Anyways gonna watch Moulin Rouge and do a new set of nails.

Anyone else remember the emo musical that changed my life

Does 9:34 count?

so put the "d" in dirt now, baby, baby, let's get you wasted and alone

😥😥😥😥😥

Absolutely nothing in this world will match the feeling listening to Roxanne from Moulin Rouge. That is some real fucking yearning

Bro I am LIVING for all these beautiful hairy chests my notifs are popin off rn

I got a Glock in my ‘rarri

Man it would be so terrible if we saw some chest hair today. 👀

crawled up on you, do I wanna go there? yes I do

on the yacht getting butt booty naked when?

ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I EVER BE MORE THAN IVE ALWAYS BEEN? CAUSE IM TAP TAP TAPPIN ON THE GLASSSSSSSSSS

The Boss. The Boss. The Boss.

I saw something that said “are you into men or are you just looking for someone masculine” and my brain is so fucked over it

tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef that i’m a VEGETARIAN and I AINT FUCKIN SCARED OF HIMMM 🗣️

✌🏻

book: He’s a beast but due to the magic she can see him as the prince Me: ew why would you ever want that???

5 jobs you’ve had: pastry cook at high end restaurants 🎂 mgr of web customer service for Barney’s New York (rip 🪦) sales audit and escalations specialist at Barnes and Noble corp 📖 e-commerce manager and everything else at online bakery from hell 🔥 smartwatch and high end luxury at Movado ⌚️

I cannot make this up if I tried - but a group of about twenty men are refusing to fulfill orders bc the stock is outside “and it has snow on it” So are you allergic to a shovel? Bet you make your wives and partners shovel while you stay inside bc it’s too cold too? I’ve got my snow boots LFG ?!

momma smutty’s meatbawlz are second to NONE my lawd

yea I’m a milf Man I Love kraFt mac n cheese

“You’re only into hockey because of heated rivalry” “you’re only into hockey because of romance novels” GOOD COME TO HOCKEY LADIES I WANT MORE HOCKEY FRIENDS WHO CARES WHY YOU GOT INTO IT FUCK OFF WTH THAT GATEKEEPING BULLSHIT

OK y’all also my psych seems to think that I might have seasonal depression and before we look into any sort of medication because I’m already on Lexapro, he suggested a bright light box. Does anyone have experience with this?

My complex is offering a Klarna type system for rent. This idea seems great - but maybe bring down rent prices instead? My rent costs more than my friends mortgage lmao

IDK WTF A FUGGLER IS BUT I NEED 937383 OF THEM ASAP

If you don’t tippy tap with your nails on your Diet Coke before opening it - it’s actually illegal and you will go to jail.

Me seeing my psych at after 16 mo: everything is lit except my serotonins my brutha

not allergic to ibuprofen yallllllll aspirin on the other hand? will take me the fuuuuuck out real fast

best part of the allergy challenge? they’re testing ibuprofen so that pulled muscle be feeling FINE right now lmao

Do I bedazzle a pair of sneakers? Maybe my comme des garçons?

In case you’re wondering I was only this far back in the queue and got nothing

In case there’s been any confusion, this is not a safe space for anyone who thinks what’s happening right now in Minneapolis is okay 🖕🧊

patron saint of mad girls

this! mr smutty makes a point to call me Kaitlyn or Kayte in conversation bc he thinks “my wife” isnt who I am I’m so much more and I’ve always loved this about him Even his students know me by name

There’s a little kid here getting allergy testing too for his peanut allergy and he’s playing switch and goes I CAUGHT A SHINY ✨ and his dad was like shhhhhh Nah bro we celebrate that shiny Pokémon are exciting

Time for allergy tests to see what’s gonna take me out one day 😂

so, progress report: i am missing you to death

to my favorite liar, to my favorite scar, i could have died with you

why do I always pull a random muscle right before @alannymous97.bsky.social and @aimeexo.bsky.social come to visit me? last year I was hoarding lidocaine in my clutch and putting it on my boob in bar bathrooms - now my whole side?

My life has spiraled. How many hobbies can one girl have???

You know what working from home means for Mr Smutty today? I’m making pulled pork in the slow cooker with cheddar scallion cornbread and rice

the literal joy I have that I’m working and my cats are with me? THE JOY???? A man couldn’t piss me off today if he tried. I’m on cloud 9 baby.

public service announcement

Look at my handsome coworker