getting pounded on all fours so hard i piss all over the sheets and you beat me for not pissing outside like a good doggie and shove my face down into it and make suck it all out of the sheets as a punishment

this thing just casually crushing a full water bottle by accident is lowkey terrifying. imagine what it will be doing to penises in a couple years

"god this guy sucks. this guy fucking sucks. i need him to like me as a human being so fucking bad"

ok so maybe i don’t like hp but i think if i had a time turner i would say im gonna try to study extra for classes and then end up wasting even more time

i like femtanyl but if that hurts ur ears im in complete and utter understanding. because i thjnk i have tinnitus

love a good sunrise is all

guys it’s okay, I put the entire internet in a blender and poured that into a computer powered by the world’s most inefficient water wheel and get this: it said I’m the smartest guy ever! so like, problem solved, amirite

the thing abt rwby volume 9 is that it’s really good & personally impactful to me but if i start to describe it i sound like jordan peterson weepily describing a dragon-slayer

been secretly doing some oomf matchmaking recently

Aren’t you a little too old to be doing the “petite girl in a pink frilly dress smoking a cigar” pose?

star wars as a merch juggernaut vs star wars as a film series is so funny. like my favourite performances are from pernilla august & don henderson as shmi skywalker and cassio tagge respectively, but neither make good action figures as “old woman in rags” and “naval officer with receding hairline”

i like that we have a pure ragebait administration. im sure its very smart

Gritty DREAMZZZ 2045 reboot should open with: ———————————— IN 1953, THE U. S. CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY BEGAN INDUCTING HUMAN TEST SUBJECTS TO TEST THE EFFECTS OF PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES, TOWARDS UNLOCKING A NEW HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS IN A BID TO WIN THE COLD WAR ————————————

literally me

oh he was the Teflon president alright

in 2022 i scoffed at hazelll anime getting really invested in cooking and yet here i am making a steak au poivre

'monchalantly' is a very funny typo for some reason

danny underscores femtanyl in town i don’t caare

gonk dunk thonk bonk whump

“im not autistic ive never been tested” im giving you the Just Posted About The Phantom Menace For Three Hours Straight award

there is one thing i am certain of, and it is that there is no greater sign of looming fascism than a fear of uncertainty

this is how my employment history looks too girl

im so jealous of sufjan stevens. what do you mean this fifty year old man can achieve beginners mind without the use of cannabis??? fuck u dude

when i was a kid i was led to believe that being Good At Things was the only thing that mattered, so i got good at whatever i did. turns out that shit doesnt matter at all, the only thing that matters is actually Talking To Other People

“why do you wear that big coat” it’s because it makes me look cool. like im in the matrix. just kidding it’s shopliftjng

pavlovian response to call bell chimes with a bassline “king of the hill music”

the clown whose little car exploded in front of child robert pattinson is something that would happen in a david lynch movie. ideally you cast Jacob Elordi for the part

i love commenting on other peoples lego builds and noticing cool things i could implement into my own work but i would NEVER EVER start a new moc

trans girl who uses “dude” liberally and gets called “dude” all the time by her found family/friendgroup but goes feral when a disgusting pathetic stranger piece of shit worthless bitchmade scum on the side of the street gremlin freak demon coward loser imbecile fagg*t calls her “dude” inan argument

just learned what Hot Allostatic Load was

they’re making the wizard of oz woke!!! they’re turning “The Cowardly Lion” into “The Closeted Bisexual”

yknow what. one year later and it’s still true

M*A*S*H is better than Metal Gear Solid.

is “there are only so many ways to skin a cat” a common phrase or have i sounded like a serial killer for fifteen uears

the meta is to make enough typos, errors & all around just repugnant minor comments that eventually everyone around u thinks ur suffering from a prion disease

thinking about buying a garage unit to put all my legos. thinking of arranging everything to turn the garage into a microcosm of the world. thinking about writing a post-apocalyptic movie around the coordinates to a secret treasure thats a tiny storage unit with a child’s idea of the 20th century

u watch one battle after another after coming down from a high once and you decide all goyim are cattle

going to start rejecting paid subscriptions for online shit on the basis that i need to learn to make a blog fully personalized to my tastes of my own accord

think i need a warden burger

i don’t think ur allowed to call urself that

is 8485 trans and can she give me voice training lessons

daddy daughter games

ORPHEAN CHALLENGE: compose a tribute to your favourite composer/artist/musician /muse without ever listening to their work for the duration of. bonus if u refrain from viewing them a month before starting

“leaven” having the same root as “levitate” is one of those really cute things u don’t notice until u rotate the words in ur head a little

youtube shorts has misled me in baking for the last time