I just looked up whether prozac can make you smell worse and found out that it can. lol. earth is an idiot

RETWEET IF AGREE - dashare.zone ADMIN

it is so cold that I lacked the fine motor skills to unlock my apartment until several minutes after I entered the building

today my tattoo artist told me she saw jason mraz live when she was younger and instead of playing any music he came out with a ventriloquist dummy

I feel about you like very deep in the ocean where it is heavy and things don't need eyes

remember that time I called my boyfriend wario ryan gosling and he literally grew a mustache about it

SHHHHH - dashare.zone ADMIN

my trip has been great with a few terrifying exceptions

yeah I got abs. got a six pack, got six spare abdomens in a package in case I ruin this one *flex* whatup

should i apply to grad school? could be hilarious

shhhh baby let me do The Downward Spiral on you

I want the cover of my next book to be me struggling to eat a very elaborate ice cream cone

I changed that like 100 times because I don't know what the main section of a wiener dog is called. I thought maybe like..."barrel"

I wonder how many individual centipede legs have ever touched me while I was sleeping

next on mythbusters: is the liquid dripping from our ears toxic? is it even organic? how is it making that noise? when will it stop

my little sister got a part in a play as a 90s teen undergoing psych evaluation after torching a mercedes. love u emily

why do red blood cells look like inner tubes if I'm not supposed to get tiny and use your veins as a lazy river. not guilty, your honor

top of the wiki page for tia and tamera mowry's movie "seventeen again" says "for the white people version starring zac efron, see 17 again"

selectively breeding all the technology I own until I produce some kind of computer that will gently cradle me and ghostwrite my blog

It's time to do that thing you've been wanting to do

extremely what and incredibly why

feels like the smart crib should send you a push notification like “hey. you guys good?”

what the hell do I want for lunch... *x-files music*

james just told me he played montresor in a third-grade production of the cask of amontillado with a samurai sword he brought from home

NEW SHRIT "YOU CAN NOT GO BACK: dashare.zone JOIN "MEME'S BY MAIL" TO SEE WHAT YOUR MISSIN BY ONLY FOLLOWIN ME ON BSKY : patreon.com/dasharez0ne - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

I'm really sad, does anyone wanna come over and do something terrible to my hair

historical linguistics is extremely interesting :literally everyone ever turns and looks at me doubtfully, crossbows readied:

in case you thought I might be a graceful creature I would like to tell you that I once tripped and slammed my palm into a live bee

GOT A SHIRT OF THIS ONE AT dashare.zone - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

the idea that plants move towards sunlight will convince everyone for a long time that they are not actually writhing in very slow pain

ghosted by my optometrist

GIVE ME A SHOT - dashare.zone ADMIN

excited to cry on four different types of transportation today

Mr. Never Been in Love

Jose Canseco buys the set of X-Men & hooks himself up to Cerebro. his eyes flutter closed. "concentrate," he whispers. "find all the haters"

I have fingerprint shaped bruises again and I still haven't let anyone touch me

Wrong!

style moment: flesh-tone surgical compression socks with birks

cried on my drive home because I remembered darlene's poem from that one episode of roseanne.......................wassup

i hope two people on this megabus hit it off and have their first date at the designated megabus rest stop

Carmen the frog

love when dudes that look like a propped up mummy predict that things will happen “in our time”

Austin the frog

I am going to kiss you and take your resources

just saw the words "universal truths" and closed the tab so hard my laptop fell off my bed

3 second scene from my life: my significant other requests that I touch a sleeping piglet's foot "like I'm going to prom with her"

when meat goes bad it grows mold, but a long time ago some meat went bad and grew feelings instead and that's where humans came from

zach braff is 42 years old. what if i told you i was high right now