I’m thinking of writing a concept album and stopping recording each track when I’m interrupted by a delivery person or knock at the door as some kind of sick experiment that the listener will have to endure

just....enjoy this

Capers: you either have 23 industrial sized open jars of them in the fridge or you have completely run out

My daughter was examining her take away cup and asked “Why does it say “Americano, Cappuccino, Mocha”… on the side?” I explained what the names were for. She then started crying. I asked “What’s wrong?” and she replied “I wanted a hot chocolate but it’s says I have a Hot Caution.”

It’s weird how a slow cooker is named after what would be a regular cooker’s weakness

"Remember me" is the "Tear here to open" of the digital world

Hello! I am looking for a freelance/contract UI designer to help on a project asap. Luxury brand experience and working with design systems a bonus. Please get in touch via benbrignell.com/pages/contact, thank you!

I have never been up this late before

No ploughmans has ever been served with the appropriate amount of bread to accompany the quantity of cheese provided

I have a kitchen utensil and I’m not sure where it belongs, so I just keep putting it back in the dishwasher. It’s been almost six months now.

Feeling confident in your abilities and achievements to-date until you try reversing a trailer

Only working in tech does your entire team have a minute’s silence at 11am to pay respects to a chicken called Lisa that you once brought to standup

I just tripped over a hosepipe. These things are lethal, I think they should be banned.

Working outside in the cool shade… Pros: Cooler outside, actually can function Cons: A dragonfly the size of a Cuban cigar flew into my screen and left behind what I can only describe as "some dragonfly juice"

Having a hot drink to cool me down

If you see this, quote post with a robot that isn’t from Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who or Transformers.

When you do a complete redesign and it looks exactly like the design before the last redesign

I’m looking forward to this WELL DESERVED thunderstorm

Barbecue tip: Don’t do what I just did RE barbecuing.

It is so hot that it merits incessantly mentioning that it is so hot to whoever is with you at the time

Do insects think flying is fun?

I have never watched a movie with a gif. Usually I’m on my own or with someone I love.

Why is it called a MacBook Air when a feature of it is that it has no fan

A live demo where the Teams window freezes over the top of what you’re trying to demo like it’s been superglued to your screen, you can’t click on anything & you have accidentally switched to the pen tool so when everything unlocks & springs back to life it just shows a load of random plotted lines

Whose design system talk/article had the big “it’s just like Lego” example of a giant boat or spaceship or something made out of random bits of Lego?

I can’t wait for Wimbledon to be over just so I can say ✅ Wimble: Done

:: Ben sits down at the dinner table and picks up his knife and fork :: The kids simultaneously: 👧 Dad, is a nut made of wood? 👦 Dad, is hyperspace technically another dimension?

What if, to combat global warming, the planet had a hot cup of tea to cool itself down

What is the point of wood pigeons?

My friend just asked me to call him back next week as he is in Greece at the moment. I said “I didn’t know you that you went to the audition”.

There is a common misunderstanding about what OOO means in the workplace. It’s often attributed in a calendar to meaning “Out Of Office” but it’s actually the sound you make when you see that somebody is on holiday for two weeks.

Be the pufferfish you are within

Venn diagram

A messaging app for stinging insects with a narrow waist and a predatory or parasitic lifestyle called Wasps App.

💡 A holster for a WD40 straw so that you never lose it

Doing my bit for the environment: I just used a teaspoon to get some Branston Pickle then used the handle of the same spoon to remove a teabag. The old me would have used and washed up two teaspoons.

If a wasp lived in a cottage would it go for black and white striped curtains or something a bit different (like black/yellow polka dot)?

Whenever anyone mentions Manuka honey I can’t help but reply “Your nuka honey?”. And this is why I have no friends or family.

Ever opened a pack of hotdog buns assumed they weren’t already pre-sliced, sliced them yourself but the opposite way to the presliced slice and ended up with a pile of hotdog buns which were just long useless slithers of bun? It happens to the best of us.

Flies can 1. Find their way in 2. Not find their way out

Anyone good at identifying teeth? Just dug up this. Yes, I can probably use an app to identify it but that’s a bit boring. 🌱 🦷

76 hours of prep for the first barbecue of the year which takes 12 minutes to cook

My 9yo just said “I think I know what A.I. actually stands for. Absolutely Irritating.”

I once saw Judith Chalmers buying a suitcase

When life gets weird. Currently about to drop off a bridesmaid dress and pick up a battery for a lawn tractor with my car parked in the same location.

Pet Sounds. Best album in the world. Worst album cover in the world.

I can’t believe this was fifteen years ago. I would have said 3-4 tops. www.theguardian.com/science/2009...

Dishwasher flavoured tea

Hey are you ok, you've barely touched that Miro board you made us stumble around for 2 hours?