it's the future and people on the internet are frustrated that I am corporeal

one more depression nap should do the trick

I kind of want to grow like ten additional uteruses out of spite

please leave negative reviews for baby einstein DVDs, citing the fact that they didn't give your baby enough abs

I've been casually falling down an up escalator for about three years now

FUCK ALL A.I SHIRT AVALIABLE AT dashare.zone - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

"angel" by shaggy only comes on the radio when I am actively bleeding through my clothes. I can't believe how powerful I am

[checking the weather] damn its evil as shit out today

we’re watching sunny and james is just describing how much he wants to wash charlie

lol at my online presence

here at reddit we accept everyone: douchebags, assholes, revolting slime molds contorting to spell out racist slurs,

just googled "how to feel feelings" because I'm really good at being alive and related activities

I just ate so many things and I'm lying in my bed whispering "calorie............."

have been meaning to do this for a long time - we'e going to do a FOIA Forum about our Flock reporting next week: www.404media.co/our-new-foia...

girl got a mouth like a wax seal

I reformatted them and made new lil covers and I did a medium job at it

this guy with 30k followers who follows 60k accounts is going to be my new best friend i can feel it

rust happens when iron and oxygen kiss after oxygen hasn't shaved its beard in a few days

SATURDAY NIGHT!

here's a character sketch for your nanowrimo novel: someone wearing Glenn Beck jeans on a visit to Jeff Dunham's winery

👍 dashare.zone ADMIN

james and I are pretty clearly in love huh

One way to stop me from burning every copy of the Washington Post? Bury them underground forever.

this is the third time in two weeks i have been behind this car

I just realized that this photo is strikingly similar in composition to my own avatar. we are not so different, Finger Kissing Chef Muppet

SORRY - dashare.zone ADMIN

next on Mythbusters: can a man...LOVE a silicone dummy? [Jamie kneels to gently kiss Buster, his mustache crackling with Sexual Electricity]

"it's football folks" - new catchphrase

gift idea: kiss your breath into a glassblower's mouth and have him fill a translucent sphere with it

what percentage of bodies on the earth don't work anymore

On. On. On. Show me all of it.

the commentators on battlebots wear pocket squares

I think if everyone in the world but me froze I would write all over them good things in permanent marker

weeping is slick and birds are nude and you're just going to have to deal with it

mayor zohran mamdani must seize david harbour’s pussy palace and redistribute it

this is my leg by the way, I know someone will ask

guys there's a link to my tumblr in the corrections to an article on the atlantic, I am famous as hell

pretty sick of having to eat "food"...shouldn't we be subsisting on like, NutraOrbzz or something by now

at the open house making a beeline for the crawlspace and wedging myself in there pretty good

next time I go to the doctor I'm going to write "sludge" in every blank space on the intake form because it's true

might fuck around and eat an entire box of annie’s homegrown organic friends bunny grahams baked graham snacks

This is how it used to feel to go online.

“I’ve got a tight five of anti toad and frog material”

every I Survived with a dude in it is like "well it was friday night so I decided to get on my snowmobile and accelerate towards the moon"

I'll be in san diego april 30 to may 5

I missed it but Chris said we had a group of teens come to the door and after they left with their candy one of the girls came back and was like “hey. what’s your dog’s name”

I'm going to laugh my mouth onto your mouth

cop: did he send any texts around the time of the crash? cop 2: he sent a post that reads “padding my three track album with 26 skits and interludes” cop: not bad but it ain’t going viral cop 2: posting isn’t just about going viral cop: (sighs) not this shit again

I have gray hairs and acne, bodies are a scam, born to die, world is a fuck, etc.