I was supposed to give a talk later this week, but the person hiring me just backed out. They said that upon further reflection, they can't afford me - it's just not in the budget for their event. The conversation could (should) have ended there.

As a sex & kink educator, I don't always feel I have the expertise to meet the current moment. But apparently the safety risks of hog tying people have become relevant outside the dungeon/bedroom, so here we go: Bondage comes with hidden risks, including nerve damage and positional asphyxiation.

Hey Portland, want to learn rope bondage? I’m doing a three week series this month: Rope 101, Rope 201, and a Rope Lab for practice. Starting next week, masks required!! forbiddentickets.com/events/stell...

For Spooktober I’m going to try to recommend a sleeper horror movie each day. Today’s is ‘Cam’, which is not just a terrific horror movie — not just smart about what it explains and what it doesn’t — but also has quietly smart cultural politics about sex work. Learn nothing, just jump in.

Covid is a social justice issue, especially now that governments have abandoned us in favour of “you do you” policies that leave the vulnerable by the wayside Wearing a mask is a form of resistance It protects your health & the health of your community It says you don’t view others as expendable

It’s that time of year again! Just in time for Kinktober, you can get a ton of kink and BDSM classes for one low price. One of my classes is included, along with lots of other amazing educators. Check it out: stellaharris--domsubliving.thrivecart.com/kink-bundle/

I’m teaching a free online class on Tuesday, September 9th. (RSVP Required) Come learn all about kink communication! forbiddentickets.com/events/portl...

Advice needed! I’m working with someone on a research, writing, and performance project. They just dropped our notes into ChatGPT and produced a script. I’m completely horrified and it has sucked the joy out of something I was looking forward to. I’m also conflict avoidant. What do I do?

I’m reading a rental contract for an upcoming class. Included on the list of “prohibited items & activities” is “summoning of spirits.” SUMMONING OF SPIRITS Just snuck into the list alongside things like smoking and glitter. I need to know what happened to prompt this inclusion.

Happy Summerween.

Me, every time I try to incorporate suggestions from an editor.

Just intentionally bumped into a man at the grocery store because he was blocking the whole aisle and didn’t move when he saw me coming. (Thanks to the only benefit of peri-menopause: giving absolutely zero fucks.*)

I’ve been invited to a sexy PowerPoint play party. Yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like. PowerPoint presentations followed by sex. I feel like my entire life has been leading to this moment. (Super extra bonus, it’s a Covid cautious party with everyone doing plus life testing before unmasking!)

I’m not sure that tattoos are actually cheaper than therapy, but they are better for instant gratification! (Made by Stacy Fevinger.)

I worked in animal welfare for a decade and the only animal that left me with a permanent scar is a hamster.

The “damsel in distress” has captured imaginations all the way back to early myths and legends. If you're curious about "damsel in distress" style bondage, head over to the Twisted Monk blog where @stellaharris.bsky.social‬ talks about the how and why in THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.

Excited to being back my bisexuality class this year, along with the fab @millennialsexpert.bsky.social as a co-presenter! Grab your tickets for this online class: www.sheboptheshop.com/its-not-a-ph...

Goth squirrel on my patio.

I have a deep aversion to local TV news, but now I am ON it because last year, the power company Arizona Public Service cut off electricity to my mother’s house outside of Phoenix, killing her.

Tell me the horror movie that started your love of horror

Please ignore tired pieces in publications like the Atlantic that are still trying to stigmatize mask wearing. Wearing a mask to prevent sickness from airborne viruses is a science-informed position, and it has been that way for over 100 years.

Finally made a couple of mask chains! Clearly a work in progress.

Would be cool if the satanists made wearing N95s one of their religious practices, so they could challenge mask bans in court.

Like all of my author friends, my books were part of the content stolen to train AI.

Nothing says ‘undergoing a painful procedure without anesthesia’ like being placed in the Old West themed procedure room. (Getting a new IUD)

Coming up this Thursday!

I was kicking myself about a typo in a recent Insta post. But this is my new, feel-good excuse for when it happens.

I’ve been threatening to leave Mailchimp for years, but have been daunted by the work of switching systems. As of their last update, I couldn’t find any way to opt out of AI tools, and couldn’t edit certain portions of my newsletter without it. Last straw. Just signed up for Buttondown.

💜💜💜💜💜💜

Want to learn about threesomes? I’m doing an online class with @sheboptheshop.bsky.social in two weeks! Class will be recorded if you can’t make it live, and scholarship spots are available!

I just did a BDSM 101 workshop on a local college campus. After my talk one of the youths came up and asked for my outfit details. I have never been more flattered.

I had a blast speaking at OMSI After Dark: PROMSI last Friday! Great turnout in both my talks with fantastic questions from the audience. And it was fun seeing how everyone embraced the prom theme from modern to vintage looks. Plus, who doesn’t love science?!

I’m so tired of seeing older women’s bodies and sexualities depicted as something monstrous. Especially in the horror genre which, yes, is the most political, queer, and feminist genre. Aside from being offensive, it’s just lazy storytelling.

Rescheduled due to snow: this event is now happening tomorrow, Feb 21st. So you’ve got a second change to get tickets and see my two talks!

A recent re-viewing reminded me that my favorite zombie movie is also - very nominally - a Valentine’s movie. So now is a great time to check out Pontypool if you haven’t seen it. No spoilers - but its message hits especially hard right now.

Most of my pleasure reading these days is for escapism, so I’ve been shying away from dystopian fiction. But I just finished I Who Have Never Known Men and it absolutely blew me away.

I’m working on my upcoming class about writing sex & kink and I have acquired some cursed knowledge. The most hated sentence, according to ‘science’ is: “Your moist crevice is visible through your damp, wet slacks.”

Surprisingly creepy short horror story, from my Next Door app

Looking forward to this talk tonight.

What’s a professional way to say, “The solution you are proposing is worse than the problem we are trying to solve.” ?

I’m seeing a lot of references to “vintage 90s” fashion, etc, and it makes me cringe. But I also remember, in the 90s, going to thrift shops for ‘vintage 60s’ stuff which I’m sure made the adults around me cringe. So I guess this is what it feels like to be old.

Before I go through all the trouble of migrating from Mailchimp to Buttondown - does anyone know if they’re any better or worse when it comes to sexuality topics? (Don’t want to convert and immediately get banned.)

Just got an email about Tumblr adding “communities.” Dusting off my account and taking a look. Could this be another viable alternative to Meta platforms? Sure would be nice. stellaerotica.tumblr.com

Anyone have experience consolidating their blog and newsletter content? I’d like to transition to Buttondown, and I think moving my subscribers from Mailchimp should be easy enough. But I’ve been agonizing about my substack. I haven’t posted anything for a few years, but it’s just *sitting* there.

I’ve been fretting over leaving Instagram, considering it’s been a primary way I’ve promoted my business. On Monday I posted a list of my upcoming classes. Of my 6,000+ followers there, only 456 saw it. Posted the same thing here, with only a few hundred followers, and got several reshares.

Just finished the audiobook of Sara Gran’s ‘The Book of the Most Precious Substance’ and I loved it so much I immediately ordered a physical copy. Books! Sex! Magic! What’s not to love?

I’ve got a ton of events coming up! Tickets for most are available, save the date for the rest. (Link in bio, etc.)

Maybe this is my old person take of the day, but I really struggle with podcasts where the hosts/guests talk over each other the whole time. Is this something other people enjoy?

For an upcoming class: are there any movies you’d suggest for someone to get a semi-realistic taste of kink & BDSM?