"My doorbell won't work because a website is broken" is not the glorious frictionless future technology promised us, is it?

Here's a picture of some pork I've just smashed into my fat face.

28 years

Just sorting through some old photos and this one of me and the lovely @bearfacedlady.bsky.social popped up

Anyone know anythihng about googllw sheets? I seem to have entirely lost my spreadsheet mantra

Some amazing Photoshop work on the first picture in this listing. www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

Ok for the rest of us though?

“Don’t worry, Dave, the ambulance will be here soon.”

There's no need to feel down🕺

I've just finished a whole bag of the king of boiled sweets, the sherbet lemon.

I can't believe it's dark already.

Weevil Kneivel

Popped into Sainsbury's earlier to get some salad and somehow got salted caramel desserts and a tub of extra thick double cream. Forgot the salad. Still, the cream will be nice on the surprise Vienetta I found in my bag when I got home.

Looks fairly nondescript to me.

I thought I had an alien busting through the skin of my arm but it was just my wart that I had nearly ripped off my arm unloading some strongboys.

Not sure AI has quite got gymnastics nailed yet

Saw these nattily dressed ghosts this afternoon.

If I wanted to ripen my fruit at home I'd buy a fucking tree

It's incredible how close the Red Arrows fly together, must take nerves of steel

Surprised by the number of Ku Klux Klan at the banquet tonight.

Peter Mandelgone.

Here's me 110' underground in a former lead mine wearing my new hat.

Just smashed this right in my fat face. 10/10

Just ate this then went through there and down there. 10/10

Well one good thing to come out of this week is I am now the world's leading fashion designer.

Any idea if Trump is likely to make any announcements in the near future?

Here are my film reviews. 1. The Ballad of Wallis Island.... Ace 2. Myth of man....Even acer. Stay tuned for more incisive content, coming soon

If you want to get ahead...

I don't know what's the most disturbing thing about the bathroom in this house. Is it the incredibly dangerous wiring or the blood? www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

We lost our lovely dog Tess last week. The grandsons decided they would make us cards to cheer us up.

Sarah's away for the night so I'm sitting on the couch eating chicken wings with my fingers and drinking Pink 7up straight out of the can.

New Fall album just dropped @palm3reldritch.bsky.social

After 13 years together this little idiot is being put to sleep today. I hope she had as good a time as we did.

Back in the old days when twitter was funny

Advertise your account with a gif.

Being around bikes recently took me back to the days I used to deliver them for a local dealer a few years ago. One time I was delivering a huge Kawasaki cruiser of some description. You know the things, look like a Harley but aren't. This one was "fully dressed"

There’s renewable energy ads and there’s mother**cking wind farm ads. This, blissfully, is the latter.

Fozzy Osbourne

Man who changed name to Fire Exit declares he is 'more famous than Elton John' www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-n...

Here's an interesting plant I saw on my afternoon stroll.

What style are you thinking of for your house sir? All of them.

Chode

South Park is getting canceled after this lmao.

I'm up that London and I'm wearing a whistle.

I see your mum's got a new job down the arcade.

I'm stuck in a maze. Send help.

Fly away home.

One and a half hours of Bluey is probably enough for one day.

Bought 4 cans of this. Absolutely minging. Tastes of moist cardboard with a faint hint of rancid whelks. -3 out of 10. Avoid.