BREAKING: Meta’s social media subsidiary, Instragam, has won the governorship of South Dakota. 💙🌊💙🌊

Platonic form of televised baseball commentary here. Hypnotic

We need to put our differences aside as a country and work on the ford f450 before it’s too late

I don’t care about anything and I vote

I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a little guy UwU

Judeochristian Cinematic Universe

Realtor Liberation Front

RHETORIC - Walks are innocent. ENDURANCE - Walks are fucking *great* cardio.

Chefs have an Abraham and Isaac relationship with the food they create

I liked Backrooms, but I still don’t think young people should be allowed to direct movies. Too much responsibility.

Fun idea: an algorithm that turns you insane

Alright invite me to your group chats and I will show you my mettle

I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a little guy UwU

Placing a portion of my agency and identity into the facets of an enormous ruby.

Each song a bird.

Before they decided Godzilla was the King of All Monsters, they were briefly considering me for the role

everyone is saying

Her: you were talking in your sleep again babe….. something about the David Sedaris dog bite army? Me: I wasn’t asleep

Working on my Summer Bod (rotting in hot sun)

R.I.P In peace Mr Bidens I would have voted for you for a second term

Schools love when the students bring in some of those pencils

Rebranding to “the breakfast bitch” until 11am

There should be an app with a button on it and when you press that button garlic bread comes to you

They’re using your shortcomings to train ai

If I was 99 1/2 feet tall, I would probably round up to 100. Probably I’d just say “I’m 100 feet tall”. Easier that way

They’re removing mancala from the a Federal Registry of Games

Raisins as big as your head Lennie

They say an elephant never forgets a face

Queso Doctrine

People don’t “soup up” their old “hotrod” these days

Got hired at McDonald’s Going to bring it down from the inside

Women love a stunning waterfront plaza

A third Dakota

I wasn’t always known as “the garlic bitch”

Referring to the sun as my colleague

At the witching hour they turn off all the lights in the Walmart and the hum of the refrigerated section is the only sound you can hear. It is perhaps the only time I have truly felt at peace.

If you’re not in Survival Mode, then you’re in Ready To Die Mode. #PsychologyFacts

I’ve been shopping at Cole’s since the day I was born

“Check your email” no

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to circle back around to touch base early next week

A little bit of blood

Adorning my body with the swag of my people

Stay away from my omelette, you son of a bitch

“These colors don’t run” was a slogan dreamt up by the big dye manufacturing industry to tie our patriotism to their indigo supply chains

Firefighterfighter

the difficulty of getting most software engineers on estrogen

In 2046 everyone will have a corporate doppelganger assigned to them at age 5 and if you don’t do a hostile takeover on it by age 16 then the corporation gets to keep your personhood.

Knuckle tattoo idea: L O V E H A T S

Lot of animals out there