trying to find my pinky toenail while giving myself a pedicure

daniel jones don't ruin my fantasy team's chances today challenge

Happy Halloween!! 🎃 👻 🌽

mfw i see farthest frontier has finally left early access and i can start getting achievements

today's aws issues in a nutshell

baker mayfield baker baker mayfield get some baker and you put him in some mayfield baker mayfield touchdown's what he's gonna make baker mayfieeeeeeeld

i feel like i generally do okay understanding younger generations' slang but them using "ASL" as "as hell" is REALLY throwing me off

Roll that unbearable bean footage

the dream is convincing a university to hire me as a football coach then living off the buyout from my contract after i'm immediately fired

back from my writer's residency and talking about microsoft crocs

red zone countdown sounds like background music for beauty and the beast

is george santos back on cameo yet 👀

i just wanna online window shop without the company sending me emails about something i looked at one time 😫

feeling very millennial today so i typed "notez" into the top of my google doc only to have it autocorrected. technology is ruining our lives

scott hansen taking his last-minute piss rn

i absolutely love bluesky but it's hard for me to leave twitter because i can still directly call russ vought a bitch and know he can see it

Them: So what have y'all been up to? Me: Haha, you know. The usual. The Usual:

Becoming increasingly clear we’re gonna have to build a parallel infrastructure for all the media we really love. The reason all of this is happening under the color of law is hyperconsolidation, dissent being traded straight up for merger approval, or fear of harassment.

I’ve been out on the front lines doing hard hitting journalism www.buzzfeed.com/kelley_green...

The following is a statement from the WGA on ABC’s decision to pull ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’

i just looked up the win probability graph from last night's bills-ravens game. granted you don't want to put too much stock into probability models, but it really does put buffalo's comeback into a new perspective

BOOKMARKS!!!! OH BOY i'm gonna make bsky's AWS bill go up 200%

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

When it’s finally 9pm PT #bb27

RACHEL'S PICTURE IS GRAY???? #bb27

This man is always up to something, and thankfully Johnny always gives me a place to discuss.

Highly recommend getting you a husband that will order you a birthday cake from a meme ❤️ (cc: @schtoop.bsky.social)

The Life of A Showgirl Revealed to Be Elaborate Way to Tell Brittany Mahomes She’s Not a Bridesmaid

i love how all you have to do now is visit a website to window shop and they can just magically email you 300x a day

okay this is fucking sick as hell

okay it's actually quite fun to watch the air & water show from home too

Newsom: "He doesn't play by a different set of rules. He doesn't believe in the rules. As a consequence, we need to disabuse ourselves of the way things have been done. It's not enough to just hold hands, have a candlelight vigil, talk about way the world should be...we have got to meet fire w/fire"

DC statehood is now an imperative. No more dicking around. Next Dem majority, get it done immediately.

WNBA has to start shooting these dildos back into the crowd with a cannon.

Ava, all you do is go on the hammock #bb27 #bigbrother

i could be having the worst day of my life and then everything is cured by 2 excedrin migraine. what the hell is in this stuff

🥹

Absolutely dying at these anchors trying to make fun of Kat and they literally can’t read

my substack is just 5 subscribers away from a nice big milestone. check it out and subscribe for internet refuse in your inbox every week!

3 1/2 more years of this

Just finished my first unicycle class 🤓

This is tonight!!!!!

the robot war in the terminator movies was over the em-dash

oh? you're a star wars fan? name Orders 1-65

gonna go ahead and come clean: i took the entire day off work for the happy gilmore 2 release

i wish this was true for me. i wake up at 5 AM every morning solely due to anxiety about said Things

wait david corenswet is not british??