loading . . . Posts from the Liberal Dark Web, Ca. 2027 **Mima0100:** Hello! This is my first time on the “Dark Web.” My grandson recently set up Tor on my iPad. Question: Does anyone have any flu, COVID, and/or shingles vaccines for sale??? Or know where I can find them? I’m willing to pay up to $600. My grandkiddos said not to share my max price, but it’s for expediency—I’m trying to get them before flu season is underway. Blessings, and thanks in advance!
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**MississippiHandmaid:** I’m looking for a lockpick set that will work on a chastity belt. I think it uses a standard lever tumbler lock. My doctor diagnosed me with something called hyperchaffing, but said it was out of her hands. Unfortunately, I have no cash to offer, as only husbands can legally handle currency in my state. But I can barter. I can trade you fresh eggs, yams (either canned or fresh—I’ve canned so many yams, it’s all I have to do since my husband hasn’t signed a work release for me), or hand-sewn KISS T-shirts. I make the shirts for my husband and his friends. They’re pretty cool. I stuff a sock to make Gene Simmons’s tongue stick out of the shirt.
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**DentistryforAll:** NOTICE: Fluoride for sale. I make it in my basement. Don’t worry, I’m a trained university chemist. Five bucks for six ounces. I’m just charging break-even cost. No reason your kids’ teeth should rot just because Susan Collins has no conscience/backbone and voted to confirm a literal Batman villain to head our health agencies.
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**HarrietTLives2222:** We have a SECRET—strictly confidential—scholarship for Black college students. This is obviously illegal under the current administration, so no posting on LinkedIn or even bragging to your family if you receive it. The scholarship pays $5,000 per semester in untraceable cryptocurrency. We have established an overseas shell company to which you can forward your transcripts for consideration. Please also include a 500-word essay on your most significant accomplishments and life’s ambitions. Winners will be given documents outlining a backstory for how you paid for school this semester. You simply say you won a small jackpot in your local state lottery. We’ll even provide a counterfeit winning ticket to show if asked by Education Department agents.
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**StatsMonger11:** Real, accurate economic data for auction. It’s carefully culled from state agencies, manufacturers, retailers, and satellite imagery. Needless to say, it differs widely from the official numbers. The files self-destruct after a week of purchase, so get them into your business/economic/city planning models as quickly as possible and, obviously, never mention them to anyone.
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**Undergroundscholar:** I’ve spent the past five years researching a historical/fiscal/political framework for reparations to ancestors of enslaved people and displaced/state-murdered indigenous people. So, yes, definitely not for public consumption, but I was hoping I could find a few knowledgeable people to discuss and critique the framework. Mainly, I think I’m just lonely and miss talking about this stuff in classes/conferences. I pay in beers, chicken wings, and provocative conversation.
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**DanteK:** Help! I’m three years into a PhD in oncology and just lost my student visa over a parking ticket. Anybody know where I can get a forged F visa?
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**DarkEnergy7777:** We sell, install, and (most importantly) disguise home solar panels so DOE inspectors won’t see them on their patrols. We can plant shrubs around them, and have new super-thin models made to look like shingles. We can also create documentation showing that a previous owner installed them, should they be found, allowing you to plausibly deny that you ever knew they were there.
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**Blackmktbookseller:** I have eight copies of _I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings_ for sale, $30 each. But I have a standing 40 percent off discount for military cadets and teenagers in Texas/Florida/Oklahoma, and other select states. For your own protection, they come wrapped in the book cover for Sean Hannity’s _Live Free or Die_. I highly recommend you keep the cover on the book, no matter how triggering Hannity’s face is. You never know when the Feds are watching or if your Chick-fil-A cashier will report you! https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/posts-from-the-liberal-dark-web-ca-2027
