Very proud to announce my car engine's new career– singing, for some reason. Mezzo-soprano. With beautiful vibrato

You're meeting me at a very unc time in my life

Eighteen, nineteen, lemon, twelve, thirteen! -niece

Am I the only person on the planet that tries to manually organize my phone pictures? I fear the answer is yes

The real star of the show today is digestive enzyme supplements 💗

Tomorrow I will defeat my family.

Like a cometLIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM IT'S MOORING

Inexplicable urge to post about OTC pain relief

Very helpfully reflecting on how I don't accomplish anything even things I really want & am basically useless

The time will pass anyway!!! 🙁

Just found out the psychiatrist I talked to a week ago has died??? It's crazy that people can die, like 40 year old people can just fucking die. Idk this is me processing

ROOKIE COP: All the rain is making it hard to gather evidence. GRIZZLED VETERAN COP: But it'll never be able to wash away the filth of this city. COTTON CANDY COP: *melts*

Why isn't Madame Morrible ever called a witch

deadass low-key whatever

Hopefully soon I'll stop wanting :)

I could never be an X-Man because I wouldn't be able to pick a name & stick with it

There's a squirrel in the tree outside my window. He has never sent an email

purikura princess (this is how i document clothes i make now )

Trying to conceptualize the rest of my year when I realize we're already 10 days into November. My year is basically over! Anyways happy new year

Just remembered I dreamed Julie Andrews had a second career as a contemporary fine artist

The MOON!!! It's doing it!!! It's really happening!!!

bitch is to bastard as witch is to wizard

What literally & absolutely the fuck now?

"I liked that." -5 year old niece's review of The Swan Princess

My eyes are up here! Nope. Okay down. Over to the left. No, sorry, my left.

Just been announced as the new face of treatment-refractory ADHD Inattentive Type by Psychiatrists Monthly

Me when I,

I'm the traffic :-)

Just saw what can only be described as a Pontiac

I once asked my doctor if Miralax was just microplastics & (1) she couldn't say for sure (2) she googled it & google seemed to say both yes & no. Also (3) I still use it even though I think it is.

Going on a 7 day family vacation to the beach tomorrow. Fully expect to get burnt to a crisp tbh

Well, Moon... You've done it again.

Beautiful men named NoReply are emailing me

Pronouncing "croissants" to rhyme with "moistens"

The thing about the military officers meeting today is this: do you know where a general keeps his armies?? I'll tell you where: up his sleevies

Well I wish they wouldn't

The most famous painting in the world, the Lisa Frank

The thing about the military officers meeting today is this: do you know where a general keeps his armies?? I'll tell you where: up his sleevies

Oh gosh the MOON. It's up there!!!!

Having productive, rational thoughts, like "I don't want an industrial design degree, I'm gay."

Trying to weed/winnow old class notes but it's hard because I still don't know what I want to do with my life

Nuder than most

Hey, quick Q: What's the point? Of it all

Container Store is a great place to get a classy-looking doohickey or thingamabob that will set you back $100.

You couldn't pay me to get on twitter right now

Ohmygosh the MOON

Some maps were talismans. Micronesian stick charts woven of palm and shell represented ocean swells and currents. To those who held the knowledge, the sea itself could be read like scripture. #MythologyMonday

Problem Boy! Digivolve to... Problem Man!!!

Going crazy on the Ya Ya Ya Song this morning (that's a song I wrote where all the lyrics are ya ya ya)