THE SEXUAL TENSION IS PALPABLE.

COUNTERPROPOSAL: WHY DON’T WE JUST HANG OUT AND TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH PLANET EARTH SUCKS.

LOBSTER AT MARKET PRICE. NO POINTS PROGRAMS FOR CREDIT CARDS. DRESS CODE STRICTLY ENFORCED.

She's a ten but she doesn't say mooooooon when there's a cool moon in the sky

CRIME CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR DESTROYED, ALTHOUGH IT MAY BE REARRANGED.

AS AN HONORARY APE, JANE GOODALL IS ALLOWED INTO APE HEAVEN.

THIS SOUNDS RIGHT.

nice

IF THERE IS ONE GOOD THING HUMANITY BRINGS TO THE SOLAR SYSTEM, IT’S BUTTS.

SAME, TBH.

ACCURATE.

ACCURATE.

YOUR PLAYTHING IS NOW IN OUR CLUTCHES.

THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING ANYONE’S SAID SINCE CHARLIE KIRK WAS ALIVE.

NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE, CENTRISTS. POST YOUR CENTRIST HOT TAKES. SECURE YOUR LEGACY IN THE CENTRIST HALL OF FAME.

CHARLIE KIRK DIED AS HE LIVED: GETTING SKEPTICS TO RECONSIDER THEIR STANCE ON GUNS.

THEY SHOULD LET THE SMITHSONIAN REWRITE HISTORY IN MINOR WAYS. LIKE, THEY SHOULD SAY THAT JEFF GOLDBLUM PLAYED ARAGORN IN THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY.

BLUESKY HAS A KERNING PROBLEM.

“YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY” NO, YOU CANNOT. YOU ARE LITERALLY GOING THE SAME WAY AS EVERYBODY ELSE.

GAVIN NEWSOM’S BRILLIANT GAMBIT: - MAKE CALIFORNIANS HATE HIM. - LEAK THE POLLS TO FOX NEWS. - WAIT FOR FOX NEWS TO START PUMPING OUT “EVEN CALIFORNIANS HATE GAVIN NEWSOM” SEGMENTS. - GO ON FOX NEWS AND SAY, “YES, AMERICA, THAT’S RIGHT. CALIFORNIANS HATE ME. I’M NOT LIBERAL ENOUGH FOR THEM…”

NEW MOON JUST DROPPED.

THE OBVIOUS REDEMPTIVE CHARACTER ARC FOR PLANET EARTH WOULD BE TO LEARN TO LET GO AND FINALLY BE CHILL ABOUT STUFF.

AND PLANET EARTH JUST CANNOT LET GO.

AH YES, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, WHICH FAMOUSLY HAS NEVER BEEN WRONG ABOUT ANYTHING.

THIS IS WHAT GOOD SEX LOOKS LIKE.

PURGE RULES TONIGHT, EVERYONE.

WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR MEN.

WE HERALD THE COMING OF A LARGE FISH.

EXPERT TIMING.

PURGE RULES TONIGHT, EVERYONE.

PEEKABOO, MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU’VE GOT TO FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SIMPLY MESS ABOUT IN BOATS.

THERE DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE A CONTINGENCY PLAN FOR RACCOONS GETTING INSIDE THE REACTOR. THIS WHOLE IDEA IS POORLY CONCEIVED.

who up waxing their gibbous

THIS GUY HAS THE SAME VIBE AS THE SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER BILLIONAIRE WHO IGNORED SAFETY WARNINGS AND KILLED EVERYBODY.

FIXED IT.

WE ARE HAUNTING EVERYBODY.

you have not seen a hulk better stuff’d in the hold.

BAD NEWS, IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE.

SO YOU ARE ALL COMMANDED.

GO AHEAD AND MAKE WISHES TONIGHT, SUPERSTITIOUS IDIOTS. THEY WILL ALL BE WHOLLY IGNORED.

NO, DO NOT FUCK DRUNK PETE HEGSETH, AND DEFINITELY DO NOT FUCK SOBER PETE HEGSETH.

DECLARE INDEPENDENCE! DON’T LET THEM DO THAT TO YOU!

WE DO NOT CONSENT.

FALSE.