I needed this laugh

What of Epstein actually died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

It’s 81 in Dallas right now. The turkey is getting a tan.

Today’s pet peeve: bathroom selfies at the gym. I hate to interrupt your self-promoting Internet documentation, but I really need to get by. Please continue to pay no attention to that sign right there forbidding pictures in the locker room.

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Frogs in slowly heating water is a popular allegory for being unaware that you are being destroyed in an incrementally worsening situation. But I'm drawing hope from the past week that we frogs may be a bit more aware of our situation than those allegorical frogs. #Hop

Wisdom from Schoolhouse Rock.

This morning my ChatGPT quota was inexplicably exhausted. It took a while but I pieced it together. Voice mode somehow got activated when I went to bed. The bot then engaged in a 10 hour conversation with my snoring dog, answering questions the pup wasn’t asking and praising him for his insight.

Jon Stewart got a perfect moment with his comedy hero, George Carlin #AfterTheCut

Hahahaha! Yesssssss. Please sent the national guard to San Francisco. Portland has frogs,… San Fran has shit they ain’t ready for. www.yahoo.com/news/article...

@bradleymorgan.bsky.social Ah. I see now why you ❤️’d all my Zappa spam. 😊

To me, powerful means criminal.

So I just got suspended from X because I posted this👇24,000 followers on there (X)

I’ve been screaming this for a decade and no one takes me seriously. Putin is directing trump to take over the country permanently and destroy democracy, for revenge. 'Trump lost it': Ex-insider flags evidence president prepping to 'stay in power forever' www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

Hey Tuck, are you an expert on gay sex now? No? So just gay curious with a crush? www.huffpost.com/entry/tucker...

What I’ve learned while messing around on Bluesky this week: No one is happy. Everyone is spicy and refusing to listen to any opinion that isn’t their own. Each thread is its own universe of hate toward something that doesn’t want to be disturbed, only confirmed and praised. Stay home and read.

This is what gerrymandering looks like.

@crockett.house.gov why are democrats not reminding everyone that this will be the third redistricting since 2020? Has the party forgotten about last year? I was moved from cd 3 in Collin county, to cd 32 in Dallas. I live in Collin county.

Did democrats break quorum in 2024? I was moved from congressional district 3 to 32. They did this last year!

I’m walking in the neighborhood around 4 pm on Sunday. It’s August. Not one cicada is taking. Something is wrong. Texas isn’t right.

Men are starting to wear shorter shorts, and I’m here for it.

White House spokesperson Taylor Rogers tells EW in an email statement that "Joy Behar is an irrelevant loser suffering from a severe case of Trump Derangement Syndrome," and claimed that the show has "hit the lowest ratings" in recent years. 1. Ad hominem 2. Deflection 3. Low ratings Every time

30 seconds of pure joy! 🌼

Thank you so much for the support. Here is a Parlor Roller (Pigeon) doing backflips for you. 🌟

This mashup has me some kind of way

This is so classic of people who have been brainwashed into voting against their own best interests and though I have no sympathy for them it is very sad 😔

People saying that Texas families deserve the results of the flood is kind of not really different than republicans saying hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and fires are God’s punishment for gay people. Hm.

Well this couldn’t be more appropriate. I found this in a box of my father’s stuff, collected circa 1969.

It took less than 300 days to get from "immigrants are eating cats and dogs" to "we will feed immigrants to alligators"

Is there a better metaphor for the past 24 hours? bsky.app/profile/pand...

Having the Ten Commandments posted in every classroom in Texas is SO going to backfire as kids begin to realize the depth of the sins their families and government officials commit on a daily basis. Can’t wait to see the letters our kids will start writing.

Wait… not burly ICE agents wearing tighty-whities to shield their identities?

Maybe this isn’t the best guy to have rooting for you. www.yahoo.com/news/inmates...

If the plane is a gift to the Pentagon, then isn’t it up to the Pentagon to say no thank you?

Hegseth seriously just needs to come out of his little closet.

It’s not progressive or liberal to want to save your nation from criminals SMS conspiracy theorists It’s normal.

If you act like a superior jerk while calling people childish names to earn money, the response you get isn’t racism, it’s rationality. And, if the only way you can get people to care about you is to be an insufferable asshole, you may want to reconsider how much attention you need.