Watching 20 somethings and teenagers calling each other posers for sharing Crowbar content on Instagram is wild. Like, did you find out about them on a cooler area of the phone screen or

Writing and recording any dumb bit of music brings me such copious amounts of joy when I'm doing it, I'm just like "oh yeah this great" after I avoid jumping in to the studio for weeks to months at a time. The world and the universe is absurd and no one cares who you are or what you do so go do art.

Hey friends I'm writing new music for my new band today what do you guys think we should sound like

Slightly increase some bands Gigadeth Slayest Dream Stadium Screws 10 Inch Nails Overflowing With Hell

Me in the #1 best state to live.

Read a review accusing a black metal album as being designed for radioplay and I am once again suggesting that metalheads turn on the radio.

My boss' boss' boss makes a point to chat with everyone in the warehouse and she's like this mid 40s Christian girl scout trad mom who we try not to swear around. She approached me to discuss her new boyfriend's music taste because she knows I'm a "rocker guy". "Have you heard of this Lamb of God??"

I dunno team, maybe we could workshop this into a snappier headline

Correction: everything on here is a banger

To celebrate getting rid of a dude who would blow my phone up every time he saw me posting about my own music instead of what he wanted to do with me musically, I am posting again on Bandcamp Friday. Recording this was a blur, not everything is a banger, but I am so proud of this track.

Advertise your account with a Simpsons quote

every time a coworker makes me remove my earbuds just to ask me how it's going

youtu.be/sNcGbAQgZIg?... 6 years ago 👴🚂

Hey friends, thank you, everything's ok. I just got involved with a very unwell person. I ignored many red flags and unacceptable behavior out of initially wanting to stay friends and it all came to a head yesterday as I finally had to tell them to kick rocks regardless of their headspace.

Hey guys, real quick -- don't stalk me. Don't obsess over me. Don't fixate on me and adore me and desire my attention. Do not long for me. I am an overweight guy from the greater Springfield area with inconsistent esoteric music taste and an affinity for buffalo wings. That's all. Been a weird day.

50 degrees today after week long heat wave. Rain drops ticking on my windows. An array of sweet and savory snacks and weed edibles bought by a stronger, more resilient Brendan of yesterday. Chef and My Fridge episode with Choi-Kang Rok back in action. Guitar practice. WrestleMania Night 2. LFG

I'm trying to watch that Netflix documentary about this piece of shit cult leader, but they digitally replaced all the children's faces with AI filters to protect their identities, and now I have to be skeeved out on multiple levels. Just blur the faces. FFS. Don't anyone do this again.

Fuck all these answers; Iguanodon supremacy.

My life is truly just a series of long roads to WrestleMania.

Call it "Slopaganda". You're welcome.

Roflmao, lmfao

Have a Mega Monday crew

Me a week ago: "yeah man I will definitely be at your show!" Me the night of the show:

UH

Gonna start a funeral doom band called

Got scary stoned last night. Like where tears just fall out of your eyes from pure liquid emotion you've been neglecting to allow escape kind of stoned. Have not historically listened to Doom much over the years, but I put on Yob while in the throes of it, just to play something. Holy shit.

Neil is heavier than any riff ever could be. 🔊🔊

Me: Maybe I'll try Threads again. Threads:

I often wonder how people get so much done, but then I remember they probably don't brood or languish as much

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." What do you think fuels every riff I've ever written or how I accomplished any milestone I could possibly ever be proud of in my dumb fucking life you impossible nitwit, I am on a revenge quest only.

Starting the most insidious depraved guttural metal band with Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) guitar tone.

My Amazon driver is mad at me because I ordered cans of beverages. I don't know that but I know that. I'm gonna wait like 11 minutes to go get that stuff.

Me: Since now that brutal winter is finally over, I'm gonna commit this year to going out more and doing more. Also me after being in a CVS for 6 minutes:

Man Roger Klotz was such a dick. Like what's your problem man

Starting screaming all sorts of foul language about Donald Trump out my car window to the No Kings protestors today in solidarity until I realized there was no one standing there under the age of 67. They all politely waited until I was done and then they all just went "WHEEW!" so that was cool.

Arguing with my wife about naming our future cat Vegeta. So now the compromise is Prince Vegeta, so we can call him Prince most of the time, but his full name is really Prince Vegeta. I did not lose the argument. Don't put in the newspaper that I lost the argument and my cat is not named Vegeta.

Sam is watching the figure skating championship, and they keep playing Symphony No. 9 in E Minor in between the routines; which also happens to be Gunther's entrance music. So I keep expecting him to come out and either start sleeper holding skaters or just generally dominating on the ice.

Creating the most vile metal band utilizing Paula Abdul - Straight Up guitar tone.

The grocery carts will always have a special place in my heart as something my friends and I recreated miraculously without injury. But I gotta hand it to

The Virgin "I Disappear" vs. the Chad "Angry Again".

It has become friday.

Connecting in meaningful ways with my preferred online communities has become unfeasible with the relentless enshittification of every platform where these connections were made. Every post from someone I want to hear from is buried under mountains of slop I don't want to see and so too are mine.

Post a non-religious picture you think of as holy

If you play "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy anyone within earshot of me, I'm going to fire a civil war era cannon into the side of your parked fucking car.

I appreciate the "LibertyBiberty" commercials just because it's so interesting to me how the writers of said ad have never met a real stupid person before.

The only draw of cigarettes when I was young was how cool someone looked smoking them. But then X Files put us on to the Cigarette Smoking Man; the dweebiest dorkiest guy to ever smoke a cigarette like a virgin, all hunched and holding it wrong and smooching every draw. Saved me form lung cancer.