Whistleby Brisket
@whistlebybrisket.bsky.social
đ€ 200
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rabid dog lover
reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist đȘđ
3 months ago
A lot of things are happening right now. Clearly, letting things happen was a mistake. We need to ban happening, or things. Possibly both.
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Lincoln The Description
8 months ago
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what kind of poet mechanic came up with âserpentine beltâ
8 months ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
lukelukeluke
10 months ago
When you take your dog to an obedience class establish dominance by going up to the oldest dog there and teaching it a new trick
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i know a douchebag is a real thing but i hope a scumbag isn't
11 months ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
a lotta cats get stressed on NYE because if you don't lock lips with a fine a piece of tail you're a turkey
almost 2 years ago
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seems like every version of Silent Night is sung with a little more emotion than the last, and we can't do this forever guys
12 months ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
Jack Frost nipping out his clothes
about 2 years ago
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On your first day in prison, find the biggest guy and punch him in the mouth. He's used to it. Might have to wait in line if there are a lot of new arrivals that day.
12 months ago
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did the dogs that barked jingle bells bark any other songs, or was this a one hit wonder situation
12 months ago
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the dogs who barked jingle bells were probably pretty fuckin annoying in a home invasion scenario
12 months ago
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ladies if you're struggling for an xmas gift idea for your man, you can never go wrong by writing a country song about what you'd do to a girl who tried to steal him away
about 1 year ago
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i once dated a girl with a pierced brosnan
about 1 year ago
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I have reached the ex-claymation point in my life. Never again.
about 1 year ago
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i'll remember covid as a time when we used words like "semblance" and "normalcy"
about 1 year ago
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"Penny Lane is in your ears, and in your eyes" - Paul McCartney's doctor after he was run over by a car
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
lukelukeluke
over 1 year ago
FRIEND: didnât your dad ever teach you to throw a ball ME: of course *20 years earlier* My dad: the waltz is always in fashion
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
lukelukeluke
over 1 year ago
My last words are going to be âhere comes my dead body, deal with itâ
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captain: we're going to have a temporary delay while we address a mechanical issue passengers: *LOUD COMPLAINING" captain: wow ok nvm
over 1 year ago
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bag: Tear Here! me: *tears* bag: Great, thank you for tearing there. Now if you would like to access my contents, grab some scissors.
over 1 year ago
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lean: a done ham
almost 2 years ago
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Whistleby Brisket
I wish I was still a kid so I could say the darndest things
over 2 years ago
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Whistleby Brisket
Everybody knows that Mr Duplicity from "You Oughta Know" was Dave Coulier, but did you know that Mr Play-It-Safe from "Ironic" was John Stamos? follow me for more secret cryptic links between Full House and Alanis Morissette that the Illuminati are hiding
over 2 years ago
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Whistleby Brisket
boomers got upset about WAP, but their generation had "WAP BOP A LOO BOP A LOP BAM BOOM" which stood for something much more shocking and offensive
over 2 years ago
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hoof arted
almost 2 years ago
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*phone rings* me: hi dad obviously my dad: heyy its your dad
almost 2 years ago
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i just want to say something to all my new followers
almost 2 years ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
lukelukeluke
almost 2 years ago
Itâs got to feel incredible to be a british cop and let out a huge âWOTS ALL THIS THENâ
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In the kaleidoscope of existence beauty dances in the symphony of colors, you fucking idiot.
almost 2 years ago
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there's a subtle beauty in the intimacy of knowing your coworkers poop habits
almost 2 years ago
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when are these liberal redneck hippies going to stop with their pro-gay pro-gun agenda
almost 2 years ago
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you could have been an email
almost 2 years ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
lukelukeluke
almost 2 years ago
Me, stuck in a traffic jam while going to the woods: I hope all these people arenât going to the woods
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cute name for a cat that throws up a lot: Pukles
almost 2 years ago
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a lotta cats get stressed on NYE because if you don't lock lips with a fine a piece of tail you're a turkey
almost 2 years ago
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cum for my sins baby
almost 2 years ago
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omg i'm such an idiot i thought i was joining the PENIS club
almost 2 years ago
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my dad left us when he was 7
almost 2 years ago
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can: i eat that - a goat's autobiography
almost 2 years ago
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thanks to
@lukelukeluke.bsky.social
for talking me out of skeeting "i hope DeerDash brings me something nice"
almost 2 years ago
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xmas movie idea: an elf whose real passion is making dreidels
almost 2 years ago
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When you bring a date home for the first time, put on the weiner-tucking song from Silence Of The Lambs. If they laugh, you've found the one. If they scream, COMMIT TO THE BIT.
almost 2 years ago
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My house is spic and span for the holidays. Maybe a little too span.
almost 2 years ago
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We need to recast the guy in my brain who says âyou do not need another peanut butter cupâ. This dude is not selling it at all.
almost 2 years ago
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Remember Fievel? Yeah well while you're remembering Fievel some people have to work.
almost 2 years ago
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reposted by
Whistleby Brisket
Jimmer Cork-Bottle
almost 2 years ago
This day in history. 1921. German microbiologist Julius Richard Petri died after eating some caviar from the wrong dish.
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yes please send me notifications anytime someone so much as looks at my order
almost 2 years ago
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my fav xmas song is Whose Kid Is This?
almost 2 years ago
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who called it oatmeal stout and not alcohall & oats
almost 2 years ago
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Is this some kind of sick joke? - you, enjoying one of my sickest jokes
almost 2 years ago
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