I got my first “let’s circle back in the new year” email. praise the powers that be because I am checked the fuck out

I’m one more cute tiktok video away from getting a bunny

I’m still mourning the loss of daylight but at least it’s fuzzy sock season

it’s 10pm do you know where your zooboomafaoo is?

every year on Thanksgiving I’m reminded how annoyed I am it’s spelled “grateful” and not “greatful”. greatful makes more sense. TO ME

a woman’s intuition always knows when a man gets his hand amputated

I returned my old phone to Verizon with 2 days to spare. everyone clap for me.

I think I should be allowed to spit on anyone that goes out on Halloween without a costume

how am I supposed to focus at work when it’s Halloween?

me scheduling a meeting next week: hey sorry my Monday morning is pretty booked. can we move this to Tuesday? what’s actually on my calendar: being hungover from halloweekend

I’m wearing men’s jeans I got at the thrift and goddamn this picked situation is incredible. I wish society didn’t hate women so we could have full sized pockets too.

how beautiful to see the lesbian bar playing SVU

me delivery a client terrible news at 4:19 pm on a Friday and closing my laptop for the weekend:

there’s a fly buzzing around my office. if you don’t hear from me again it’s because I’ve thrown myself into a river and I’ve been washed out to sea.

on the plus side, I know more about my friend’s holes than what they do for work and I think that’s beautiful.

another day in cooperate America wishing I could just into a river and float away

there are no good or bad voyeurs, right @masterblaster69.bsky.social?

what if instead of working a 9-5 I just jumped in a peaceful river and floated away?

I love when I get a notification on IG that someone liked or reacted to my story and I’m like “hmm I wonder what I posted” because I have zero recollection

I might’ve stayed out past my bedtime but I was gifted a bottle of hot sauce and I’m pretty happy about that

It’s almost midnight on a school night and I’m still out :( I want to be in my bed :(

out of habit I took otc sleeping pills with my nightly meds forgetting I drank tonight. wish me luck!

I’m not a disney adult I’m a disney channel original adult

I’m a simple girl

I just finally got a break from seeing t*ylor sw*ft all over my feed and now this 😭😭

after a period of no reposts the tattoo artist reposted my last three tattoos. I feel untouchable

I think all scalpers should be but on cruise ships and sunk to the bottom of the sea

I would pay double the price for a Lyft if the driver would actually play music. A 20 min silent ride makes me want to jump out of the moving car.

Self care in Alaska

those AI self driving wall-e wheelchairs at the airport are so dystopian. they make me want to scream.

never been closer to rage quitting my job. unfortunately I like having fun with my friends too much to give up the money :(

I love Tacoma because when you go to the pride block party the bouncer is also your librarian

this is simply NOT enough cream cheese. why would you do this to me DFW?

the republicans have acquired the federal government weather machine and are using it to rain out the Kesha concert in a major act of homophobia

hey chat, I don’t think I like Dallas

thank god I’m laughing so much. it’s really helping me digest my Chili’s

So there I was in the Chili’s as a pass around party bbq sauce titties

“I love being the final femme presenting people at the greatest shemale banquet of all time”

I haven’t celebrated America in a decade; I am celebrating Kesha tomorrow

call me a shit fuck the way I go ass to vaj

Reading my second romcom in a row where two hot lesbians end up in a “one bed” situation. God is good. #blessed

“I love learning new things about my body such as I can motorboat myself.” - @rywieee.bsky.social

TO ME Leave Me Alone is slam poetry

Despite the horrors all around us I feel blessed to live in a time in which I can drink a cough syrup flavored beverage to get drunk. (Cough syrup flavored is used positively here just to be clear)

Tragic news for me. My hot tattoo artist has a husband. Please keep me in your thots during this trying time and pray she’s open

You know when quiet hours hit at the campground so you have to asmr scream/sing Animals by Nickleback around the fire?

Me to me: are you mad at me?

I’m rotting at an advanced level today and DoorDashing from two different restaurants.

Apologies to everyone at Donna’s waiting for the bathroom. They’re playing Matilda in here and I’m not leaving until it’s over.

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