Sorry but why has no one locked this ass down yet??

Pleeeeease support live comedy by buying tickets to this show xoxo 👇

It's LIVE COMEDY DAY today which is the perfect day to buy tickets to our amazing (and only) show at @sohotheatre.bsky.social The only April Fool here is you if you don't get tickets!!! sohotheatre.com/events/lmaon...

This is SO extremely exciting! We're doing a big show at Soho Theatre and you *have* to come sohotheatre.com/events/lmaon...

Timothee Chalamet's tiny beard is worse than anything he said about opera and ballet (bear in mind I think what he said was so bad!! that's how much I hate this tiny beard!!)

Intellectually I know it is causing me and my life absolutely no harm at all but I can't help feeling there is something very cursed and sinister about Timmy's Tiny Beard and a lot of things would get better in the world if we shaved it off

Her week must have been really fucking weird before now

I've had the Alan Partridge version of Wuthering Heights in my head for a full week.

If money was no object, what would your ideal gallery/museum be? What specific pieces would you like to see alongside each other? What's the visitor experience? What ridiculous things would you spend money on? What nonsense ideas would you want to try? Who would be doing it?

If money was no object, what would your ideal gallery/museum be? What specific pieces would you like to see alongside each other? What's the visitor experience? What ridiculous things would you spend money on? What nonsense ideas would you want to try? Who would be doing it?

merry christmas I'm afraid

Saying you stand with trans kids, that you believe in inclusion, that you ban them with a "heavy heart" is the most disgusting display of cowardice. Words are meaningless if you say something while doing the opposite.

A few excerpt from this week's newsletter, my last one until March!! Read it right now, or I might never return and then you'd be sorry open.substack.com/pub/lmaonais...

No Black Friday or AI Tuesday or Sheffield Wednesday, discount till the end of the year!!

There was no Black Friday discount on LMAOnaise membership because we ALREADY HAVE A 20% OFF birthday discount and it runs until the end of the year! You can get an entire year for 8/10s of the price (I think that's the best way to describe it) SUPPORT US 🙏 lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com/029f3dfe

Dynamic pricing is exploitative and theatres should be ashamed of doing it

It's this level of Christmas spirit intensity or NOTHING

Do you think George Michael died on Christmas Day so you could avoid him? Grow up

The only hot Who up in Whoville 🌟💎

I've started using the term "cancel culture" to refer to people cancelling plans at the last minute because this is a very real and annoying issue that affects my life, unlike the other definition of cancel culture which isn't real as people like jimmy carr and louis ck prove daily

sometimes things suck and you've got a headache and it's raining and you've just had your hair done and the bus is on diversion and then just as you're nearly at your door you realise you have chicken kiev in the freezer x

We loved seeing @lmaonaise.bsky.social feature a couple of our pals this week. We always knew they had good taste😉 Have a little looksie at their picks @alisonspittle.bsky.social & Urooj Ashfaq. You'll see some other familiar faces too... tinyurl.com/49kp652t

I’m editing the guest features that are going to go out while I’m away for three months and ommmggggg they are INCREDIBLE. I’ve even got one that’s so spicy it had to be anonymous. you have to subscribe now if you want to know about the secrets of the comedy world… 👀 lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com

Quote of the Week, courtesy of Lorna Rose Treen. Read this week's newsletter: open.substack.com/pub/lmaonais...

Was not expecting to hear the phrase "up to their eyeballs in clunge" in reference to Watership Down but I have to thank @eleanormorton.bsky.social for the huge lol I did

So much amazing comedy and cabaret this week across the country. I’m so relieved to see that the London drag community are remembering Sondheim on the anniversary of his passing with possibly THE BEST SHOW TITLE OF ALL TIME!!?? lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com/p/all-mouth-...

Today's newsletter features some AMAZING comedy to see, and a little anecdote about the time I interviewed the nation's sweetheart aka @nickmohammed.bsky.social and how he was indeed the loveliest man ever lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com/p/chinwag-gi...

HI it's been a while, but this month it'll be FIVE WHOLE YEARS since LMAOnaise started, so I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has joined us on the journey at whatever point! It's 100% about the audience and you have made it so fun! (Join us for a good time😎) lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com

I honestly can't remember the last time I woke up to good news. Excuse me for a minute if I feel hopeful about my new mayor in a city 3,500 miles away!!!!

long-haired witches, it's shedding season! time to leave piles of your hair around the office and public transport like fox piss to mark your territory. the city is ours. awooo

Get on this train now if you want to be the best informed person in comedy (after me, obvs)

if you're going to the Fringe you should follow this. if you're not, you should share this and tell other people to follow it

GOING TO THE FRINGE? Want to hear about the shows with buzz before they sell out? Want to hear about the shows comedians are talking about? Follow our new channel! We'll be posting daily hot tips of comedy to see so you don't have to scramble around to find good shit: whatsapp.com/channel/0029...

if you're going to the Fringe you should follow this. if you're not, you should share this and tell other people to follow it

Smoke! Smoke!

the white smoke never lies

Paying for a PR for Edinburgh Fringe is just not an option for a lot of people. Doing your own PR may seem really daunting, but there's loads you *can* do yourself. So, we've put the recording of our March workshop out for all! Here: ko-fi.com/s/649d55e355 #KofiPromoteChallenge #edinburghfringe

Paying for a PR for Edinburgh Fringe is just not an option for a lot of people. Doing your own PR may seem really daunting, but there's loads you *can* do yourself. So, we've put the recording of our March workshop out for all! Here: ko-fi.com/s/649d55e355 #KofiPromoteChallenge #edinburghfringe

Other ways you could support is by getting the print newspaper (yes, there are still a few left), or a PDF of the print newspaper! ko-fi.com/lmaonaise/shop

Helloo! LMAOnaise has had a little setback with the reviewers accom I was hoping to get from the Fringe (didn't get it!) If you think Ed Fringe could do with thoughtful commentary over personal remarks & star ratings, I'd love a hand getting there!! ko-fi.com/lmaonaise #KofiPromoteChallenge

All this money & energy spent to make life more miserable for trans people could've been used to fight against domestic violence, wage disparity, sexual harassment, harassment of people accessing abortion services, proper childcare provision; you know, to make the world a better place instead.

This is also an astonishingly weak piece of reasoning: it's the Supreme Court version of 'we can always tell.' The problems 'the duty bearer' faces here are no different from the problems the duty bearer faces when confronted with gender non-conforming cis people.

LMAOnaise readers are the best readers in the whole universe and are here to tell you why you should join! lmaonaisecomedy.substack.com

There's clowns and songs and remember Skins? That show that perfectly reflected what our teenage lives were like completely for sure 👀 I was like that, it was like looking in a mirror, same for you I presume? open.substack.com/pub/lmaonais...

Loved this! Thanks so much to everyone who came along this evening. There's another opportunity to join on April 9th, 7pm (and a couple of early bird tickets left...) www.tickettailor.com/events/lmaox...

Comedy is still full of men like Russell Brand, not even close to being as famous or influential as him, but still protected, lauded even. I hoped the documentary and investigation might open that up to scrutiny, but it never did. It is still happening

If you're not loving Su Mi already, what have you been doing with your time?? open.substack.com/pub/lmaonais...

British gas have played the long game this April Fools by not letting me have any hot water for 3 weeks! So funny! Haha I am in on the joke!

PERSONAL NEWS: i am making @nigella.bsky.social's potato gratin for my friends today aka my love language 🥔