Actually, last piece of the puzzle is making people want to vote for Dems, not just vote against republicans.

What’s one more impeachable worthy crime to these fuckers?

She’s giving Cartman

Gays competing to be the most popular on blue sky? Call that skeeted rivalry

*arwen bending under narsils table*: help me stepbrother, im stuck”

Fisting bottoms:

Cmon, if you’re gonna do a whiskey night, it’s obviously whiskey Wednesday. Amateurs.

Irony is dead, having been beaten with a baseball bat in the back alley

It’s competition time! 🖤 Follow and Repost for a chance to win!! (competition description in alt text) good luck! 🤩🤞

These thugs bum rush their victims and slam them to the ground. Always. Every time Even when it’s clearly not necessary, which is almost every time

Her idea was probably found at the bottom of the 4th wine bottle

If you go the wrong way in an angled parking parking lot, I despise you

King opinion!

Thinking cum dump thots

Archaeologists: D.C. Capitol May Have Once Been Used For Legislating https://theonion.com/archaeologists-d-c-capitol-may-have-once-been-used-for-legislating/

Target stays losing. Never go back there

I don’t know a single diet that doesn’t prioritize getting high amounts of protein. Claiming there is a war on protein is complete and utter bullshit

My mind often thinks about getting a drink. But after this last weekend, every time that happens my stomach immediately turns. It saying” like hell you’re gonna do that to me again”

I’m glad insta ads don’t work on me. Unrelated, I have new underwear on the way 🤭😂

I swear some people are just too dumb to get by

What has happened this weekend alcoholically must never happen again.

See a butt post a butt

Recruiting ICE

Reality continues to be more ridiculous than an @theonion.com headline

Vibing in the sauna. With my unfortunate mustache

Of course I won. It wasn’t even close

It took 18 beers, but I’m the undisputed champion. These straggot boys never had a chance

The bachelor party game is wizards. Build the tallest staff of beer cans. I’m dedicated to winning

Got upgraded to first class. For an hour long flight, but still

Oh look, my area’s minor league hockey team is here at the airport

Oh, god pack

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT!

You didn’t answer the question, Chuck

Straight men will be surprised at women liking men making out but then go crazy over two women making out

Gonna try to drop around 30 lbs this year. Wish me luck.

I could live above a library?!?! That’s a dream I didn’t know I could have! Sign me up!

Gonna be in my Galadriel era

My goals for 2026 are simple. I shall be: 1. Not dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! 2. Treacherous as the Sea! 3. Stronger than the foundations of the earth! 4. All shall love the new me, and despair!

Good morning, I guess

NASA Discovers Distant Planet With Conditions That Could Sustain Rocks https://theonion.com/nasa-discovers-distant-planet-with-conditions-that-could-sustain-rocks/

No, brandton, you can’t be hungry yet. Stop it.

Oily

Oh Utah. 🤦🏼‍♂️

Now they’ve banned Wicked People who ban books are never the good guys

Pray for me. My day is reading ISO and ASTM standards 😭

It amuses me that I’m on a block list for being an AI hater