Imagine being president of this country, and thinking paracetamol is the problem drug to go after

The most instinctively brilliant footballer I’ve seen. No 16/17 year old will ever be the level of complete footballer that he was in his debut season.

“Yeah. Just film me with his corpse. Make sure you zoom in nice and tight when I kiss his dead hands” Can we accelerate continental drift a bit faster? The further we are from that fucked up shithole of a country the better.

Gary Lineker on winning the National TV Award, "It's not lost on me why I might have won this award" "Aside from presenting Match of the Day.." "Also, I think it demonstrates that perhaps it's ok sometimes to use our platform to speak up on behalf of those who have no voice"

“Er, deev done a traffic cone. Der might be two traffic cones next year”

Showing the endangered leader of an invaded country my hats

👀 Tremendous viewing lad

Fair play to Patterson for finding a new way every time he plays to display how brainlessly shite he is.

Looks absolutely stunning

“Become a member! Then you can transfer tickets for games other family members can’t attend!” “Not those games though” Honestly can’t fucking stand Everton sometimes.

Love that beautiful bit of on the spot editorialising from Motson “that’s not the best goalkeeper in Europe on that form…” Commentators these days are shit compared to this stuff. Imagine Drury commentating on this. He’d be waxing lyrical about the Children of Lir and the Giants Causeway.

Not me. But I took great delight in repeatedly tearing open the poppers of any mates daft enough to wear theirs.

This is lovely. She’s brilliant. The irony though of the video highlighting the heartwarming nature of a family sharing out a season ticket amongst themselves - when the club seem to be doing everything they can to outlaw/monetise this very act.

This stadium’s aesthetics, lighting and camera angle take me to instantly back to Euro 2000. I can still see that mad Portugal v France game with the big fight at the end.

This is so bad that, even as an Irish person, it actually makes me want to create an AI Oliver Cromwell to oppress him.

Has anyone bought any of that retro Everton training gear from blackandwhite vintage? www.blackandwhitevintage.com Their site is down, and I can’t get through to them

You know those free kicks he routinely wins? Wave goodbye to them if he joins us.

Just imagine Alan Shearer’s face right now

Managers should not be lifting trophies. Their place is proudly clapping to one side, big beaming smile.

Come on Sunlan. I can’t bear the thought of this O’Hare lad being a premier league player.

I hadn’t realised this before, but Spurs really do have the nerdiest looking set of fans, don’t they.

The sheer brass neck of that slug Richard Masters turning up to that game. Needed the protection of about 10 police so he could shuffle in.

Gone already.

I’ve got one wish, and one wish only for the proceedings tomorrow. That for just one moment, they turn the volume down on the PA during the songs so we can just have a sing on our own without being drowned out. *they won’t, because ‘Rossy’ is a fucking idiot.

The state of Guardiola having a pop at the palace keeper there.

If I’m Grealish there, seeing that substitution, I’m off.

Amazed those three palace players were able to combine for the goal without being cynically brought down with no punishment.

Genuine floods, here.

Fucking hell. I’ve gone.

Barcelona can seal the title tonight, when they play away at Espanyol. If that was ever likely to happen to us with the shite, I’m not sure how I’d deal with the situation. Would probs call in a bomb scare.

Don’t think we’ll be seeing that Forest physio with the daft mod hairdo again any time soon.

“Champions of England, you’ll never sing that” from a Leicester end once again. This time to double European Cup holders. Hope they never come back up.

This is bonkers. That wall has got loads of signatures on it. Is this a thing. I’ve walked past that house hundreds of times and wasn’t aware of this happening!

That second half was garbage. As an aside, it’s quite something for Patterson to have spent so much time at the same club as Seamus Coleman and Ashley Young, and learnt absolutely nothing about being a half decent full back.

Actual sick is in my mouth.

This kind of guff can get in the fucking bin.

Seems like a nice bloke

This sounds fucking boss

OUR PLANS FOR OUR LAST EVER DISPLAY AT GOODISON PARK v IPSWICH TOWN 🟦⬜️🟨🟦⬜️🟨🟦⬜️🟨🟦⬜️🟨🟦⬜️ The work in underway for our last ever display at Goodison Park. This will take place before our game V Ipswich Town. If you can help with any of this please drop us a DM! Thank you

Gary Lineker: "This is the mistake the BBC makes. The BBC tries to appease the people that hate the BBC, rather than worrying about the people that love the BBC."

Only Evertonians could turn in on themselves because Kevin De Bruyne got some applause when he took a corner. Never change.

This coverage by Sky here is loathsome.

Josh Brownhill being a 16 goal a season midfielder in the championship says everything about the standard. That big Balkan centre half for Sheff U is still absolute shite too.

Those blaming Moyes for bringing Keane on… it’s not unreasonable for a manager to expect a seasoned premier league player, with international caps, on upwards of 50k per week to be a passable, functioning centre half for 25 minutes. The lad is shite.

Have that you kopite rat.

When the fuck will refs learn what an ‘advantage’ is? Used to only be played if it was a clear run on goal. Do they not realise that the advantage is being able to get people forward and delivering the free kick into the box? Rather than a scrappy bit of rushed possession. Fucking imbeciles.

The teeth on that Williams kopite. Looks like he’s swallowed a fucking lightbulb.

There’s nothing that exudes self-satisfaction more than a referee whilst booking a player for diving. Striding over with that ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed’ face, waving the yellow card with such smug confidence. Unfortunately, 90% of the time the useless cunts get it wrong.

That Van Hecke for Brighton is a massive, embarrassing, gobshite.

The only intrigue left in the premier league this season is the increasingly ridiculous outfits Guardiola wears each week.