Paulson’s first law of marriage states that, while moving from point A to point B within your home, if there is a spot on your path that is too narrow for two humans to comfortably occupy simultaneously, your spouse will be standing motionless in it.

we’re so fucked lol

(chuckling incredulously) no, our child does NOT watch Cocomelon. Ruby only watches House, M.D.

Lenna!

PEOPLE/HOTSAX.GIF

every night I get to go to bed being my wife’s husband and my daughter’s dad and every day I get to wake up and be those same things. kicks ass.

I can’t believe I get to be married to my wife.

check it out, y’all:

one of the less evil uses for AI, in the same way that Linda Kasabian was one of the less evil members of the Manson family.

passed out and filled his diaper, had to change

just saw a Waymo at State and Monroe 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

heard somebody say the word “cheugy” out loud today and it hit me like a flashbang

Imagine if they expanded the World Cup to 48 teams specifically so Italy wouldn’t miss out on qualifying only for Italy to miss out on qualifying.

This story about an astronaut who had to be evacuated because she suddenly lost the ability to speak is fascinating, but for some reason this sentence really made me laugh www.nytimes.com/2026/03/28/s...

gut reaction to this sort of thing is an impending fear of judgment by an old god

man I just finished Dispatch and honestly that’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever played. easily the best superhero game and or movie I’ve ever played and or watched.

no, didn’t make any new friends today mom

Tiger Woods DUI mugshot very funny to me. wearing your golf shirt to get arrested.

NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE

how can anyone feel anything other than infantilized when presented with AI art. they think you’ll like this cause you got a baby brain, dog. they’re giving you cocomelon.

picking a fight with the largest man to ever live because he rode a motorcycle through my neighborhood at 15 mph.

Isaac Chotiner: do you know who Linda Carter is? me: yes, she’s in Terminator 2 Isaac: that’s Linda Hamilton me: right, I confused myself because she plays Sarah Carter. I trip up and combine those names sometimes. Isaac: she plays Sarah Connor. but it’s easy to confuse women. me: now hold on

what are we doing? what is going on?

Every picture of ICE agents in airports is just this again

Peaky Blinders really did a lot of stuff to a lot of peoples’ brains for a show that really is not all that good.

just watched War Machine, is now a good or bad time to join the army

rock and roll photos

put my phone on shuffle on a beautiful lake weekend in Michigan once and after 10 minutes my dad said “can you play something that doesn’t make me want to kill myself”

idk man I feel like I am specifically here to not know what that South African dipshit is up to you are all pmo

thank you cbs

turned on March Madness coverage for the first time this week and Charles Barkley is holding a wrinkled talking basketball homunculus doing one liner comedy. I think maybe I am having a stroke.

few celebrity deaths I feel compelled to comment on but Chuck Norris jokes were the first sort of meme to really annoy me to the point of almost having violent fantasies from hearing them so much for so many years. also he was a big fuck.

Bernie no

went on Venmo for 30 seconds today and had to close out of two debit card offers and a DraftKings ad. this is every app now. exhausting.

any female bartender or server that works here is automatically braver than any marine

this is how you know she was the right candidate.

just found out I can get Ghareeb Nawaz with my work lunch credit ooooooouuuuoough my god

Darren Bailey is such a little fucking twerp, dude. extreme wedgie energy.

why are there three helicopters in the air over my neighborhood

kinda thought more people would resonate with the crow thing I’ll be honest

If he's going to get a national profile on the strength of a younger woman's campaign, I'm going to come out and say it: during his short-lived tenure as a math professor, Biss had an inappropriate romantic relationship with one of his undergraduate students. I was that student.

watching a baby grow and learn is very exciting. they learn to talk via mimicking you. they begin to recognize people by their faces. then they learn how to solve complex problems like how to open a jar to get food. in many ways it is a lot like training a crow.

more like Daniel Piss right guys

commenting “I BUILT THIS ALGORITHM BRICK BY BRICK” on a video with half a million likes should get you removed from all social media for a year

my all time favorite guy maybe.

this being in Rosemont couldn’t be more spiritually appropriate.

it says a lot about the kind of place rosemont is that every response to that article about the chili's there firing a trans employee isn't "fuck chili's" but "fuck rosemont"

as commissioner, it is my honor to announce it is officially daiquiri season.

the thing where someone has long hair and they put on a sweatshirt and their hair is long enough that it gets caught beneath the collar of the shirt but they don’t pull it out and it just stays there stuck in the shirt. this. I bet that’s nice somehow.

Iran: look, it's simple. We literally just paint the silhouette of a plane on the ground. We literally just nail together some boxes in the shape of a tank. We literally just pull looney tunes shit. Their AI will make them spend $100 million to destroy $5 of arts and crafts. the US: grok is this