Next on Jubilee, I’m a British Museum owner, and I’m surrounded by twenty countries that want their artefacts back! Statement 1: “My family would really like our Ankh back.” Okay, easy. No :)

People are loving that post you just made. They’re saying kino, they’re shouting sugoi, they’re calling it based. They’re shortlisting it for post of the year. They’re making a trophy.They’re planning to take your hand and tongue-kiss you under the moon’s pale twilight because you posted so good.

To give you an idea of where I’m at mentally, I went to joke “I can add a little u into my ADHD label, as a treat” only to remember that I was diagnosed with autism first, ruining the joke.

My co-workers all did an amazing job on this, so please appreciate it.

Me today 🥳

Feel bad for my freelancing friends, apparently it’s so dire out there even JK Rowling can’t get a paid commission.

So glad I don’t have a foot fetish. My anxiety is bad enough when friends don’t respond within two hours, I’d literally die if I got left on read after horny DM’ing “ayyo lemme get a look at them leg hands 😋💦🦶”

you're literally buttholecore. you should work on nicepersonmaxxing

Three true stats missing from this report: - 74% of Britons do not know whether it is rabbit season or duck season - ⁠37% have, quote, “bricked up” at Bugs Bunny in a dress - ⁠53% of Britons have run into a painted wall because they previously saw the Road Runner use it to speed into the horizon

I have been affected by the recent restructures at Bethesda, After an amazing 8 years i am on the lookout for new opportunities in Community, Marketing, and beyond. Slide into those DM's for a chat. It's been an incredible run. Very proud of what was achieved.

Donald DRUMPF and FELON Musk do NOT want you to share this footage of me throwing up after eating three burritos! Wouldn’t it be a shame if this went as viral as the stomach bug I currently have?

😤 ACAB 👏 INCLUDES 👏 TOAD 👏😤

HAPPY FRIDAY! This evening, I ask you to focus on... sailors fighting in the dancehall. (Oh man, look at those cavemen go.) 😀

Made this for my therapist. Today was a good session.

more april 30 comics

Twitter: Here’s 24 reasons why Easter now means you can say the N word Facebook: This blatantly fake AI rendering of a 94 year old grandma made a giant Easter egg in the hopes of 6000 shares! Threads: I just learned that Trump got elected. Here’s how this will affect the rest of your 2017 (1/56)

I'M SUPER HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT VAPORWAVE PINBALL IS OUT NOW ON STEAM❗❗❗ 🎈🎉🥳 Featuring: 🟢LOFI video pinball❗ 🔵Relaxing, liminal locations❗ 🟣5+ unlockable tables❗ 🟠Chill as fuck❗ 🔴Less than $5❗ Please buy, leave a review & make an indiedev happy‼️ store.steampowered.com/app/2465930/... also...

Vivi Norako doing her best impression of the Yakuza 3 cover art.

Now look, I’m as left wing as I can possibly be under the circumstances, but there are *some* types that shouldn’t be here. 😤 I bet this Marmite jumped the barrier and doesn’t even have an Oyster card! 😡🤬

Let her play!!!

I don’t know how best to explain my level of brain rot other than that these look the same to me.

Watch out, they’re calling you out on Splork. Chinzt Crundly is talking mad mess on you. Kleebo Splango is criticising your nuanced takes with aplomb. Glundlepark1976 is gathering the villagers and getting torches and pitchforks and is assaulting your castle because your posts are bad.

This line goes so hard until you realise he’s telling it to a newly-dadless 5 year old. Then it goes even harder.

Fun fact: the Barenaked Ladies exist canonically within the world of the Grinch. In an early sequence their song Green Christmas is played diagetically, meaning their songs are a hit in Whoville. This also means One Week could feasibly have been a number one hit there. In this essay I will- (1/261)

Am at the fourth time of asking my family “hey can you not be racist?” and we’re only at 2pm. Merry forced socialising day, everyone!

If Link is supposed to wear more than shorts in Tears of the Kingdom, then why did Nintendo add so much flavour text you only see when Link is wearing just shorts?

It feels like the three most over-subscribed traits in video game characters versus real life are amnesia, only being the B in LGBT, and Wolverine-style health regeneration.

My dad is at the Abu Dhabi racetrack and sent me this, and if it doesn’t just sum up Alonso’s F1 season idk.

Trying to work out dreams is wild because one night it’ll be like “Hmm, I wonder why that recurring nightmare came back after a year” and the next it’ll be “Perhaps I needed to wake up and go to the toilet and that’s why everyone in my dream was crowning me as ‘The Piss King’”.

Yes, I’m religious. I believe in the holy trinity. (I usually hate this chain shit but I cannot resist this opportunity to beat @sungod87.bsky.social to an FFIX joke.)

This image is either going to be redundant in two weeks or relevant for two more years of F1 and either way I’m going to get my time’s worth.

Skeetbidi toilet

I surpassed 69 skeet fans and couldn’t bring myself to make a joke about it because it feels like something a radicalised and supposed “genius” 53 year old billionaire would call “epic memes that your mom said”. Yet I persistently cling to skeets as a term…

Look, I just want it on record that I was skeeting before it was cool.

The Tortured Poet’s Department (Boys Version)

It’s open season for skeeting on BlueSky now!

Holiday skeetings

Every now and then, I think about skeets. It’s still funny.

Just checking in on this platform I forgot about: are they still called skeets?

I watched Fast X with a friend who hasn’t seen any of the movies since the 5th one. I said he could write any questions he had for me to answer by the end. This was his list. Like the movie, it went very off the rails.

I am doing a skeet. It is very funny to me that the community decided they were called skeets. Skeet. Okay cool, that’s my effort done. See you all back on Twitter.