you might think to yourself “there’s no such thing as a fifteen year old baby” and to that I say: explain this

sext: I look at you naked and wish bitterly that I was corporeal. you astral project and we get mad nasty up in each other's spirits

I have to find a new job because my current one pays me less than minimum wage and my coworkers make me uncomfortable haha

of course feelings influenced by hormones are valid. all feelings are invented by body gunk u goofus

me: i guess the nights he wasn’t yelling and screaming were the scariest because you never knew what kind of mood he could be in the catlike alien i escaped space prison with: meowzers

"um, back in my day we'd retreat to a solitary French cave for a month and allow literature to grow on us like fancy cheese mold...bitch"

ᴡᴏᴍᴇɴ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴡɪᴠᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀs ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʏᴏᴜɴɢ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ɢɪᴠᴇɴ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴅᴏʟʟs. ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴛ 22.

FUCK EM ALL - dashare.zone ADMIN

I've only had one idea in the past two days and it was "there should be a type of candy called 'Precious Boy'"

Donna the frog

ideal weather: cold enough to solidify dog poops but warm enough that I do not instantly get dead upon opening the door

only mention of bernie sanders is a tarot card reader explaining his relationship to the princess of swords card. noice

Tag Yourself .

I have gray hairs and acne, bodies are a scam, born to die, world is a fuck, etc.

can my doctor diagnose me with an anxiety disorder via reading a poem I email him? can he email me pills

just discovered an angry unsent email in my drafts folder that says "swallow a beautiful piece of sea glass you fucker"

BREAKING: Tiger Mauls Paul Ryan, Claims Parental Rights To His Series Of Pained Screams

when she was little my sister had an alter ego named Thing that I accidentally killed while we were playing airplane

someone gave me a set of specifically Poetry themed magnetic poetry and before i opened it i knew that there would be one that said "throb"

(it is going to take me a while to go through all these mentions by the way so don't fret if I haven't seen yours yet)

has anyone ever shrugged so hard they died

god I love when episodes of tv shows are set in a fake ass version of st. louis

Ian the frog

I don't understand why people like good stuff better than bad stuff. bad stuff rules

it's finally warm enough to get trolled by ducks at the park again, god bless america

when i was growing up this is the only angine de poitrine we had

33 minutes

muting myself

he’s playing wonderwall

when she was little my sister had an alter ego named Thing that I accidentally killed while we were playing airplane

guys there's a link to my tumblr in the corrections to an article on the atlantic, I am famous as hell

I wasn't joking the other day when I said I had magical powers

when they find out that the words we use are delicious and gather right under our skin the poets will be the first slaughtered

This is more inspirational than anything I've ever seen on Instagram

thinking about the time I saw a plaster model of someone’s teeth for sale on ebay that was described as “not haunted…yet”

wikipedia'd kanye west to see if we have the same initials. I feel like I do this monthly

every time mongkol favs your selfie an angel gets its copy of speed (1994)

i know a man in a dog costume when i see it

the 90s went downhill after some idiot cut open the womb I was living in and put me in the world instead

any squids

the secret to immortality is pressing B every time you have a birthday

Leslie the frog

I scheduled an appt to remove heavy junk from my apartment and now they're up in my email making load puns and calling me by my full name

time for my yearly tradition of never pronouncing the n in halloween and seeing how long it takes people to get mad

i’m in the backrooms that make you old

Talk To A Drunk Ghost

I've been asleep for about 60% of this year so far...damn...can I keep this up

would love to cyberbully ross geller

sorry to all on the east coast who stayed up for that