Well, it finally happened. I got my liver transplant. Here are some nuggets for in case you ever need one. It sucks before. It sucks afterwards, but in a more open and expansive way. Look after your liver because it isn't worth this bullshit. And don't ever ask me for any help or advice.

The 25/26 Premier League run-in

My favourite snooker player is Whoever Is Playing Ali Carter

What do I get

Bouquet Garni up the arse and it's thyme for a wank

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

Don Bradman was a lousy cricketer, couldn't even bat

I'd like it known that my interest in and tolerance of extreme left wing politics is identical to my interest in and tolerance of extreme right wing politics, i.e. zero. So everyone just knock it off, there's a love.

Within a 6 hour period this morning I had both forgotten about Dre *and* been fooled by the rocks J.Lo had got. Unbelievable.

Breakbeat hardcore was the music of my life, its the only new thing that emerged during ny lifetime that truly blew my mind

Cor my crabs and piles

I'm listening to Don't Leave Me This Way by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes. 50 years old this year. The Communards' version is 40 years old this year. Both are fresh to death.

In de pines In de pines

I'd like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat

This year I'm going to learn how to play the Amen Break on my nutsack

Dry Jan is what I call your mum.

I've had a relentlessly awful year, but I remain unbroken and unbowed enough to wish everybody - particularly me - a happy and healthy 2026.

An absolutely wonderful, versatile, powerful and powerfully funny actor who enlivened everything he was in, and a huge loss. I'm not going to say the word, but we're all thinking it in his honor. RIP Isiah Whitlock. deadline.com/2025/12/isia...

Worthing are playing Dorking tonight, winner gets the giant metal chicken from the roundabout for their town. Plus three delicious league points.

It's time to eat ribs. Ribs o'clock.

I'm going to have one of your livers

Greatness is bestowed on some fish but not others. Sorry, ichthyophiles. But being a fish is a meritocracy.

🐢

Bert Harris doesn't live here any more

I only watch things about hounds now

Sherlock Bones

I reckon John Nettles might be a werewolf

He's turned into a wereduck

Somehow he got less hairy when he turned into a werewolf

That's not a werewolf, it's an unfair wolf

Killed every night by a pack of wild dogs

Today's posts are sponsored by corks

Back on the transplant list tomorrow. Unless you've been there it's hard to explain the combination of fevered anticipation and being bummed out that this engenders. Look after your organs, it's not worth it. And don't be born with a autoimmune disorder that slow plays you.

I feel like revealing my true personality with some spectacularly ill-judged and off-colour posts

He isn't "losing" this money. This is called "paying tax like a responsible citizen and not hiding your money offshore" and we need to start recognising and applauding it.

I've never seen an episode of Inspector Morse

Just had my first mince pie of the season, stay tuned for more updates

Iron Lion Zion Brian

Sausages

Who are the worst football team in the world?

The snow penis wishes you a good Christmas week.

Time for a Cockney knees-up on day 22 of the advent calendar. It's Chas & Dave, from 1982. unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-unexpe...

Just saw yer ma sucking off a ox

Horse butts

Nights are getting longer, soon be Wimbledon

Ogden Hogden

Charles Brown and Snopwell

Big dogs

I'm very pleased to see The Beta Band are back touring The Three EP's. There was a time in 1999 that I naively thought they would be at the vanguard of a new direction for new music. Now young people can find out what we all missed.

My final delivery has arrived and I'm suspended from the transplant list until the 27th. So you can all just fuck right off because Christmas has arrived