The Twilight Zone:

Donald Trump is dead. We need you to Weekend at Bernies him so everyone thinks he's alive. *using Trump as a puppet* "The top 1% control 99% of the wealth. I believe that we can bring affordable healthcare..." NOOOOOOO not *THAT* Bernie!

When Eric and Don Jr. start bragging about a beautiful farm upstate, we'll know It Happened

These stupid fucking billionaires trying to ruin the planet. Even at least Mr. Krabs knew that NO WORLD MEANS NO MONEY.

Rebecca Black is funny as hell. Pop girlies are back on top!!!

daily reminder to not sleep on miss rebecca black especially not when shes releasing bangers like this

Opinion | "Whether it's Donald Trump tearing down the East Wing or Kamala Harris putting Doug Emhoff in the East Wing, here's why both sides would have ruined the East Wing's legacy as being a space for Women's History"

Rebecca Black has some bangers.

What was he doing? Reading ancient Sumerian law tablets to find precedence to overturn Loving?

Holy shit, the title. www.nytimes.com/2026/04/03/u... Looks like you're up @nytpitchbot.bsky.social

Let me tell you something though, if It Happens today, those people are going to be fucking insufferable this weekend. ..at least until we can mock them even more on Monday

President Soup-For-Brains really had to go and ruin my Jasmine Crockett skeet from last year bsky.app/profile/n3rd...

Rebecca my queen

Dammit, he's still alive

The Artemis II astronauts have to fight the urge to get up there and be like AAAAAHHHH THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM! AAAAA <wrinkles candy wrapper in front of microphone, and cuts radio>

I am now going to guzzle enough water to fill 4,276 Olympic sized swimming pools. THE WORD STRAWBERRY HAS TWO Rs IN IT GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG

Donald Trump has the chance to do the funniest thing ever tomorrow

Imagine if It Happens tomorrow, and no one believes it at first

My new music is heavier, harder, faster and louder than anything I’ve made before https://www.europesays.com/uk/862117/ Rebecca Black has opened up about some upcoming new music, saying it is “heavier, harder, faster and louder…

Browsers connecting to a website with a cert that expired a few hours ago: CERT SLIGHTLY ASKEW!! IF YOU CONNECT TO THIS WEBSITE, THERE IS A 95% CHANCE THAT YOUR COMPUTER WILL EXPLODE! ARE YOU SURE!?!!?! Browsers connecting to a site with http only: Here's the site btw, there's no https on this site

"Oh my holy Worm Jesus! It's the Early Bird! I gotta hide!" - RFK Jr hearing the morning chirping

"Now that the markets are closed, I am going to press the 'Make America Go Asplodey' button on Monday. nobody is going to press the Make America Go Asplodey button on Monday more bigly yugelier than me. Believe me folks" - Trump (probabaly) #MarketManipulation

It's all fun and games for these kids until the Nuremburg trials... ...or until the Truancy Officer finally finds them

Go Rebecca!

Hairy Porker and the Half-Assed Prince

I was rooting for Crockett, but is Talarico really the next _Fetterman_? He's mid compared to Crockett, maybe I don't know much about him, but I don't see him become almost a Republican. Now Planter on the other hand seems to have way more red flags. Yeah, I'm kind of worried about that

THEY WERE PLAYING TRUST BY REBECCA BLACK AT PLANET FITNESS!

Does New York have a basis to sue TotalEnergies for folding, or sue the federal government for trying to get them to fold?

Your Cherokee words for today. The top word is English followed by how it is written in the Cherokee language followed by how it is spelled in English then how to pronounce it phonetically. "dee-daw-lah-kee guh-nah-gah-lah-see nah-duh-gah ah-skah-nuh-zhuh" Long, long ago. There was a time when

You'll hear me blasting the Lombardi Trophy Processional at full volume.

Suspect Waits Patiently While Cop Sounds Out Miranda Rights

Weren't these the people that were prattling off last year on how empathy is a "sin"?

Oh. Stage an assassination attempt, you say? Interesting.

It’s weird didn’t Donald Trump claim Robert Mueller exonerated him? What a horrible thing to say about someone who supposedly proved your innocence. He can’t keep his lies straight.

Whether it's Donald Trump not shitting his pants during the 2017 SOTU address, or Zohran Mamdani not picking Karl Marx, and the guy that wrote The Internationale as his favorite rapper, there has been a lot of pivoting to the center on both sides

"Ahhhhh! You're going to hit the curb!" - Un (probably)

" 👐 [Elon] knows those computers better than anybody. 🙌 All those computers. 🫸🫷Those vote-counting computers 🫸🪗🫷, 👌 and we ended up winning Pennsylvania like in a landslide. 🫲🫱 " ...and now everything is fucked.

Did RFK Jr. let John Fetterman borrow his worm?

I mean, how else is Jesus going to tell The Stork who to deliver the baby to, after he poofs it into existence? Think about it libs. /s

Ook, Thag want know if Ook find mammoth today. Yes Thag. Ook find mammoth. Mammoth right there. See mammoth? No? Why Thag ask Ook question Thag know? Why Thag not help Ook?

whenever a sentence ends on a explanation mark, where the last "word" is a number, like "Oh wow, did you know that the number of cows that farm has is 65!" I really always hope to see "wow 8.247650592082470666723e+90 cows?!" I am a child it seems

Load all the oil in a rocketship, and then land it somewhere else, obviously.

Europeans when asked to help unblock the strait of Hormuz:

So It didn't Happen on the Ides Of March. We can't have anything it seems

Simmmbaaaaaa, there were 12 *billion* antelope at *my* inauguration. Believe me! The Lyin' King! In theaters now!

Starting to to question my membership in the Kickers Are People Too Coalition...

"It looks like you are trying to cure the clap. Did you try to delete System32?"