Every intermediate form between a bikini bottom and a thong is basically a stylised wedgie.

I just read the Epstein birthday book. It's dismal sexual exploitation, dressed up as NY power porn. Everyone in the book should be in prison, or at least engulfed in an avalanche of very public shame. Publish every name. Publish them now.

It's a bit mad that QAnon's mad account of the Epstein files appears more credible than the one now being offered by the President. To be honest, the latter feels more like something a third rate improv troupe might attempt.

Technically, the only animal you can kidnap is a goat.

why does "you've read your last free article" sound so threatening

Good morning

I'm excited about seeing the latest in animatronics at the White House later.

Sade: Huge Alligator Everyone: no, that's not the words Sade: Huge... Alligator Everyone: no, are you feeling ok? Sade: Huge Alligator! Huge Alligator: chomp chomp chomp chomp

Soundtrack: #HugeOrangeTraitor He can't even tell the truth about being alive or dead.

I JUST MET THESE THREE CRAZY GUYS WHO APPEARED IN MY BEDROOM, BUT FRANKLY I'VE NEVER HEARD SUCH RIDICULOUS SOCIALIST STORIES SINCE SLEEPY JOE WAS IN 'POWER', I THINK I'LL CARRY ON JUST AS I AM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER!

Everyone knows Jack Daniels Old No. 7 brand. But what came before? Old No. 6: Divorce In A Bottle Old No. 5: Punch Drunk Punch Old No. 4: It's Gonna Work This Time, I Swear Old No. 3: I'll Fight You All... I Love You, Man Old No. 2: Fire Hazard, Do Not Inhale Old No. 1: When Alchemy Goes Bad

Should Iron Man's operating system be rewritten in Rust?

The arc of history is long, and only has room for animals sitting side by side.

I had a really nice time at the Archive of Retro Computing at Kingston University, which was like my loft but with helpful labels. And machines that actually turn on. The exhibition is on until this Thursday, catch it if you can! Recommended!

China showing off its latest video feedback technology. Scaramouche!

Sam Altman firmly assures me that GPT-8ball will 100% answer all my questions.

I think AI looks fantastic. Ok, it's a bit of a shame that everything beneath the lovely shiny surface is a rat's nest of bullshit spaghetti, but it does look nice.

That startup guy pitching the AI penis cam must have seen me coming.

There are so many things about the history of Doctor Who that I would put right if I only had a...

Suggestions for new "vibe ___-ing"? I'll start: - vibe inseminating - vibe cottaging - vibe protesting - vibe hostage negotiating - vibe exorcising - vibe trepanning

Is it a monolith? futurism.com/the-byte/jam...

Cipher history is like "wrong answers only", over and over again.

Tech boosters like to use a set of terms to thwart any kind of pushback against their proposals to insert "AI" into any and every organization. Here's a dictionary of their language and what these terms mean. sonja-drimmer.squarespace.com/blog-1/2025/...

To learn a new acronym, I have to trade it against losing a little bit of my will to live.

Personally, I'm all for a Dyson sphere around Sam Altman. Or a sturdy crate, that would be fine too.

C programmers: have you ever noticed that #define should really have been called #declare, because it's a declaration rather than a definition / instantiation? #wellactuallyithinkyoullfind

Tired: neutron stars Wired: olddune stars

Mediterranean dips? Who must they think they are!

Malrhyme: when online rhyming dictionaries go bad. The worst malrhyme I can think of is Yosemite / Vegemite. Is there a worse malrhyme?

How many software engineers does it take to upgrade an IoT lightbulb? Three - one to write the worm, one to build the botnet, and one to bitch about it on Hacker News.

*sexy judge voice*: All rise

The people most at risk of being replaced by ChatGPT are useless, complacent, shallow, unskilled yes-men who divide their work hours between complimenting their equally useless, complacent, shallow, unskilled boss and covering their scaredycat asses. The GOP, I'm looking at you.

I tried water polo once, it didn't taste minty at all.

My first Combat Bogey World Championship was terrible, absolutely everyone picked on me.

The Polari Prize is pretty bona.

Who are these pussy commie tarters that Trump's now grabbing?

If they have to find bands to stand in for Kneecap at festivals where they've been cancelled those bands should be billed as Knee Replacement x

Since the World Farting Championship got unexpectedly cancelled, I've been venting all week.

Handy phrase for performance reviews: "as effective as a T-Rex trying to masturbate."

Failed ejaculation is a non-issue.

The treasurer of my S&M startup retired, so we had a whiparound.

I've been voted off the board of my AI spanking startup, which smacks of a coup.

Yeah, GPT-37 has just come out and people are already pointing out how rubbish it is, but this Sam Altman brain-in-a-jar insists that GPT-38 will fix all the problems.

I once met a Mexican palaeontologist called Tijuana Don.

Genius.

Next on Channel 5, "Pills and Thrills" takes us into the high-pressure world of regional pharmaceutical reps. This week: Colin’s resentment boils over when Mike gets alloys for his Focus plus a branded travel mug.