Fallon is somewhere adjusting his levers and wheels, sweat falling from his brow onto a cockroach that immediately gets blackout

Like 50% of things that have ever happened fall under the category of "political violence"

Brewed Cold Boldy YOURS

Bad day. I was writing a birthday card for my friend when I tripped and fell into a large machine that caused me to draw a picture of a sexy child on it and sign my signature like pubic hair and make my writing somehow both screenplay and verse

Italics should be something you earn by undergoing a tiered series of trials. You should be willing to die for those italics

I've seen enough. I'm conking in

Hoping someone edits my story down to a tight 0

I really enjoyed your piece! Just one edit: could you strip away the characters, settings, and plot, until it’s just pure light?

one of the best things for a lineup to be is a murderer’s row

Don’t forget what they don’t want you to know.

Is libgen gone for good? What are other tools like it?

They're dividing me by 3 tomorrow

Dreamt that I washed my hair and did some work on my computer. A troubling omen that portends I'm going to wash my hair and do some work on my computer

My track record of acting really weird is starting to trouble my perception of myself as the most normal guy in the world

The New York Times has helped to enable and sustain Israel’s ongoing genocide. A new dossier reveals the close ties of 20 top editors, executives, and journalists at the Times who have covered Gaza and their connection to Israel and Zionism. mondoweiss.net/2025/07/the-...

Amazing question! I’d say my project explores the intersection of pathetic, disgusting, and long

Bro I love your lifestyle. It's such a biting satire of the creative class

Accidentally typed "les out July" www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PWM...

They are doing Defund The Police in reverse: Gutting the social safety net and giving unlimited power to a vast, violent gestapo to deal with the consequences.

What if I conk out? Oh but my darling, what if you conk in?

“Standing up on it” — the opposite of “bouncing on it” — radical disavowal

There’s no hope. #Unless

Girl who writes a newsletter I read about how hard it is to not have a boyfriend just sent out a newsletter with the heading I Got A Boyfriend. Up is down in this reverse society

(Approaching you in public. I look sick) I love how your dress merges the disciplines of shirt and pants

It must feel amazing to be at large

(wisely) Ouch. Owch yowch

My area. I will never stop hanging out in my Area

Eating a Toblerone and the triangles start bouncing around my stomach like a DVD menu

The Cuomo campaign reportedly asked public library union leaders in a recent meeting if they'd considered *charging a fee* for library services, alarming some library workers. Asked about the incident, a Cuomo spokesperson blamed a campaign volunteer. hellgatenyc.com/cuomo-librar...

The Hostile Architecture of Toblerone

(touching Toblerone's characteristic spikes) Promise you'll stop for me

Taking some time to focus on personal projects, like figuring out if Bar Italia is a restaurant, furniture, or a band

Oh no. I (40f) trained my gay best friend robot (0m) on a corpus of somber phrases

Inventing a somber hijink

Printing millions of graphic tees that say “G(I)RL(B)OS(S)”, cashing out and moving to the seaside

I loved your novel! My only feedback is to remove all the systems

I’m practicing going “Ha ha ha!” and hitting a table. To replace Jimmy Fallon

Hey, I loved your piece this week. Just wondering if you could edit it so it changes my material reality?

My joyless girlfriend won’t let me invite Dracula into the house

Instead of saying "this is a non-woke take" before your opinion, you should have to say "Hitler moment but..." Then you can proceed.

Nabokov's famous invention, the Fun Pedophile, beguiles and confuses readers to this day.

My statement in response to Israel's overnight bombing of Gaza.

management & HR simply hate workers & want to punish them! simple as

I feel like regular people shouldn't be able to view SNL50. It seems like more of a private celebration

I feel extremely lucky that this was the first short story I got to edit at Joyland (and very glad we got a Valentine’s Day publication date for it). this is a really, really special piece

Did my taxes the day before Elon deleted Direct File.... paranoiacs up 1

While maintaining the iconic apple shape

Some good news out of the animal kingdom— Dolphins have decided to shape up and behave. “We’re done with all that,” a dolphin representative said

The grief is neverending but so is the [touching earpiece] Wait. I have some terrible news