Homeless—putting the ASS in clASSic. Xoxo, 🐳🍔🐳

Early Christmas gift

A dream come true seeing my own book on the shelves of the Union Square Barnes & Noble. Thanks to @clashbooks.bsky.social for helping make it happen. I’m very grateful. Xoxo

MY HEART BELONGS IN AN EMPTY BIG MAC CONTAINER BURIED BENEATH THE OCEAN FLOOR, by @xoxohomeless.bsky.social MHBIAEBMCBBTOF is: a simple & superficially silly metaphor for depression; one of the more accurate depictions of depression i’ve read; recursive in a way that feels surprisingly gratifying—

“This is not just a novel, but an experience: a greasy, surreal descent into the sad hilarity of being alive.” Got a really nice review of my book from the Manhattan Book Review. Available from @clashbooks.bsky.social Xoxo 🐳🍔 manhattanbookreview.com/product/my-h...

I’ve posted a lot of good reviews of my book, so here’s a bad one. Xoxo

Nothing says Peace Prize like deploying armed troops to the streets of your cities.

“Unpopular opinion: (person then posts very popular opinion for easy engagement/ego boost & to come off as thoughtful & edgy)”

Vlad Mag #6 (Part One): “Summer Bummer,” edited by Brian Alan Ellis, is OUT NOW, featuring work by @xoxohomeless.bsky.social  (@clashbooks.bsky.social)🦩

Algorithm & blues.

A lot of things are being said about Hulk Hogan, but no one’s talking about how he was one of the worst air guitarists of all time.

Using your lover’s anal beads as prayer beads.

Vlad Mag #6 (Part One): “Summer Bummer,” edited by Brian Alan Ellis, is OUT NOW on the website🦩

“My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor” in the Adams Street Library in Brooklyn. @clashbooks.bsky.social

Wish I could high-five everyone who’s bought a book of mine. Even if they hated it. Still, very grateful.

Heaven like a cat licking taco grease off your beard.

This country died as soon as they got rid of the Super Size option at McDonald’s.

Nurse: So, what brings you in today? Me: Constantly feeling faint, & unexplained weight loss. Nurse (jotting down on her pad): Okay, cool.

One of my greatest joys in publishing is seeing Homless’ novel next to Colleen Hoover in fiction section. His book is so special and unique ❤️ 🍔 🐳

Stopped by to visit my weird little book in the Jefferson Market Library here in NYC. Some girl was perusing it when I showed up. Eventually she just kind of shook her head & put it back, hahaha. But still so cool. What a beautiful library. Again, grateful to @clashbooks.bsky.social.

Mary Poppins wasted time taking care of kids for a living when she could’ve been the greatest stripper EVER.

“I can’t be reading this right… His final wishes were to have his corpse power bombed through a table & into an empty casket?”

DAMAGED PEOPLE YOU LOVE: The $6.66 House of Vlad Press Sampler (2016-2025) [HOV040] // was slinging this during AWP week, and if you missed out, it's available now through the site!

Loneliness like playing Mario Party by yourself.

A résumé that only has “FAILED WRITER” written on it in red crayon.

Ngl this pulls in my on my heartstrings. I love Homless’ novel so much and libraries have been so supportive.

I used to walk by this library for years on my way to work. Never thought I’d have a book in it. Pretty cool. Thanks to @clashbooks.bsky.social for helping make it happen. Xoxo

If anyone’s interested in a free ebook of my new novel “My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor?” then shoot me a message. Might keep the sad-looking blue whales at bay for just a bit. Or not. I dunno. I’m not a psychic. Xoxo

I bet Beebop & Rocksteady were secretly an item.

Maria wore it better.

Insufficient funds from an insufficient guy!

“…every time you open this book you find/feel something different.  That, to me, is one of the best signs of great art.” Thanks to TriYou for a sweet-ass review of “The Death of the Party,” available from Gob Pile Press. triyou.com/f/the-death-...

Why go to therapy when you can just drink whiskey & watch Seven Samurai again?

I’m about to start investing in torches & pitchforks.

“If I was forced to describe it, I might say it’s like if Alice in Wonderland, Wristcutters: A Love Story, A Farwell to Arms, Army of Darkness, and Monty Python were put in a blender and thrown over a cliff.” A review of “This Hasn’t Been a Very Magical Journey.” Xoxo. triyou.com/f/this-hasnt...

(post-apocalypse dystopia where people who still know how to read are called wordwakers) Warlord: What does this one say, wordwaker? Me: Campbell’s chunky beef & vegetable

From my second full-length poetry collection, available from Gob Pile Press. Xoxo www.amazon.com/Death-Party-...

“The writing is so full of humanity, riddled with candor, and it's just so refreshing to have these sort of takes on life that aren't pretentious at all.” “My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor,” available from @clashbooks.bsky.social. 🐳🍔🐳

Instant karma after sneaking a small bite of my wife’s chocolate chip cookie & it turned out to be raisin instead.

No one else refers to their body as torture-chamber?

In a perfect world, I could mail one of these to everyone who read by book.

This fucking stings.

Homeless: the edible underpants of indie lit.

Homeless > Colleen Hoover

Hell yeah. Another happy customer. “My Heart Belongs in an Empty Big Mac Container Buried Beneath the Ocean Floor” is available from @clashbooks.bsky.social. Xoxo. www.amazon.com/Heart-Belong...

nice jam you’ve got there, be a real shame if someone pumped it up

An excerpt from my first novel, “This Hasn’t Been a Very Magical Journey So Far,” available from Expat Press. Xoxo expatpress.com/product/this...

This dumpster (2025) is lit! Say hello to SWEET TRASH PRESS (an imprint of @houseofvladpress.bsky.social) founded by @jillianluft.bsky.social. Our first title will be @keersteemack.bsky.social's radical rock-n-roll road novel, BETTER TO BEG. FALL 2025! Submissions are open! houseofvladpress.com