Be a shame if something happened to it

I’m always saying this

I just realized that old album covers often have the artist/title along the top edge bc it’s easier to see when you’re flipping through a crate of them

You’ve heard of elf on the shelf, now meet bill on the sill

Due to the government shutdown, there is now a rock in your shoe that won't come out no matter what

Mom: peter honey it’s time to get off the computer for a little bit Peter thiel: you are the biblical Antichrist

Hello from the completely empty airport shuttle that has been going around in circles for half an hour because the driver doesnt know how to get to terminal 2

Oh.. good

New sales strategies for the unleashing the power of linkedin linkedin + ai to cold call less edge and sell more

[art nudity] This is like if someone found out about furry pornography from an indistinctly overheard conversation on the bus and decided to give it a go

What doing basically any task feels like this year

Over the Gargron Wall

(internet-poisoned vegan hulk voice) MEAT CRINGE,

Did you know getrude stein wrote a children’s book

I have a little game where i imagine every @fesshole post was written by king charles iii

If you’re just tuning in to the world series now, please don’t get the wrong idea. Baseball is supposed to be boring, this is highly unusual and should not be applauded or encouraged

Hands included? What a steal

Flipping through a bin of vintage citrus box labels

Katie went as a bootleg labubu this year

At the grocery store, anyone need a toy car with shit on it

The reason everyone is so frustrated these days is because deleting an email isn't as satisfying as setting a letter alight and carelessly tossing it into the grate

I have formally removed the style, titles, and honours of princess margaret because she keeps trying to eat my egg

Come for the mascot, stay for the hand painted signs

It’s the 2032 election. legacy media has fully collapsed. The only source of news is social media posts. AI generated stories and clips outnumbered real ones by 100,000 to 1. nobody can agree on which candidates are running or indeed exist. On january 6, seventy-five unrelated groups […]

Margie looks so dignified in her new sweater ❤️

Now this is efficient baseball

Congratulations to kat abu for being the first one of my regular customers under federal indictment https://blockclubchicago.org/2025/10/29/broadview-ice-protesters-including-congressional-candidate-slapped-with-federal-conspiracy-charges/

Extremely 2025 experience of repeatedly failing to close the mobile game pop up ads on the app i use to track ice helicopters in my area

Shohei is like when you use a gameshark to give your guy all max stats

Katie made a pumpkin of my shop’s mascot, hank the rabbit

A single emoji can mean so many things

Good morning to the europeans who are confused about why everyone is talking about baseball

I’ve listened to the mighty mighty bosstones every day since i was 12 and i’ve never had a girlfriend

Going to start referring to superhero movies as Machine Plays

This is what it’s like to run a fedi server

🧶

[one battle after another] Oh my god

The trollope novel i’m reading has a character called Patience Crabstick, which i am telling you in case you have a new pet rat or perhaps a kitten that requires naming

[uspol] There are masked government agents in my city abducting people at random and throwing tear gas in crowded streets, people are forming ad hoc networks to alert neighbors and guard kids coming out of school, there are dozens of horrifying videos on r/chicago and r/illinois, but if you […]

[a simple way to halve your contact lens budget] Eyepatch

The heat still hasnt turned on in my building so i’m returning to the Old Ways

[speaking dreadful things into existence] They should get Jon McNaughton to do the ballroom ceiling fresco

Someone just paid for $56.23 of yarn with 57 dollar bills. Instantly iconic

My yarn order from denmark came two weeks faster than expected and apparently spent exactly 0 days in customs so it looks like my brilliant "they're probably just waving shit through now because of the shutdown" plan worked

I had a dream that there was a product category in japan called “afternoon shopping bar” which was like a snack to tide you over while you ran errands between lunch and dinner. The most popular brand was called Ezonium and it looked like medium rare ground beef but tasted different

This job advert is absolutely mindbogglingly batshit crazy from the first line all the way down to the salary. https://jobs.tutors.international/advert/612