Hey, me and all the other posters are going to the woods, if you wanna come…?

Enterprise Grade Yellow Curry

I keep my microwaving running 24/7 and just throw stuff in when I need to

Basalt columns are the coolest! Studlagil Canyon in Iceland has some of the prettiest!

It’s time to triple your points

Scrollin’ the apps

My surgeon says I’m the best patient he’s ever had and he needs me back for one final heist

Living in the IKEA that’s secretly underneath the regular IKEA

Racists have been trying to soap-jacket cilantro for years; now they have a direct line to the White House

Jimmy kimmel is a tanky

I like it what Charlie Brown says “RATS!” and then the rats come

I would be a better engineer if they let me smoke the NIST cigarettes at my desk

400 paper towel rolls in a single sitting

More bad news from the sky sir. Our sundogs had sun puppies and one of them killed a civilian

Everything good that’s ever happened in my life was due to someone else having a untreated manic episode

Deciding to become Charlie Chaplin’s first born child

Women love uncorking vials of potent serums.

If you’re pure of heart you can follow whoever you want to their car

Stealing water from the ocean

Men love the mysterious clanging of a haunted pipe organ

The cursed copy of sonic 3 and knuckles on the usb talking directly into my ear:

speaking solely for myself here but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to distinguish lapses in mental health from healthy reactions to insanity

Moments Mori

I was born ready, and I’ll die ready.

BaaS (Blood as a Service)

Hiding something sharp inside some soft things

One too many GMs

The bag of chalk I ordered has been confirmed to just be chalk.

my hair is always touseled with twigs and berries in it

Mumbling nine oaths into the ear of a snake.

Tim Allen is not dead. He is 72. 🤔

Ask your doctor if marsupial pouch surgery is right for you

All aspirin is chewable if you aren’t a wuss about it

I wish my blood vessels had the throughput of the Mississippi River. I want ships to collide and break apart against the mighty shoals of my heart.

Put down the knife I'll carry you back to our room Where there are miles and miles of bedsheets I'll softly tuck you in I'd dig a hundred graves for you And melt endless limbs

Going to pickup Jimmy Wales because he says he needs a ride home from his job interview but when I get there he’s across the street from a bar and slurring his words pretty badly

This is a Mayan Calendar type of situation — what does Apple know about 4:59pm?

Coffee and Blood: Together At Last™️

Most reputable grocery stores and hotel chains will happily reimburse you in cash for any hot food donations you make to their buffets or continental breakfasts.

My butler has a maid he doesn’t want me to know about

I would thrive in a hospital setting, doesn’t matter why I’m there

Nice frog; big.

Vampire: Fright Night (1985) Werewolf: The Wolf Man (1941) Ghost: Rebecca (1940) Slasher: Friday the 13th, Part 3 Folk: Midsommar Big Monster: Cloverfield Zombie: Rec Comedy: Behind the Mask: Leslie Vernon Alien: The Thing (1982) Cosmic: The Lighthouse Psychological: Hereditary Anthology: Creepshow

LIGHTS OUT GUERRILLA RADIO TURN THAT SHIT UP

Dr. Pepper is a woman

if we don't start new cults now what documentaries will we even be watching in 25 years?

One too many GMs