Are there any objectives to the Iran war besides limiting the catastrophic damage of the war itself? As always I'm so glad we twice elected history's worst casino owner commander-in-chief

All hat no cattle

You have my attention hoss

An unexpectedly big part of my litigation practice is just sussing out how on-the-ball opposing counsel is. Sometimes I can tell early that they don't have the wherewithal to go all the way and will fuck up if I give them enough time. That matters at least as much as the "facts" and the "law"

I like Pitchfork's rating system if only bc I like thinking about the process behind "God this is dogshit. It's a 3 out of 10. Okay, hmm, on further reflection let's say 3.1"

I think a lot about the moment in OBAA when Pat gets the call and is panicking bc he's too stoned to execute and still hits the J again

Mmm that soup (?) looks so good man. I wish I didn't just eat

"The ball matters! The ball is everything!" I agree

Starting to make good progress on learning an instrument so I can start a band called Embarrassin' Ford where I dress like Indiana Jones, someone else dresses like Han Solo etc. I know it's not too late for me (us)

There are so many years left in the American Century of Humiliation. Gonna be a rough one

No human has operated at this high a level before or since

She wasn't happy about the fit pic but I simply had to and I'm sorry

Had 3/4 of a paloma at a colleague's farewell lunch. When I first got back to the office I thought of calling it quits for the week. But then I found inspiration in Hegseth, who has far more responsibility than I have and hasn't been as sober as I am right now for more than an hour in his adult life

Watching the LIB reunion and I need Nick Lachey to take a CLE in witness examination. He never asks the right follow-up. I'm sick of it

If I were a celebrity I would constantly call out airlines on social media for shitty service. I'd be at home in bed making false and defamatory posts just to make Delta's brass send internal emails with the red exclamation mark on them

Not to play armchair quarterback but I think world's greatest military should've read the start of the Strait of Hormuz wiki, as I just did, before launching their slapdash war

They look like marionettes. This is too fucking funny

Three weeks straight of college hoops on my work monitor

74 degrees, the sun is taking her sweet time setting: sometimes not everything totally fucking sucks

The type of 2028 Dem campaign I'm looking for is one that'll make a lot of ppl very nervous when they learn the statute of limitations for the federal crimes they're committing now

One does not simply Not have hiccups every waking moment

One of my fav things in the world is when I finish Love is Blind and can freely google the contestants and find out which dudes have secret families, were engaged five days before filming started, etc

Cory Booker loves running a hopeless POTUS campaign. He's addicted to wearing polos at the Iowa State Fair before suspending his campaign

I've run the numbers and determined that the economically efficient thing to do is to drive my car until it runs out of gas and then abandon it there

Looking for a lighthearted goodbye card for a coworker/friend. This is a bit much

Toddler has learned to say NOPE very resoundingly, which is cute and made me laugh my ass off this morning but which he is already weaponizing against me

It's wild that gray LVT floors were ever in style. That shit is ugly on an elemental level

Just saw this KY senate campaign ad on ESPN

Raising a toddler has opened my mind to the fact that a simple piece of cheese can be a nice little snack. That's all I have going on right now

Trump's dumbass voters were big into putting these stickers on gas pumps for a while there. How's that going assholes. Did it, like everything else in your beshitted life, come back to bite you

Before you even learn any of the terrible things there are to know about him, having a prominent guy named Markwayne isn't great for Oklahoma's image

Toddler told me this morning "I'm a best friend to you," which melted my heart. Though I did just realize he took care to say he's my best friend and not necessarily the other way around

God bless August's daycare teachers for, whenever they call bc he got a bump or scrape, saying "Not an emergency!" before anything else

My go-to move when someone holds open two doors in a row for me is to say a firm "Thank you" on the first and whisper "thanks" on the second. Lots of ways to go about this tho

Lest we forget this photo

I want a robot butler solely to bring me burp clothes when I sit down with the baby without one

Stevie thinks she's a babysitter

Stevie thinks she's a babysitter

Motherfucker put on a ballcap and posted a video at 3 am announcing a ground invasion toward regime change

This shit can't hold for 3 more years

I think the next frontier in baby names is popular shortened names from before the 90s. This is my baby son, Ron. No yeah, that's it. His birth certificate just says "Ron"

Zohran sure knows how to work that stupid piece of shit

My guy looks great

The toddler is very interested in using the phrase "that makes sense" but doesn't yet know when it applies so he's just using it all the time. He'll pick up a water bottle and say "that makes sense." In a manner of speaking, sure

A woman was sticking her whole upper body out of her driver side window to scream at everyone zipper merging past her. There are all kinds of ways to live one's life

The Washington Park snowball fight vid is another instance where I'm shocked at cops' inability to do anything approximating running. They simply can't get those knees up for even two strides

It's crazy that Trump has gotten way closer to pinning his Epstein-related crimes on himself than any Dem ever would simply bc he chose to talk shit about Epstein during the campaign to give grist to his dumbass supporters, who were accidentally on to something but not remotely how they thought

The dumbest motherfuckers on earth are gonna force me back into spring 2020 precautions til the baby can get the MMR vaccine. "Good Times"

Partner told me about this. Absolute bullshit. You can't just make letters sound however you want

It will never not rule that SCOTUS said the President has to be immune from prosecution bc otherwise they couldn't do the job with energy and vigor, and this immunity will mostly protect the guy who has no energy or vigor or interest in the job except as a way to do crimes and enrich himself