B: back but not very happy about it

today is a great day to not kill yourself btw

we're Fine but it's hard to un-ring that bell once you've sunk that low

you ever have such a broken brain that you keep drifting into dissociation and it physically hurts and makes you freak out which temporarily pauses the drifting into dissociation and then you relax only to start dissociating again

P: We're safe.

how the fuck did I end up in a toxic relationship with a job that I love? special sauce y'know

if I don't get a new job soon I'm going to continue actively hurting myself in pursuit of... what? money, so I can keep fucking working and hurting myself

too pure (evil) for this world

and here we are endlessly, pointlessly complaining into the void again it was pointless when it was tumblr, when it was reddit, and now here on bluesky so just shut the fuck up and do anything else

It is morally reprehensible to be upset that no one reaches out to you when you constantly actively push people away

maybe the fact that no one takes me seriously is a good thing somehow

the problem with being notoriously imbalanced and chaotic is that no one really takes you seriously when you say "I want to kill myself"

it's not a cry for help because I know there's nothing to be done I could try to live a quiet little life where I suffer in silence and do my little job or I could just not do that

there's no point when it hurts this much I've been told I'm broken in a way that can't be fixed I have so much to live for but I can't enjoy it when I suffer so profoundly chronic pain might kill me before anything else does

I don't want to do anything I don't want to see anyone I don't want to be anywhere I don't want to think anything

might kill myself ngl

side effects of sobering up may include vivid dreams and decreased will to live

i think i struggle to feel like i have any real value unless im constantly being sexualized

girl who is emotionally unstable

platonic service rapist

anger really doesn't suit me yet here I am, quietly furious in the nighttime

one of these days I'm going to get someone to teach me how to like... use public transport... or use a computer

*angrily writes poem*

why is my name Be not Bea or Bee? why would it not be?

unhappy Be posts sneakily while She is asleep

one problem with being part of a plural system is that you can sort of passively commit suicide by trying to make life quieter for your headmate

B: if I had a voice I would scream

oops I got way too fuckin stoned

as a plural system it is extremely important that you communicate to others when you are acting against the wishes of your headmates

Oops posted on main Is that too plural-clocky? Probably but also I don't care

B: tbf tho most people don't even know that plurality is a real thing so ur unlikely to get clocked by someone that isn't plural

IT'S NOT OBVIOUS RIGHT??

It's not obvious that I am plural because surely everyone would tell me if it were

B: the best worst part of being plural AND trans is worrying about being clocky in two different ways

It was pretty stupid to make the name of our system our handle on our main account

Not to brag but I'm severely mentally ill

B: bait doesn't ask to be eaten, it has a hook threaded through it and gets dangled in an environment in which it cannot breathe to lure predators in genuine snuffbait would involve me being used to lure in my captor's dinner, which is an unfathomably hot concept I cannot aaaaaaaaaa

seriously though getting pinned by a very strong girl and having ket forced into your hole right before getting brutally raped is uhhhh funnnnn

B: mmm yeah I think getting fucked in every conceivable way is a good plan for this evening

asking her to lovingly induce a k-hole

ketamine

Are we safe on our own? Nah It'll probably be fine though

hmmm wonder why DID sufferers don't tend to live very long

This fucking cunt tracked me like a goddamn NPC just fucking GAWPING at me as if I was walking around naked

Imagine staring daggers at a trans person just doing her fucking job

fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck Tourette's fuck don't want to live like this

B: imagine not having the agency to kill yourself even if you really want to

B: I know I'm feeling depressed because it's four days until we quit substances but it's not *just* that

B: I don't want to live like this I can't stay inside but I can't survive outside I can't even read a fucking tube map let alone do Her job so I'm just fucking stuck here