Take a break from reality with my podcast, My Sister’s A Therapist, where we talk to the amazing @mariabamford.bsky.social about toxic friendship, LA, and pugs! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/m...

Fact 1: I am about five foot, eleven inches tall Fact 2: nobody in my immediate family is taller than 5'6" Fact 3: I just brained myself on a planter Merry Christmas!

RIP!

2nd funniest person in Portland according to @heliumcomedypdx.bsky.social

Live to disappoint others! For your health! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/m...

The same comics who believed their mom that people were bullying them because they were jealous now believe headliners don't invite them to feature because they're too intimidated by their skills. (I'm those comics.)

link to info and tickets rooster-t-feathers.seatengine-sites.com/events/117988

More like Gary Abusey amirite

Check out this week’s episode of My Sister’s A Therapist, featuring amazing comic @brandazzle.bsky.social and her aphantastic brain! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/m...

Which caption is better?

I got eyes by Lasik, teeth by Invisalign, ass by Newman-O's.

Ok, we can either reward and value women based entirely on their physical appearance, or we can shame them for valuing and promoting their own physical appearance. You can see how doing both doesn't really make sense, right?

There’s nothing like a tennis sock popping off your heel inside your shoe to fill you with existential despair

What I’m looking forward to about death is I won’t have to promote stuff, or, at least, I hope I won’t? Any word on that?

Airplane WiFi is just good enough to pay for Airplane Wifi and nothing else

Wishing myself a happy birfday

After yesterday’s Vulture article abt Neil Gaiman‘s (alleged 🙄) history of sexually assaulting women- this is Bill Cosby for goths. Check in on your goth friends. I know we always seem anxious and depressed but it might be new levels.

Telling dirty jokes at Helium tonite at 11!

At a comedy festival, a man onstage is bitching about me calling him a toxic a-hole. I couldn’t be prouder.

DO NOT FLUSH

I’m not allowed to tell you why I’m promoting this show Saturday but if you live in Eugene you should come www.donttellcomedy.com/shows/eugene...

Ok but how about a movie where you have Hot to Go in your head for two days but on the third day you die

Wednesday in Vancouver, WA come watch the only Christmas program that matters, the Star Wars Holiday Special, hosted by @skotk.bsky.social!

What’s a nice way to ask if someone is using voice to text or if they are having a stroke?

PORTLAND! COMEDY IS COMING!

this hotel smells like gingerbread and Christmas. It’s gonna make me fall in love with Pittsburgh www.eventbrite.com/e/comedy-nig...

I was spacing out and thinking about Grace Jones' song from Frantic, "I've Seen That Face Before", which is a cover of Astor Piazzolla's Libertango at a gas pump. I got out and another Libertango is playing over the speakers. I have a superpower with zero practical crimefighting application.

Current Popular Comedy Tropes: Pretending To Be Mad About Small Things Fat Guys, Shirts Off If I Yell It, It's A Punchline I Pooped In Public, A Closer White People Interpreting Rap Lyrics Homeless People Are Weird That Time I Ate Too Much Pot Hillbilly Philosopher (Nihilism in a Trucker Cap)

Breaking news: Sen. Dianne Feinstein will not seek re-election

Monday! Free comedy at Weho’s training wheels gay bar!

Sometimes a person will say “sorry, I have no boundaries“ like it’s a fun thing and not terrifying

that thing where a cat sniffs your hand for a long time and then decides not to accept your attention? fuck that