Good morning. #Monday

Here's the chocolate my sister got me for my birthday.

Up till recently I drove a Honda Jazz, a great little car with wonderfully practical and versatile rear seats, a very tight turning circle and a quirky interior. The lads here kept referring to it as a Jizz so at breaking point I've sold it and bought a Kia Ceed.

Decided I needed some comfy clothes for slobbing about in. Bought the cheapest hoody and shorts on Vinted. I think we all know who the real winner is here.

Nice @actualnames.bsky.social @hippyjon.bsky.social

I'm visiting a house that was formerly a castle. It was built by William the Conqueror (some of it was anyway). I've just been complimented on my beard by a random Canadian lady. Good day all round

One for you @caughtjester.bsky.social

It was the beautiful Shirley McKenzie, my dad's secretary. In my preteen wisdom I was certain that I could be so much better for her than her husband John, a terrible man. I never plucked up the courage to tell her. Such a great loss for both of us.

As today is my &@th birthday I'm wearing my favourite shoes.

If you're a fan of minimalism this house probably isn't for you. www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

I don't half miss this idiot

I appear to have bees.🐝

Oof.

My dad found some local council letterheads and used a few to convince a workmate that his house was to be demolished to make way for the upcoming Wirral Oilfield

I'm in Belper and I'm wearing turnups

I got fed up trying to achieve my bucket list so I've compiled a list of things I can't be arsed to do. It's my fuck it list.

I heard the bloke who lives here is a right wanker.

Slightly increase a band. Bismuth Zeppelin

Let's see how fast I can make the wheel spin on this cement mixer.

When my sisters and I were young we removed the tail from our rocking horse and stuffed its arse full of crayons #repairshop.

May the 4th be with you

Couldn't believe all the shouting and commotion when I erected my maypole in town.

Who's is it then?

Which monk was always open to attack? The Vulnerable Bede

You'll only drive it underground.

My first season as Leicester manager seems to be going ok.

I've just had a lengthy discussion about a new regime for my haircare. We came up with a weekly plan and I've just ordered the products we decided on. What have YOU done this evening

This story gets better and better the further you read. 'A red kite stole my mother-in-law's sausage rolls' | Oxford Mail share.google/utAAdN0X3e3T...

I see the MAGA crew are out celebrating the great victory.

Happy Easter!

This house has a very "unique" decor.

Almost forgot my Easter profile pic.

I've become more than a little obsessed with the Cutteslowe wall. Have a look on the interwebs. Fascinating.

Who the heck relies on a trip hop trio to destroy power plants anyway?

Yes, this Google/Meta case is a great result but why is no-one doing the same about alcohol and nicotine?

3 months till I'm 10 years off the pop. I was in my 50s and had been pretty much constantly pissed for 30 odd years. It's never too late.

Either the BBC don't know the difference between peddling and pedaling or Greg has chosen a novel way of distributing his "product"

Taking county lines to a new level.

Just when you think you've heard is the biggest lie the Orange Mussolini can possibly make up he tells us Chuck Norris is dead.

Post a pic/gif of who you wanted to be as a kid

We've got a new telly for the spare room. To get to the bracket I had to move all the grandkids soft toys so I just threw them on to the bed. I noticed they all looked very uncomfortable and sad piled up so I've moved them to the beanbag and they look much happier now.

Someone's started playing the slightly out of tune piano very badly in the departure lounge. If some loathsome little kid turns up with a violin they're both going through the window.

Just ordered a cheese and ham sandwich. The bloke behind the counter asked if I wanted it hot. Mmmmm, yes please. Well it's just arrived and it's wearing a tiny red bikini.

You in another decade. The 80s!

I've been taking photos of doors in Malta and thought @caughtjester.bsky.social might like this one.

Operation Epic Furry