Israel is helping Gaza, just like Russia wants peace in Ukraine. Trump can't stop praising the genocidal autocrats who stroke his ego.

The President of the United States announced the start of the ground phase of his war against Venezeula on a morning radio show on Friday, and it's barely a news story. (1/2) www.cnn.com/2025/12/29/p...

I am not, I repeat NOT, a 'National Treasure'-style thief of historic artifacts. But if I were... youtu.be/KTmVwd-Kfy0?...

Putin has openly and repeated called for the eradication of Ukrainian national identity, and the absorption of Ukraine and its people into a reconstituted Russian Empire. He launched a war of aggression that has killed or wounded hundreds of thousands of people to achieve those goals. (1/3)

Steve Witkoff, the wholly-unqualified grifter that is inexplicably in charge of American negotiations with Russia, said a few days ago that he believed Russia was committed to peace in Ukraine. (1/2) apnews.com/article/russ...

“AND WHY IS THE CARPET ALL WET, TODD?!?”

"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hannukah."

“It’s not going in our yard, Russ. It’s going in our living room.”

Hang on. I'm starting to think that the Secretary of Commerce may be an incompetent dipshit.

If you went back in time and told Benjamin Franklin that the postal service wasn't profitable, he'd ask what the fuck you were talking about. And then, statistically, he'd sleep with your spouse.

BYE BUDDY. HOPE YOU FIND YOUR DAD.

Yes, Ben Sasse was one of seven Republicans in the Senate to vote to convict Donald Trump during his second impeachment trial following the events of January 6th, 2021. And that's a good and right thing that he did. (1/3) www.cnn.com/2025/12/23/p...

I don't like to run people down. Except the Spy unit in Arretium who failed to stop the AI opponent from sabotaging our Industrial hex. That guy's a useless shit, and I hope his wife leaves him.

The United States used to use organizations like Radio Free Europe / Radio Liberty and Voice of America to make sure that the truth about authoritarian governments reached their citizens, even when local media was censored. (1/4)

“I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, *Dwayne*.”

Fists with your toes?

These are imaginary ships said to include a laundry list of not-yet-in-service technologies and weapons systems, announced because our Toddler-in-Chief wants his name on some boats. If a single one of these makes to sea trials, I'll put mayo on my sandwich www.nbcnews.com/politics/nat...

I'm sincerely glad so many people enjoy 'A Christmas Story'. Truly. But for me, these days, it's very much a "there's a time and a place" sorta situation. And that place is a hospital room, and that time is 15-30 minutes after they give you Dilaudid. Christmas 2022 was nuts 🤣

Attention: The first Irn-Bru of Christmas has been opened. I repeat: The first Irn-Bru of Christmas has been opened.

The ICC should indict the President of the United States for multiple violations of international laws against interference with high seas shipping and the murder of civilians in international waters. No, it doesn't matter that no one can or will pursue the indictment. It should be made anyway.

U.S. policy should be to provide Ukraine with whatever it needs to defend itself against Russia's illegal war of aggression, until Russian forces withdraw behind the internationally-recognized borders they agreed to respect when they signed the Budapest Memorandum. Full stop.

Imagine being the editor-in-chief who single-handedly consigned '60 Minutes' to journalistic irrelevance in one weekend.

You can tell Russia isn’t committed to achieving peace in Ukraine by how they keep doing war in Ukraine. Steve Witkoff is catastrophically unqualified at best, and a Russian agent at worst. Either way, he has no business conducting negotiations at this level on behalf of the U.S.

JD Vance is the most spineless, gutless, morally- and intellectually-malleable politician of our time. And I remind you that Ted Cruz is, unfortunately, still with us.

I honor my parents by advocating for what I learned growing up: That a free people defending themselves from an autocratic bully are our spiritual kin and worthy of every scrap of aid we can provide.

Well, shit. Who has tell the Barbary Pirates? They're gonna be pissed. Not it! {finger on nose}

Hot damn, some of these Ukrainian operations are genuinely incredible. All true Americans love a ballsy underdog who punches a bully in their face (or in this case, in their shadow fleet). Everybody else is suspect. youtu.be/_9x-rDaM56Y?...

Sounds like they're trying to Bari the story.

When someone expresses skepticism toward the Fourteenth Amendment, that should be a red flag for all of us and an outright disqualifier for public service. Without the Fourteenth Amendment, your rights aren't rights — they're favors.

Maybe if you and your boss hadn't picked a podcaster and a conspiracy theorist to run the FBI, you could've asked them to check it out for you instead of reading cranks on the Internet.

Unilateral sanctions imposed through one nation's domestic legal processes do not magically grant that nation jurisdiction in international waters, or in another nation's territorial waters. (1/15) abcnews.go.com/US/us-coast-...

I'm going to express an opinion that I've felt in my bones since I was a teenager, but vocalize far too infrequently: Steve Miller Band fucks. There, I said it.

"Funeral Fog" by Mayhem is No. 2 in the list of songs titles containing words I often misspell as "frog".

I’m in a terrific mood. Everybody discourage me from looking at the news until tomorrow.

Yes, this is absolutely a context in which to be flippant, you catastrophically-unqualified and criminally-unserious dipshit.

Not all of the personalities in Metallica are equally pleasant, but I sincerely hope James Hetfield lives to be 100 years old 😆 youtu.be/Dgm99GiIq4c

I'm saying the official reason I haven't switched from Civ6 to Civ7 yet is because they removed SSBNs from the game, and if I can't play out my nuclear triad fantasies then I'm just not that interested 😆

What clearer signal could there possibly be that Congress has to rip war powers away from the President and lock them up tight in the legislature for safe keeping?

One of the neatest things about me is that very few people know — truly *know* — when I work, when I sleep, or even precisely where I am. In many people's minds, I exist in every time zone and none of them, at the same time.

Thought I just had, and voiced aloud: "You know, I think if "sit-down comedian" was a thing, I'd've made different career decisions." {pause, squinting, frowning} You mean a talk-show host, Sam? Is that what you mean?"

Call me a partisan hack of you'd like, but I sincerely feel like "must understand how percentages work" is a perfectly reasonable expectation to have of someone to whom we've handed Presidency of the United States.

When did online forms stop being able to auto-populate your state based on your zip code? I feel like that's functionality that has disappeared. Did we get rid of that so we could have AI porn? Was that a trade-off everybody agreed to while I wasn't paying attention?

Yeah, couple of things: 1) You can't surround a country with an "armada" unless it's an island, dipshit. 2) "...largest Armada ever assembled in the History of South America" is a weird, low bar.

Rob Reiner directed *the* fantasy film of my childhood. If you've got bad things to say about him today, keep them to yourself. I'm not in the fucking mood.

Today's edition of "He can't actually do that, you know": The President has no authority to designate anything as a "weapon of mass destruction". Congress defined the term in a law in 1994, and that law would have to be amended. www.npr.org/2025/12/15/n...

On Friday, my home health nurse accidentally said “shit”, and apologized for using profanity. While I appreciated their professionalism, it was obviously laughable. “Before you got here, I was listening to a band called Goatwhore. What do you think the odds are that I care about profanity?”

Dear Heinz, My doctor has told me that you can expect a cease and desist letter from his attorneys, seeking to bar you from offering gravy in a squeeze bottle to any market in which I am a consumer. Thanks, Sam www.eonline.com/news/1425364...

We have bullied the Ukrainians into accepting terms that violate the right of every sovereign nation to self-determination and free association with whatever allies they see fit. (1/7) www.nbcnews.com/world/ukrain...

🎶 It’s the most wonderful time of the yeaaaaar… 🎵