I'm reading a book on clocks. It's about time!

A rapist, a felon, and a reality star asshole walked into a bar Bartender: what can I get you Mr President

I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2025. I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m definitely not interested

If you want to help a starving cannibal, just give him a hand

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist

New song 👇 m.soundcloud.com/user-9278069...

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

If you ask a tall person to get something off a shelf for you, its only fair that they ask you to pick things off the floor for them

Why isnt a group of squids called a squad?

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do

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