[magic sam voice] baaaybee don't you wanna goooooo

great knowing that my MENSA membership protects me in my sleep, too

Torn Larry David dot gif

it's like i've always said, the seattle mariners are america's team.

i know the costumes can be hard to come by for a lot of people, and play-acting the past in a way keeps you trapped there. but i really think if we all showed up in period-correct dress, and really stuck to the gimmick, america could be saved by a giant historical re-enactment of january 6th

every democrat who voted to confirm any trump nominee for anything on earth should be immediately replaced

i know the costumes can be hard to come by for a lot of people, and play-acting the past in a way keeps you trapped there. but i really think if we all showed up in period-correct dress, and really stuck to the gimmick, america could be saved by a giant historical re-enactment of january 6th

my place of residence rocks extremely

one step closer to my dream world where shitting is gamified

it's like i've always said, the seattle mariners are america's team.

i cannot think of a more terrifying experience than getting in my seat at a wedding, and then seeing that the wedding was about to be officiated by gronk.

posting a video of himself shitting all over american cities while wearing a crown kinda feels like something that would only happen in a last days / moments situation.

the thing about dennis miller in the mnf booth is that it was 95% of a great fuckin idea, it's just that they should have had it with someone other than dennis miller

I hate to be that guy, but the response to all this from above is gonna boil down to "more people need to work 7 days a week"

this guy is definitely on to something. a person in the story says

Imagine being some 25 year old guy who goes to hit Jagr, a dude who was a hall of fame lock THE DAY YOU WERE BORN, and you still can't knock him off his skates. demoralizing.

pulling out the L flag for the team picture was bad juju for the brewers. you ain't won shit yet

To the brewers, tomorrow is the one week anniversary of flying the L flag. Dumb bastards lol

Online should have an outrage meter you control that stamps posts with your current outrage level. That way in the future they know I was still pissed off about everything, I just got sick of posting about it and wanted to talk about sports or whatever for a minute

Gonna be straight with ya - i don't care if its a sham trial in a kangaroo court, few people are more deserving of consequences than John Bolton

I bet with the right leading questions, Trump would describe part of the plot of hunt for red October as factually occurring during this raid

Do they have any unclaimed assets?

GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT @govpritzker.illinois.gov do your fucking job.

Whats going on with my "boys" and, in some cases, "gals?" Just last month we had the world asking about epstein, and everyone seems to have moved on!

Been posting since I was born and will post till I die

If eric adams was truly offered an ambassadorship and turned it down, it would be a first ballot hall of fame bag drop by a first ballot hall of fame grifter. Like Mays dropping a flyball in the world series for the mets

the french have gotta assume, at this point, that we just can't figure out how to make guillotines that work and are too proud to ask for help.

when was the last time that place had a leader they actually liked more after getting to know them?

counterpoint: if you find AI very easily does things for you (and effectively!), you are, to use baseball terms, below replacement level, intellectually.

I would like to congratulate Jerry Reinsdorf on ten straight years of letting me know before the NBA season starts that I can just watch more hockey right out of the gate. Heck of a streak of never once threatening even the hint of a chance at a hope of a championship since Rose's knee blew out.

the abject cruelty and pointless hunger and needless death are all hallmarks of our modern time, but for my money the worst part about humanity as it exists today is how petty and dumb all this shit is. it all happens for the dumbest reasons. none of this makes sense.

people who I have never met before, lots of them in fact, are willing to drop whatever they're doing to tell me that they hate my car and think I am an asshole. surely this is a sign that lots of other people need to do some introspection

we have got to start killing billionaires. is the first line that the villain speaks in the novel im writing. really though, in the real world, we have to kill these people. he continues

JD Vance is a little fuckin twerp TO THE MAX. Will set the pace for fastest to cry like a little baby at his trial.

me too

i seriously can't wait for this shit to be over with. it's just gotten too fuckin dumb to stand.

I mean if you insist.. where we meeting?

No notes

every time i see a jr griffey or bonds highlight, it gets me how they really dove down and out over the plate with their back shoulder when they swung. it wound up looking like they'd just go down and scoop the ball 450 feet. almost a hybrid baseball-cricket swing.

My vote in the 2028 D primary for POTUS will hinge almost entirely on the % of this Administration they promise to imprison

we are cooked exhibit 4,267,166

this is the most like a mike tyson's punch out guy i have ever seen anyone look

at some point people are gonna start getting sent videos of themselves fucking a grizzly bear or whatever. there's no bottom to how awful ai porn shit is gonna get

There should be a switch that makes your car horn sound like the first note of brass monkey

hit the lotto

dude if in 2025 you're telling me someone within the highest levels of corporate media is getting targeted hate "because they're Jewish" I'm gonna go ahead and write you off as either a moron or a propagandist

there are like 500 people in america who all need to stand real close together for a photograph i want to take

aquawise said all the fish love brawndo

ending a long rambling diatribe with "and that's what's up"