St Patrick’s Day fit

Did you see the e-clips of job applications I sent you

Turning up the volume on the TV and the sound bar at the same time just to feel something

Lady Gaga giving ABBA vibes

Trump bout to be like “Sunday is now called America savings time, set your clocks to America”

If you can’t handle me at my Chris Gaines, you don’t deserve me at my Garth Brooks

Andor Season 2 will probably be the best television series of 2025

These are the Android of crayons

Farting under the blankets then trapping her in it

I need a new bit I’m bored

Twitter today is just MAGA people talking about Tom Hanks

Meg Ryan in City Of Angels

think it’s TINE you eVALuate those job applications I sENt you

Wish everyone from Twitter was over here

Space heaters are like regular heaters except no one can hear you scream.

we are hosting a benefit show in mass. to raise funds for @translifeline.bsky.social and i recently made some graphics about who they are. here are just a few! Trans Lifeline is an amazing non-profit with so many resources. They’re run by and for trans people. Highly recommend checking them out!!

My calling is finally here

Got to play with man overboard tonight that was pretty cool

Band group chats be like “what are you wearing?”

i will DIE ON THIS HILL #handembroidery #audiobooks

Tariff is a beautiful name for a baby

Hey

“Omw” Me 5 minutes before I’m supposed to be there:

Yes I love the smell of elevators

“Still doing the band thing?”

Rugrats is actually a docuseries about a group of friends that are the worst parents you’ve ever seen

How is GameFly still in business

Get in, fellas. We’re getting vasectomies.

it’s so insane to me that people work for ICE like did you watch star wars and think man i want to be like the guys in the plastic white suits who can’t aim for shit

I’m excited to play a show with man overboard even though it’s acoustic

How it feels to wake up 5’8” and 34 years old

What a crazy time in American history

Modern presidents be like

PlayStation 2 had the best movie tie in games of any video game generation.

Thinking about the Whole Foods brand frosted mini wheats

My whole algorithm is bout to be fucked lmao

Tik this tok that… how bout you tik all the boxes on that job application and tok your way into an interview

This is where I post from

Does @samwitwer.bsky.social have this set as his avi

What’s up?

I need more #starwars nerd mutuals

Playing the entire halo franchise campaign with Emily. Getting her all the skulls and terminals on legendary. Never thought I’d be one of those #couplegoals guys but here we are.

How much is rent in Roku City

Smoking that shit made my nosfer atu

i like my food to be so spicy that it 𝓗𝓤𝓡𝓣𝓢

I plan everything based around food

Imagine the reindeer just shitting on people as they fly by

Who up Scrooge-ing they grinch

2024 AOTY

Yeah, I read! (Listen to Star Wars audiobooks)