"Woman seeking inexplicable pardon from President, casts him a good light" shocker. #maxwell #epstein #trump

It's sad that Terence Stamp has died but also sad that people can only remember him for being General Zod in Superman. Then I looked him up and realised I don't actually know him from anything else either.

This Temu phone holder is a product after my own heart.

He says, of the man who has repeatedly had his political opponents murdered.

Sentence of a Woman #PutWritingInASongOrMovie

I'm going to look for loose change down the back of the settee. In sofa as I might find some. #LunchPun

Wasn't that by Baltimora?

Just got a tin of coconut milk from Lidl with no ring pull. What is this, the Middle Ages?

I once went to the dentist in Boston. It was more than a filling. #LunchPun

Charli XCX really needs to appraise her use of Roman numerals.

Yes it can be eaten at anytime. There is not one clock in the world that has the time on it at which I would eat that.

Thunderstorms my arse. Had a few tiddle of rain and now it's bright blue again so hot my chicken are laying hard boiled eggs. Bring back Michel Fish.

Bloody hell, how big was the watch?

I've gone into my new job at the cake shop all buns glazing. #LunchPun

When House of Pain take part in the annual Rappers' Clothing Quiz, their specialist subject is the jumper round. #LunchPun

Waiting for the 'Heavenly Father's Day' posts to come in on Facebook.

We went out for a Mexican this evening and the waiter kept coming around asking if we were warm enough. Turned out he was checking for heaters. #LunchPun

We lost our first cricket match of the season today against the Italian Bakery XI. But to be honest, they did have a fantastic ciabatta. #LunchPun

RIP Sly Stone. I never really got all the hype about the Rocky franchise but I did enjoy Cliffhanger.

sometimes when I'm sad I go on my photos from seven years ago from a holiday to Portugal when I saw two stuffed lions who look like Neil and Christine Hamilton

Just in: It's official, you can't grate celery. More as it happens.

I was really nervous about my first solo flight. But when the wings fell off my aircraft and I landed in the sea it was just plane sailing from then on.

My dad's been a joiner for over 25 years. He's in over 2000 fan clubs. #LunchPun

I always like it when the weather is presented by the Nintendo Wii Mii man.

My mates just invented ultra strong toilet paper. I mean... Hardly a breakthrough. #LunchPun

Hats off to Race Across The World. Absolute stellar editing at the end for a massive rug pull. Felt different so I called it late on but was still very clever.

My girlfriend is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Trek. It's been a week since we Spock. #LunchPun

My cafe only sells scientific dishes. Served on a periodic table. #LunchPun

Lord Varys and King Robert Baratheon here, in an early Game of Thrones publicity shot.

When it was Charles' turn to read his story to the class he got to sit in a big chair.

In cooking news, made ramen for tea. Farting like it's going out of style now. Been sent to the garden. Ramsey, Oliver etc al never mention this.

Gary Barlow's Wine Tour... what a fucking joke. 45 minutes in and he's tried two wines, proclaimed they go nice with the landscape and is now making cocktails on the bonnet of a jeep with Jane Freeloader McDonald who needs a holiday like a cat needs a sleep. Oz Clarke would shit.

Gary Barlow's Wine Tour. So just going to see Take That then. @itvx.com

I've been asked to join the voting panel for Font of the Year. I'm a pretty good judge of character. #LunchPun

Mr Bean should be called Mr Is. When he's dead he will be Mr Bean.

My home made cigarettes are soggy and smell of cheese. But that's just the whey I roll. #LunchPun

Last week I started a celebrity massage course. Now I'm rubbing shoulders with the stars. #LunchPun

SOUL SEARCHING (𝘯.) Looking for friends in Korea. #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

#thirdle #bonusthirdle196 🏆 2 / 6 | 🔥 38 🟧🟪 🟧⬛ 🟩🟪 🟩🟩 🟩🟩 🟩🟩 2 for 2 in both games today. Still chasing that elusive 1.. thirdle.org

Jonathan Ross has started to reorganise his chocolate collection. He's up to his old Twix again. #LunchPun

"I used to be a fitter!" Cried Mario as he got stuck in a pipe #LunchPun

I once took a girl on a date to the funfair and we ended up on the coconut shy. We really hit it off. #LunchPun #ratemypun

Gok Wan is only famous because of his dad Obi.

I went to a mental arithmetic competition the other day. My first three answers were fortieth, twenty hundred and eleventeen. The other contestants did way better, I was only there to make up the numbers. #LunchPun

I wanted to get into the music industry so badly I blew the lid on the scandal of the Top 40. It's a bloody disc race! #LunchPun

The perfume factory in our town has closed down even though it was really profitable. It just doesn't make scents. #LunchPun

12 servings my arse. Look at it. That would just about fill one of the cavities in my back teeth.

Boom dog! Including an unprecedented direct hit on my first guess. squareword.org 1180: 6 guesses 🟩🟩🟨🟨🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 <6:🟩 <11:🟨 <16:🟧 16+:🟥 #squareword #squareword1180

I always thought he was the best #pope.

Only the orange buffoon can give a tribute to the Pope the gravitas it deserves. #trump #pope