FIFA execs, lips shiny with duck fat and shirts stained with vintage wines, wiping their faces with thousand franc bills: “expanding the tournament to 48 games will make for a better World Cup for all, and give smaller nations a chance to shine” me when they’re completely and totally right:

pausa de lager adjunto americano

3 hour gap between World Cup games today. thought it was going to be a drag but it’s actually pretty nice. I’m reconnecting with my daughter.

Neymar coming on for Brazil 3-0 up against Scotland

I have very little trouble permanently shelving my formerly liked musicians/bands that turn out to be shitheads. but there is one really embarrassing one I kinda want to listen to all the time.

close enough

hiring a lip reader to tell me what all the players at the World Cup are saying whenever they’re on camera and getting back a 300 page document that just says “VAMOS” over and over again like the book from The Shining

I am a stupid bitch who will never learn not to rewind the game to see the injury.

Cristiano Ronaldo has died on the pitch. He suffered complications from his longstanding diagnosis of Everyone Wants to See Him Die on the Pitch. He was some number of years old, who cares

oooooooooouuughhh seeing that slimy bitch so upset after not doing shit and being an active deterrence to his nation’s success for a full 90 minutes feels sooooooooooo good

the World Cup is so good I want to cry. I am so in love with this sporting event. I am Rob Lowe in an NFL logo hat that just says “WORLD CUP BUT NOT FIFA”.

having a really good time balancing my borderline frenzied excitement for the World Cup starting today with the knowledge that I am a citizen of the most embarrassing host country in the history of the tournament.

@panera blatantly inappropriate. my children visit your website every single day and they shouldn’t have to see this type of language.

man it’s so funny there’s a basketball team just called the Wizards. laughing every time I think about it tonight. The Wizards.

how tall is the witch

the homie entered The Nexus yesterday and came back mad different 😂 I’m lowkey worried 😅

we’re literally never getting more Bloodborne I’m sick

Marjane Satrapi 1969-2026

can’t stop thinking about the coworker who left the company a while back, but before she did she was trying to show me something funny she saw on reddit and she opened the app and her subreddit sidebar was more than 50% snark subs and I’ve never felt more in danger at work than at that moment.

you ever just think about your fukckin…. Your wife? I’m thinkin about that wife.

the Miller Lite World Cup ball can holder was a psy op designed to break my spirit

a day removed from the final I am feeling brave enough to post where my Arsenal friends may see it and say I have long considered Gabriel Magalhaes a personal enemy and I did not hate what happened to him.

need Mallory McMorrow to do something really newsworthy so Ashley Padilla can play her on SNL. total layup.

for various reasons it took two weeks to build the Murphy bed with numerous fuckups and improvisations and manufacturer errors, but it was completed last night and appears to be 150% safe. while sleeping on it I woke up every half hour with the thought “maybe this bed will kill me”. so worth it.

Instagram has come knocking my algorithm, once again, hat in hand, with offerings of the English tinned fish pervert.

fuck ice ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I’m so fucking dead today man I just wanna go home and play dark souls 3

this guy is a legend btw.

saw @owenbrazas.bsky.social last night, in a sense

can’t recommend building a Murphy bed enough. laying there on a spring loaded piece of furniture you built with your limited knowledge of carpentry and mounting, knowing that if you didn’t do it exactly right it could snap off the wall at any moment and cut you in half… really nothing like it.

thrilled to announce I am spending my Friday night assembling furniture from a manual that I can only describe as the rambling manifesto of a criminally insane genius.

yuppppp

Friday night. you know what that means. going to the weird liquor store by my house to get one of a seemingly endless rotating selection of Central American beer six packs.

I’ll defend Philadelphia and Baltimore to the death.

every time you see or hear somebody online or IRL mention they feel guilty about coming from wealth or that their success is based on some privilege you can just ask them for $10,000. you’re allowed to ask for that and they could give it to you. they probably won’t. but you still can. you can ask.

CARTOON/WANNABE.GIF

Ashra - Deep Distance [Germany, Space-Ambient] (1976) https://redd.it/6aashc https://youtu.be/oCSqbVbSe8o

the same people that had vehicular homicide fantasies about the anti-ICE protestors blocking Lake Shore Drive last year are on Facebook and Reddit telling people upset about the city wide police funeral traffic blocks that “this is just part of living in a city”

cops in Chicago complain about not having the budget to respond to all calls efficiently, but today they’ve shut down Lakeshore Drive, shut down numerous major roads on the north side, shut down the Kennedy, and had hundreds of cars towed, for a funeral that’s their fault in the first place. okay.

I have now rewatched all of Gran Torino on YouTube shorts.

I will never stop giving little honks when I exit the alley. NEVER!!!!!!

slightly diminish a book the LeBron James Bible

are we still doing all time favorite tweets because never in my life will I forget the time @ericgrau.bsky.social told me about this one

why are we still talking about Geese

taking down every Gadsden flag I see and putting a flag with this on it up instead

starting to think that perhaps the Washington Post isn’t the institution it used to be

getting a new phone somehow reset this on all my apps and I just want to reiterate: I Will Never Share A Link To Your App If I Do Not Absolutely Have To. thank you!

when you screenshot something from an app and a little window pops up saying “thank you! wouldn’t you rather share a direct link to this instead?” I am usually just like no