New The Amazing Devil music out in December maybe? HELL YEAH

Every day I pray for the sweet release of death to free me from the criticism and scoldings of old people

Random line: somewhere in the distance a baby cries out, and I wonder if I could be just as honest.

CW: Grief. So ah. My mom died. I'm more able to function than when Luke passed but there's so much more documentation and administrative matters I have to handle this time. The police in HK are also useless. They sent me a message addressing me as my mother's name.

Where can I find a small skull for my table at work?

To that man who told me he liked my look and asked if I was aloof because it was part of my personality and I was being, "feisty", know that I was reticent only because you chose to do this in Mandarin and I just came downstairs for a waffle dog damnit.

For very sad reasons I get really moved by black cats.

CW: Grief. So the demons got me down this whole week, and I know for a fact that part of it was due to me missing my partner too much causing me to imagine terrible terrible images of him contorted into nightmare mode. It's the first day I've felt better. Thus: selfies.

Random thought but I hope Lil Nas X is doing okay.

Me, grumbling about work: Italian man *derogatory* Italian colleague: Hey🥺 Me: ... Not you, another Italian man. Italian colleague: *looks at guy's name* this is an import. Not a true Italian. Damn Italians really know this shit.

Every train trip nowadays seems to revolve around me trying to remember to breathe properly while visions of terrible terrible things seem to play on and on and on.

My brain is three movies playing the montage scenes at once while there's a tiny TV in the corner of the bar with the sound off and no subtitles showing me the most horrible things and a raccoon is changing the films but I keep getting suckered into the horrible bar TV and MY FACE WONT MOVE—

Consciously tuning into my colleagues' conversation which just so happened to be, "Do you like choking?" Which got me so flabbergasted a colleague caught sight of my face and started laughing/coughing. another colleague jokingly told me not to go to horrible places in my brain.

I'm trying to do this thing that people keep saying I should do called— *Checks notes* Taking care of myself? A novel concept, but nevertheless, we persist.

Really it was cemented for me when i turned up at the appointment at 3.30pm instead of my actual target time at 3, only to be informed that my actual appointment had been at 11am that morning.

Guess who has been diagnosed with ADHD with "moderately severe anxiety/depression"!!!!!!

I've accidentally fallen into kontrabida academy and I love it.

My brain hasn't been nice to me today, and I keep wondering if it's worth it. My head keeps trying to tell me that I'm a hateful person and I am close to sobbing. On the plus side I look good today.

I feel like it is important for me to clarify that while I love old Hollywood movies I have never forgiven them for their adaptation of Daddy-Long-Legs that Fred Astaire starred in cause there was NEVER A NEED FOR A MUSICAL ADDITION TO THE MAIN STORY. You had no business being there, Astaire!!!!

I don't have to write something about you on your birthday because you are already in most of my writing.

I don't care what happens to me, I just want art and music and you.

Metal bands are a bunch of fucking nerds

(Right, I should probably mention that I find 99.9 percent of human parts physically disgusting. I’m also less than thrilled with my own human parts.)

Why is there a hot pink car with cat ears

Goddamnit I gotta learn how to smoke

Wife: You get those photos of the kids' merry-go-round we're selling? Husband: Sure did honey, real fuckin haunted by the tortured souls of slain children doomed to ride it each night singing ghostly nursery rhymes to lure any living souls foolish enough to wander close, just like you asked

Most days I'm ambivalent about my boobs but today I want you all the internet to know that they look great today.

i have seen the face of pain and it's a six hour long tattoo session on my ribs while getting sprayed down with liquid and while on my period forgetting what water was.

Being told that the reason why my dead partner's mother doesn't like me is because I'm inherently a terrible person is only telling me something I knew already. No skin off my back.

Due to reasons I have now fallen into the superbats fandom pit. I do not need help getting out of it though I'm ferdectly pine.

I just called YouTube, "daddy" and I do not feel shame

Sometimes I'm so mad at myself.

I can't do this.

It is fucked up to think we live in a world without Ozzy Osbourne now. But it is so wonderful that his last act was going out the way he wanted, while raising about £200 million for charity. No musician death has hit me quite as hard as this except Joey Jordison and Chester Bennington.

Yet another poem dedicated to Charli XCX and declaring,"BRAT SUMMER FOREVER!" by a 35 year old.

If I sound calm, I was actually not calm.

I swear this is part of a poem I'm planning to write.

mzds explains the fundamentals of fandom friendship

"I asked Grok" "I asked chatGPT". Well I asked my dead father and he hasn't replied me either, have YOU heard from him?

The highlight of this week was when my ADHD assessor asked me what I do when I get too angry and frustrated and I told her that I use the bathroom to poop so I'll feel less tension. And then, as a finishing touch, I go, "Heh. I regulate to regulate."

Sorry just a note: I don't talk about my father for a reason. The short answer is that I don't know him enough to talk about him. The long answer is more complicated and I think he's fucked us and my half siblings up for ages and ages. So. No.

Let me explain today's selfies: I went to my first ADHD assessment at the clinic today! It was emotional. Then I went to do some part time work with my relatives and then got. Well. Railroaded with well-meaning advice that served to eat me alive from within, including comments on my makeup.

No more declarations of exchanging my life for his. No more. You say it once, it hooks you in, then what? I actually do it? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way.

Oh you know, the usual. Missing my partner. The imminent collapse of society. Losing connections with friends. MCR. That's why I'm crying all the time.

Ugh, emotions.

I have to be reminded this lesson again and again in the last two months. I didn't know if I was moving too fast, or not moving on appropriately enough or if I was even moving on. All i know is that I cry when I do, i have stopped apologising to him for being alive when he's not, and I am trying.

Uniqlo has lost its support from big titty girls for its airism bandeau bras cause WTF

[tarot reader flips over a card. it's the tower] me: is that good [reader flips over judgement and the hanged man] me: what does that mean [reader taps the hanged man to burn all my lands] me: wait what [that allows the reader to activate tower judgement to reduce my life counter to 0] me: FUCK

everyday I wrestle with the possibilities that ultimately i am but an accessory to some people and that when the person is gone, so does the connection as an accessory.