Not now sweetie, daddy is late for his shift at the integer factory

Custom Haskell RTS that plays the Wilhelm scream every time a partial function is evaluated

Custom C runtime that plays the Wilhelm scream every time a standard library function is invoked

Fun fact: while many other languages have syntactic sugar, C is the only language with syntactic hydrochloric acid

The only legitimate software development methodology: 1. Think very hard about an implementation 2. Don't do anything

Tip: There is never a good reason to write a function with a signature different from void f(void *)

Everyone is laughing at you in the group chat man. They're saying you don't even formally verify your code

It is no surprise that latex was invented by famous pervert don knuth

At the most fundamental level, bloodborne is a game about maintaining legacy code

The cat has once again deployed a devastating DDoS attack against my "lap" microservice, causing me to miss work,

The scrum master smiles at nobody in particular. "Time to have a bit of fun! This week's retro will be Harry Potter themed" My eyes instinctively dart towards the exit. The padlocks are already in place

The problem with words is that they are sometimes only 16 bits. Try using dwords

Assessing the quality of a random number generator is luckily quite simple. Every time it gives you a value, ask yourself: did I expect this to happen?

shut up shut up shut up

Mr bomberguy thank goodness you're here. I have been brutally plagiarized by C++ . All that array shit you hate is me!! It's all MY bad design! Please kill bjarne stroustrup

Alonzo Church must have been a huge half life fan. I wonder if he ever worked at valve

Recursion is a mental illness. You want to do WHAT to my call stack?? How do people think it's natural to put a thing inside itself? Literally makes me sick just thinking about it

Really excited about "scripts"! 🤔 They are a kind of agentic AI model that autonomously interacts with your computer by using "statements" generated through a developer-machine interface. 😲 This is some seriously disruptive stuff and really shoes how much AI is changing the scene! 😳

Date: "So are you like... a hacker?" Me: *busts out flipper zero* "Heh. Let's just say.... if you were running a 10 year old version of iOS... you'd be in a lot of trouble right now"

Embedded Software development is Software development in C23 where the #embed directive is used. This is just one of many fields of software development discovered by @thephd.dev

woah... mandela effect..

This 97 year old compiler still unrolls its loops the old-fashioned way

Sometimes I like to write an #undef for a macro that was never defined in the first place, usually in the middle of a file. Keeps the maintainers on their toes

this is because people are stored in a ring buffer. its a posix compatibility thing

The amateurs in the python steering council are fine with adding useless language features like "t-strings" or "r-strings" (???) but won't even acknowledge my ꙮ-string PEP. I'm fucking done

In many ways, C is a quirky, Earthbound-inspired RPG

That Turing guy clearly didn't know what he was taking about cause you can just do scan-build gcc main.c to check if a program will halt

A n executable is just aaaaaa. A function that takes an string and returns a char. And sometimes turns off your computer .

True and real. My name is Björkus and this is my favorite comment on the Committee.

Tip: put all your includes in include.h and then #include <include.h> in every file.this adheres to DRY and will have no negative consequences

Technically a Caesar cipher is military-grade encryption. They don’t mention *which* military

Sometimes you observe a perfectly normal, innocent microcontroller and just. Can't stop yourself from giving it seven mental illnesses

job skills include: python pytorch nodejs react inducing existential dread inducing thalassophobia calling things crabs referencing blood exactly hitting character limits giving people new kinks aimlessly wandering the labyrinth of reality looking at the ocean no, I mean really *looking* at her git

REAL programmers have an imaginary component equal to zero

REAL programmers touch type so they never have to look. You should never have to look. Don't make me l

my restrained & tasteful use of macros is going to get me laid one day. there is no stopping it. i am a deer in headlights

There are as many real programming languages as there are genders: one

typedef enum t_NoYesEnum { e_NO = 0, e_YES = 1, e_NoYesMax } t_NoYesEnum;

People will really call themselves computer scientists without ever having killed a traveling salesman

Stop sending me this image. Your IP addresses have already been forwarded to law enforcement.

When the the pointer is sus

It's time to stop the gatekeeping; encryption and encoding are functionally the exact same

One day I may be allowed to die blog.adacore.com/nvidia-secur...

A SIGTERM is issued by the operating system; my process effortlessly dodge rolls it, then immediately executes a perfect parry against the MMU. Before it can recover, a null pointer has been loaded into EBX. The kernel groans at my shit.

Compiled 😔

It would be nice if there was pride in C as well, but let's not lie to ourselves,

To celebrate the release of the Nintendo Switch 2™, the C committee has added an Easter egg to the C programming language called the "switch" statement! Connect your compiler with your Ninteno Online™ account to try it out!