Just ran into a stranger and we agreed it’s always best to have a little pleasant chat on a wooded walk because that way when you go missing someone remembers seeing you. “Dateline” etiquette!

The main difference between their characters is that I would view Butthead as being morally culpable for his crimes in a way I wouldn’t for Beavis. Beavis I’m almost instantly arguing down to manslaughter, Butthead is full Murder One

I don’t know much in this life but I do know it’s crystal clear that the private equity scum who bought every vet practice in every city sent forth a command to PUSH THE DENTAL. You can bring in a pet because its leg fell off and hear “you can get molar extractions on EZPay.”

Going through vacation photos. This is a lion complaining to us because he ate too much giraffe. At one point we were surrounded on all sides by these flopped over bloated felines, grunting and moaning, and this is what David Attenborough won’t show you.

This drives me Bananas Foster. Have you seen this man, Barb? He’s Archie Bunker if Edith divorced him.

I don’t find Olivia Nuzzi’s tale about failing to become Pamela Harriman and falling short of even Callista Gingrich as interesting as the nerds in her Slack pack. I do like her big Statue of Liberty meets Easter Island head though.

Are you located in the DC-Baltimore-Philadelphia-New York corridor? Have you always wanted to have your very own 11 foot long papier-mâché hammerhead shark? Now available for free! Perfect for museums, community centers, or your living room! Save this lovely creature from imminent destruction!

Buggy’s bed is being washed and he is coping as best he can by assembling his toys into a face fortress. A little tip for dealing with rough days.

With age my body may falter, but my brain is a tireless engine capable of producing endless excuses why I shouldn’t exercise today.

The fact that the mommy writing this works for Andreesen is confirmation that Marc makes potty in the conference rooms and she’s fine with it.

Weekly warning to those who need it: No. You cannot pull off the Rama Duwaji bixie.

I feel now about Dem leadership like George must have felt about Nick the Bartender at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life. Like everything might end up all right, but I saw what you did in the bad times, bitch. My eye on you for always, you soulless sellout.

As we get older we treasure the memories that are increasingly only in the possession of a vanishing few, as others leave this veil of tears. For instance, we three remaining who know the name of the park where a goose bit my brother on the dick.

It’s Earthquake Weather and there have been several little rumblers not noticed here in my house. I looked it up on the map and literally said Oh! It’s because it’s not our fault.”

Mamdani is going to implement Shania Law. It's already here in Canada. Men who feel like a woman will get free healthcare

Starting to catch on that headline writers are that neighbor who lives for drama and if that requires a slight mischaracterization or a wee supposition, hey, at least we’re all talking about it.

I typed “Made it up out of whole clout” and I’m saving it for future use, thanks Mrs. Mandel.

Woke up to a hawk flying fast past my window and the ALL THE CROWS IN CHRISTENDOM hurtled through the air after it. We barely had any crows around that I noticed and now it looks like the post-Halloween sale bin at Michael’s at my house. They are currently strategizing and I am staying put inside.

What I wish for Bill Ackman is that Neri gets the iconic Rama bixie cut and can’t pull it off and that will be the final blow.

The White House Ballroom can stay under one condition:

Roberts: "Mr. Gorsuch?" [pause] [me sitting up] Gorsuch: * JUMPS IN ON THAT ASS * yeah it's a wrap these tariffs are going down

Aaja nachle

Fancy actors publicly beefing over Method, what it is and isn’t, why it’s bullshit, why it’s misunderstood, etc., fills my heart with glee because now everyone can experience the magic of waiting at a regional audition callback, having the most contentious yet dull shop talk imaginable.

His Aloof Wife is such a George Stevens film title that it’s almost Mandela effect for me.

Oakland royalty in wallpaper.

Stadium having a sing a long to Mr. Brightside, the new Sweet Caroline, you ancient fossil.

There’s a civil war brewing between Team Color Drenching and Team Accent Wall.

What you may not know, because you don’t live in a football stadium, is that when a play is under review they play the Law & Order theme.

Kristi Noem failing an illegal alien photo op.

Normalize a piping hot ladle of trick or treat chowder.

What do you think "do the monster mash" means? Vibes? Papers? Essays?

Usha Vance struggling to look pleased with her birthday present from JD, a Caribbean fishing boat ride.

Why are the pretty ones always in jail?

Godzilla's coming either way. Repost this and he might bring snacks! 🎃🍬 Happy Halloween(Zilla)! #Halloween #Halloween2025 #TinyKaijuDoodle #art #fun #Godzilla

I call my father’s cousins Aunt or Uncle ______ and my mother’s cousins Cousin _____. Apparently some fancies call them Maister or La Comtesse or some shit when they need an advance on their trust fund. I wouldn’t know. Tan Suit Redux, they got nothing.

What happens on TikTok better stay on TikTok, particularly if you like to get way close and use your pinkie to point. I don’t care if you support hugs for puppies, pull that in real space and that pinkie is mine now.

I feel honored when my friends, who are cultured and creative beyond measure, casually reveal their absolute butt TV habits. “Oh hey, watching ‘A Killer Husband for Christmas’ on Lifetime. How’re you?” Their magnificent brains crave the sleep only crap can provide. Shhh.

MTV CRIBS I HAVE SEEN, FROM MEMORY: Redman: Dollar box! Rob Schneider: House that Sandler paid for, surprising amount of books Ashton Kutcher: relatively modest home, approvingly dubbed it “Casa de Paid-For” Shaq: inside Segway The rest: “This is where the magic happens” EXCUSE YOURSELF

St. Augustine of Suburbia: After an epic and debauched youth I have returned to being naughty by eating noodles in the living room.

One of my nieces or nephews is an impressive hacker because this was the result for “best gift for teens.”

“oh so you think the east wing being demolished is worse than-“ it’s a synecdoche, man. a visual metaphor. there’s a reason the aliens in Independence Day don’t aim a huge laser at SNAP benefits

I’m always flabbergasted when a stranger quickly takes a dislike to me. There’s no reason I should be, I am not a popular gal generally, but it’s always shocking when none of my nonsense hits.

Bedfellows getting strange.

We’re going to need a presidential security deposit going forward.

So the rule is (1) no cats on the bed only dog, UNLESS it’s just me in the bed in which case (2) all cats on the bed, (3) dog on floor in state of cold fury. This is what they have worked out themselves, I have no say here.

When you live in a stadium, find you a man who will come back in the bedroom you’re sleeping late in and close the window when the team’s morning stretch song is “Enter Night” at a zesty volume.

You know what’s great about a road trip is no news, just music playlists. Maybe a fiction review podcast that stays in its lane. I live in the moment, but I don’t have to live in ALL of the moment.

NY Times did a piece today about how it is to live near the Cal Memorial Stadium (it’s loud) but they did not consult anyone who lives immediately above the stadium (me) and I can’t believe they didn’t ask (I don’t speak to media.)

Hard times for those of us who loathed being children, who waited patiently for entry to the adult world. A few good years, then all society has decided it’s a poorly funded elementary school, with bullies and tattletales in charge and dazed drunk teachers wringing their hands in the parking lot.