Oh to be 17 and melodramatic again

like = free him repost = he shall be Cleansed

WHY ARE YOU IN THERE

Meta has realised I’m nearly 30 and I’m now getting Instagram ads for egg freezing 🥲

Every time there’s a heatwave I feel like my whole life just becomes The Heatwave. suddenly everything is on pause and the only thing is The Heat and it is very inconvenient

I put the thermometer in the sun for 5 minutes

This is maybe the fourth or fifth day Keir Starmer has had where any other PM in recent history would have resigned and he just…waits it out. Ngl the tactic is kind of growing on me?

Errr so what do you do if you registered to vote in March and the council didn’t register you (I have been DISENFRANCHISED by newham council)

Why have gousto given us sixteen garlic cloves (we need four)

I would be FUMING if I was the second guy. Imagine, you finally beat an insane record, a sub-two hour marathon, a feat previously thought to be impossible. Sorry, someone else beat you to it by 11 seconds

Now this is my kind of news coverage

My birth year is now long enough ago to be an exhibition. Not a fan of this

Just accepted some 7 year old friend requests on Facebook. Felt I’d left them waiting long enough

Victor Orbán is possibly the worst dictator ever, 2/10

How am I meant to dress for this??? It’s April, I can’t be whipping out the sundresses for one day???

My favourite wiki is Hypothetical Hurricanes, where people just make up fake hurricanes and give them intricate stories

The Scooby Doo movie is the most expensive film in this CEX

I’m so glad our children have the same interests as us

We should bring back touching for the king’s evil (this tweet brought to you by the swollen lymph node in my neck)

Oh for heavens sake

Len watching the pigeon videos (curious, patient, hunter)

Never seen anyone put a hyphen in crack cocaine

Sadness in his eyes

The BBC News app’s live broadcast appears to just be playing Mandelson’s arrest walk on a loop

Everyday I go outside without an umbrella, knowing full well we will never have a day without rain ever again and I WILL get rained on

Gopal’s shop was broken into :(

It’s been a busy day for the US justice department huh

My TfL underground station whiteboard informs me that Gopal, the station shopkeeper, is running the London marathon (a far better use than the embarrassing all on the board stuff)

The “Doomsday Clock” is the one of the most vibes based nonsense masquerading as science things ever, sorry “Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists” but actually I think we’re at 5 minutes to midnight

New life ambition just dropped

My dad is adamant he remembers holding me during the tense Euros 1996 final except: 1. He’s suffering from the shared English delusion that England made it to the final 2. I wasn’t born for another three weeks

Why do football coaches always look so upset? You just scored, why are you still angry?

I s2g every time I go to post on Instagram they’ve changed something and I have to work out how to use the app all over again

If you stare at him and grind your teeth back he gets really offended

My school had a list of troubled students up in the staff room and I feel like maybe Wiltshire Police should have had one of these. Idk, maybe the government could have given them a heads up that a convicted soviet double agent lived in Salisbury? Just in case? Put it on the list in the staff room?

We finally eradicated the blight on society that is hearing someone’s music through their headphones and then Gen Z went and reversed all that progress by switching back to wired earphones

Looking for recommendations for a cat sitter (London-based), my cats are anxious and so am I, please tell me if you know anyone good !!

If you haven't read this book yet, it's not too late to buy a copy

Look at them paws go

i wonder how the car that killed princess diana looks in the disney pixar cars universe

I’m an outlier btw, I read fiction and it’s made me evil

I need bin recommendations. Looking for a bin that can’t be pushed over by a cat with a lid that can’t be nudged open by a curious paw or cat nose

Some weird Disneyland music going on at this inauguration

Ok today's a good day to come over here I guess

Why does the hat man never wear fun hats like a sombrero or a birthday hat? Always sinister hats

I just can’t bring myself to post here, it hurts seeing a good post get one like

Damn we’re all over here now huh

I hope Alex Jones’ new overlords, The Onion, allow him to keep his job

How do some of you have so many followers, have you been using this place this whole time BEHIND MY BACK??