never, ever includes Cheetos!

Everyone stfu the Sixth Circuit issued *gigantic* AI sanctions storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

I can’t believe Ohio pretended to be a state for 150 years.

Vegas Baby!

Well that sure went off track fast.

Wait, so now being a piece of shit is grounds for being disqualified from a pardon? This constitutes a dramatic shift in recent pardoning history.