There is a strangely high number of Simpsons actors in Godzilla 1998.

I just had to google “why is my toilet screaming?” Happy Wednesday or something.

Everyone feels really bad for Phylicia Rashad, right? Like I see her and want to apologize that her likeness is tied forever to that gross bastard. This is, of course, why she was hired to play the role of the hoodwinked old lady Jason Statham must avenge in the classic film The Beekeeper.

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One of my old friends (absolutely offline) was going through some scary stuff last year -- and I, helpless, live so far away. And so I asked what I could do to support her best. "When you see something that makes you think of me, text me."

I watch Demolition Man frequently, and every single time I do, I am surprised that Stallone is in this movie. This is a Wesley Snipes movie featuring Dennis Leary and Sandra Bullock.

I have been in bed for two (2) days. I am very thankful for natural light from my window and also my tablet for watching things to pass the time. The pain is tremendous but my mood seems okay and as long as that holds, I can do this indefinitely.

Why did I watch The Long Walk? I have read it. I knew what it was. Why did I watch it?

Hold on. Are schoolkids YOUNGER than me? NO WAY.

Sally has an attitude problem.

Spending time with my family is so lovely even if my kids and their cousins are the loudest four people on the planet when they get together.

I would like some sort of credit for allowing the lasagna to stand for the prescribed amount of time instead of eating it immediately.

We are having a tiny NYE shindig for our 8 yo bc our teen has abandoned us for friends and when I suggested we listen to music, this nugget yelled “I’M GOING TO GET MUSIC DISC” and got his single CD he has and now we are listening to it.

Tips on getting rid of your Wet Man

I am going to write a book on ways to make your terrible disease funnier. For example, sending memes of whatever animal I like in the moment to my friends with “a donkey would cure me, buy me a donkey” and then see what happens.

This is so funny. Omg. www.ibtimes.co.uk/epstein-file...

My extra woke opinions are all the stuff of legal nerdery. For example, I think that laws allowing individuals to escape liability through the use of corporate structures should be abolished. Also we need to change the way the EEOC does its statistical reporting.

I won. The racoon paid me $5 and made a public proclamation since I got the hippo to dress up.

Tonight is the night. His onesie was delivered to my house and I just handed it off so he can secretly don it and walk into the party dramatically.

I am VERY tired of having long hair. I think I shall dispose of it.

Honestly, I would have also been VERY concerned about Jurassic Park if I was the JD on the ground for the investors.

I have custom coffee mugs made out of rude shit people say to me on the internet. For example.

Watching Jurassic Park and I am again enraged by Ellie’s hair.

Pro tip: make sure the perfume you buy your teenager is the only smell you want to smell ever again.

I’m making my family listen to Manheim Steamroller because when I was a kid, I listened to it entirely too much and my family banned it. No one can stop me now!

My Christmas cracker had a lawyer joke in it!

It is going to be 78 today. No.

I could’ve maybe used less food coloring

What is the nonbinary version of being a mensch?

My baby Sethie has been with us for five years! Check out the before and after.

My husband drove my teen’s bestie to school and the kid requested that my husband play some ICP and I am not sure how to feel about this.

My list of grievances and notable moments from my recent trip is as follows:

This is my very favorite type of joke

It is entertaining to repeatedly come to NYC and never do anything interesting because it drives my NYC-born insane that I won’t even go get bodega food.

Welp, that’s the end of my clinical trial. Back home and to the land of pain I go.

Chromecast is not working on this hotel TV and I am being forced to watch commercials. I am truly God’s strongest soldier.

I have to go to NYC tomorrow and the only thing positive about this is that it is going to be warm so I do not need to pack my coat. Which is good because I don’t think I have one.

Friends don't let friends follow beefhurt cretin. Block him, and warn all your women friends to block him. He's bad, bad news.

As an OT attorney, I am speechless.

Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness

My solution would actually take the teeth out of this nonsense they are pulling now, too. Argh I am not going to be able to sleep if I keep thinking about the EEOC.

I just literally had to stop myself from throwing my phone and I sat up so hard I alarmed my dog. THESE GODDAM PEOPLE

I got the stupidest thing for my friend on the internet and I am so excited. She is going to love it and her teenagers will be so embarassed. It is a pot for plants and drains out of the logical place for liquid to drain from. I win Christmas!

Back from a brief trip to the Land of Despair and I suddenly remembered the things I won’t be able to eat soon so I think I will stuff my face with hard-to-chew things now.

This is a compliment.

My mother (who is actually very wonderful) used to have a friend who was estranged from her kids and I only heard the lady’s story from her through my mom, and it was VERY clear why her kids went LC then NC with her.

Anyone who has lived with a dangerous and troubled person felt yesterday’s news in their core. All the resources in the world are not enough sometimes.

All else being equal, I am kind of enjoying handpicking which of my beloved partners gets each of my beloved clients.

If you were going to leave your physical law office for a long time, what would you bring home? I’m not taking my diplomas but I think I will bring home my physical copy of my oath.