it’s a great day for transphobes to eat shit

I am sick of experts cautioning that more research is needed Fuck off with that

How long does it take to drive to the store, buy a pack of cigarettes, and spend the rest of the day smoking them

Smaller your body, the less you need to take care of it

My cell has sprouted lush forests and verdant plains teeming with game

Gestating or gesticulating or whatever

Hollywood is afraid to show strong mature women playing a central role and throwing up all over the set

A big wet book

Banana ghost Banana god

Important Information About Chik-Fil-A to Follow

Emotion unlocked: sadness

They’re going to tickle me at work tomorrow

It takes giraffes a long time to throw up

There’s nothing illegal about stealing from a Big Corporation.

waluigimaxxing

Unlocking the forbidden secrets of my home’s equity

seducing a girl into constructing a vast labyrinth of flesh and chasing me through it with a knife, sexually

365 years

Men will literally tenderize meat instead of going to therapy

Flag with a lizard holding its tail saying “come and take it”

It’s never too late to Die In France

You are what you eat, and I’m a cop 🚔

I knew Ireland before it was famous.

is this anything

They’re going to tickle me at work tomorrow

please hold

Emergencies should last forever

There’s a special language that only Target employees know

Proto-human on the African planes: I hope the lion isn’t mad at me

I bet I could get my body to produce ambergris if I really tried

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely touched the surface of this beautiful and terrible world

Little Caesar’s Pizza Treat

sorry, unalived archduke ferdinand

Discovering the third best leg position for driving

Your parents are getting older

This shit is why I’m a Journalism On ATProto extremist. We need to own the distribution layer.

If you eat Kirby, you eat every creature Kirby has ever eaten

Watching out to make sure nothing kooky is coming my way

Gen Z being disinterested in alcohol means that by 2027 projections are there will be more beer koozies than beer cans. Utterly unsustainable.

spreading a rumour at my job that i heard its supposed to rain for 25 years nonstop

Darth Vader is 100% a wizard and anyone who thinks differently doesn’t understand darth vader and sure as hell doesn’t understand wizards

Inevitable bloodshed strawberries

This is neither the time nor the season, bro

You can tell you’ve really reached a secure level of friendship with someone when you both can just sit next to each other in total stillness and silence for hours breathing in small shallow breaths and staring into the distance

Go Corvids!

My favorite “Luxury Brand” is my mother

A lot of people who claim they’re in a sleeper cell are just people who were in a regular cell but stopped attending the meetings

Bernie “The Knife” Sanders

I remember when this entire website was orange groves