put me in a barbacoa taco and launch me towards the sun

Anticipation has a gun and it’s pointed right at me

Date idea: we go out for milkshakes and then a little while later I invite you over to my place because it made me shit myself

I am the (lactose) intolerant left

What’s a polite way to say “are you fucking stupid or evil or both?”

Describe your cat’s personality with one photo: She’s a biter

🔍how to get consumer spending to rise without paying them more 🆗

I may have overindulged

Giving thanks to this creature

walking on the beach alone and i look to my side and see like a hundred footprints (it's centipede jesus)

Utah garfields are like “I hate mondeighs”

amab (assigned mormon at birth)

Having someone else feel the rain on my skin

I keep sleeping every night because I hear a lot of people die that way and I like to feel a sense of daredevilry

get me out of here! (my brain and body and nervous system)

“I’m not making enough money so I don’t deserve to live,” “true success comes from your ability to exploit and disenfranchise others,” “immediately pull up every ladder you can climb” and other American values

Tomorrow I’m making misfortune cookies. Lmk who you need them sent to

Fuck the English. Make better recipes.

I’ve never ruined bread before. I’m going to cry

I witerawwy just forgor

Low fi beats to poop to

Her mac too cheesy. They’ll kill her.

I need to be built different

Slaying in a few different ways

fuck SAKE can’t people post about two american presidents, one wrapped in the other’s shadow with great delight, the fruit of his lover sweet to his taste, and not be fucking weird and homophobic about it, damn

I got two cooking/baking books for my birthday this year. That’s some damn good strategy because they know I’ll excitedly share the results with them.

Alright Kelvine. Preach.

Consoling me is a nightmare that’s why I don’t do it or let anyone else

At the hospital, they’re going to answer the question put forth by that curious and talented child with a guitar, and see what’s inside my butthole. I hope they find astronauts I hope they find aliens.

Murder, she hoped.

The guy she tells Frankenstein not to worry about

If I don’t ever have someone mansplain to me again, it is because I have died I fear. I don’t think I always look incredibly stupid but it really makes me wonder.

Brb I need to lay in the mud like a salamander

Lord grant me the resiliency of a cactus 🙏

Can’t spell dysfunction without fun!

I’m now like that cage the elephant song because every time I close my eyes or see a spec of something like lint, I see spiders

I do not trust birds and I need not elaborate

I really enjoyed being able to say “wanna see my bucket full of spiders?” to people today

trying to unsad myself, getting tired

i love Samantha Lux so much 😭😭😭

Made tuna deviled eggs for the first time and scarfed down a full day’s worth of protein in like 10 mins

I looked at so many spider webs that I think they’re in my eyeballs now. I see them out of the corner of my eye and when I close them

Brb I need to lay in the mud like a salamander

Some neat guys I found on my walk

I ate my first pomegranate of the year

Pooping out distilled anxiety. Lmk if you’re in need of any extra

I have a confession 😔 I don’t like centipedes, they kinda freak me out

Crowd sourcing enemies

Pass the Tylenol. I need to write everything there is to know about spinnerets

Out here educating the nation's youth about the existence of the coolest bug in the world 🎨 @cochayuyocreations.bsky.social