Cursed

Dogsitting and the two of them are VERY upset I'm working at the desk and not lying on the couch, petting them.

“KEVIN. YOU DUMPED TAR ON THE GOD DAMN OAK?!”

NUZZI: i… i love you RFK: [makes sounds like a rusty 1992 ge gas dryer full of drywall screws with a belt mere minutes from failure] NUZZI: what’s the matter baby. did your drink go down the wrong way

Tired: fallout is about how an increasingly fascistic society relies on nostalgia and scapegoats. You see, even over a hundred years later, they rely on the false image that the post-war yea- Wired: yeah I’m marching under Sarita Choudhury’s banner (the bear with two heads)

Someone: boxed in by another person double-parked, leaning on their horn for 20 minutes Me: I am buying metric tons of ammonium nitrate and siphoning from the boiler.

Snorting out my drink as my gf repurposes the song from the ad for Crossfire (the game) “You got caught up in the Rape Culture! Don’t get caught in the Rape Culturrrrre!”

I can be trusted with a vertibird

🚨 local how-to-help opportunity for brooklyn! 🚨 flatbush / PLG / crown heights area: my dear friend Sarah is organizing a non-perishable food drive to benefit the Ladies in Waiting food pantry on Fenimore. bring items to Hasenstuble (1184 Nostrand Ave.) from 4pm onwards on Wednesday 11/19!

Oh hey, it's 1927 again! And there's a great depression looming!

How dare they go against the hard working Plumber who also hauls goods for grocery stores while bringing their 43 children and parents to doctors they see every day in their corolla.

Showing my gf pics of Lee Pace at the Running Man premiere, “I just don’t think it should be legal to be this hot, frankly.”

I think it’s fair to say that no matter how much Nate Silver hates Bluesky, Bluesky hates him more

Respond to a compliment without cringing or deflecting challenge (impossible)

hello i think you should follow me because i post little paper creatures ok ty

Sweet jesus, someone is arguing with me that the Patriot Act is a *good* example of bipartisanship

Cajoling my gf into replying to a cousin's fb post saying Giuliani was a great mayor with, "my bf said 'inshallah, the revolution will liberate you, too.'"

And my company's software uses an incredibly janky db structure

SQL is the devil.

love that horny little escape artist

tfw you have a bombastic end of a delve in to the heart, and it’s time for the denoument

“excuse me mr. mayor? congratulations on your inauguration and all that, yadda yadda, who cares — have you seen alf hog? … ALF HOG. have you seen it. don’t dodge, yes or no”

Oh god this concession is about to give me LIFE

GET. THE FUCK. OUT

Really annoyed I have to wait at least an hour

There is literally nothing that Shohreh Aghdashloo could tell me that I’d object to. “Cut your fucking leg off!” “Yes, ma’am, which one is that?!”

Me: Alright I need to be settled in the new apartment before I even think about getting a pet Also me: I need a puppy right fucking now.

‪"Skipped, Skipped, Skipped, none of you are 'The Smallest Church In Sussex!'"

(Re)watching The hand that rocks the cradle “Julianne Moore is always right.” Hitting the end of The hand that rocks the cradle “See. Julianne Moore. Correct. As always.”

Yeah, I haven't voted early because the early voting site is a hike and a half. I'm voting. I've voted ever since I can. Climb out of my ass and stop texting me, stranger.

I really do love these shirts

Man is DESPERATE for the reactionary vote

There's a contingent in r/nyc that talks about the "car-hater brigade" from r/nycbike and it's honestly hilarious. Like the people in r/nycbike don't live in the city and are just trolling by pointing out all the crashes

I really hate the hagiography re: Bloomberg as mayor. He did not know how to govern in a democratic system and massively expanded stop and frisk, but hey, I guess bolstering the budget with your private donations you pull the second your term is over is awesome

Oh cool we're remaking Outbreak, but in real life

When did we as a people decide it was ok for producers to start taking the giblets out of whole chickens?

“bUt mAmDaNi dIdN’t SuPpOrT bIdEn Or HaRrIs iN tHe 2024 pRiMaRy” - someone who hopes a serial sexual harasser wins the NYC mayoral election

One day, not today, but one day I'll remember that I was boiling water for coffee on the first try

They’re about to hit The Colony LET’S FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“All blondes are cylons, All Brits are bottoms”

Apparently, "save up for a luxury you can't just buy outright" is cruel

Taking the finale off of my plex so he has to wait a full week (like I should have been doing this whole time)

"They will talk about the past, because that's all they know" Hooooooooo boy! Also someone cut my internet what am I doing watching this

meanwhile every day for like a month curtis sliwa has been out here saying stuff like “the only way I’m getting out of this race is if you physically push me onto the tracks and even then I might survive I’ve done it before”

I have never gone wrong with this. Not once. Maybe use some more tarragon. But otherwise? Nope.

The best part about playing The Heart is we are all, to a person, lunatics

This was originally about the Emirates, but I'd say it works if you copy/paste "UAE" with Venezuela"

Stop using my fucking netflix, Dan. You make six figures