39 years of corrective lenses and I STILL HATE THE EYE PUFF.

Gonna need some input on frames.

America’s Next Top Wanker

Eye exam done. Sigh.

Babe, they’ve already done that: youtu.be/RfTcXprD7R0?...

Presbyopia Sounds like a Protestant drag queen.

Court says death is OK. Gotcha.

Not right now, thanks.

Whitney’s cover of “I’m Every Woman” was on at Publix so of course I had to shout out “Chaka Khan!” at the right moment.

Not once-ONCE-have I ever been able to reply

They’re gonna make the U.N. give like 16 bajillion dollars to some organization for the escalator incident.

Can I hip check just ONE electric scooter user with my truck? Please?

Happy Schnauzer Day youtu.be/KKGOfrEW8Jo?...

LIKE NEVER BEFORE DRINK

My god I was playing MarioKart in college all wrong.

The man would sue Cole Haan if the heel fell off his shoe.

Which Oregon Trail wagon best sums up how your Thursday is going?

When all eight meds I’m taking warn “may cause nausea” I can’t beat those odds. Please stop spinning.

@roazul.bsky.social it’s not really travel-sized but if you REALLY want to go all-out.

Anyway, here is a full minute of Meghan McCain saying “my father.”

Spice level three. Mah tonk ith buhning

An acoustic album by the band led by Bowser: Raw Sha Na Na Oy. That was bad. Happy new year, y’all.

They never should have put Kimmel back on the air. apple.news/AmBymIVk_RqG...

Good morning!

You lock your letters in a box and you've hidden the key I go one better - I'm indebted to a contact magazine What a beautiful wedding What a beautiful wedding", says a bridesmaid to a waiter "And, yes, but what a shame What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore" One is subtle. One is sloppy

@elmercc.bsky.social YES. I miss the Clown Shoe. www.autoblog.com/features/wou...

Waiter: Pepsi Ok Me:

The one that started MTV youtu.be/W8r-tXRLazs?...

MUTHER SLIPPED US A MICKEY! youtu.be/LtoHggzTvec?...

Low- flow shower heads, dishwashers, toilets are un-American. Low-flow California is bad. But we need low-flow babies.

Well, they haven’t outlawed Pirin tablets yet, thank god.

SIX HUNDRED AND ONE! ONE DOLLAR!

Happy Autumnal Equinox!

Technologically advance a band Chewy dot com Boys

Do I even bother turning on the news this morning?

He shouldn’t have been killed. That’s it. The only thing I agree on. Defending him? You’re getting a block.

So unifying

What’s that thumping sound coming from Ebenezer Church?

I’m confused. variety.com/2025/tv/news...

@darthbluesky.bsky.social Rusty has a new defense: “if I’m out of view, no crime did I do”

NOW a lobster?

No.

Emptying out the snack money coffee mug.

This years Coca-Cola Christmas truck seems a bit…off.

Uh oh. Someone check on Miss Coco Peru.

Why?

Joe Manchin? Y’all bringing on Kyrsten Sinema next. And NOW you’re asking the WTF questions AFTER the interview?