Redwin Bullock

if a pistachio nut shell is closed it means it's dead and you shouldn’t eat it

What is a Christmas film in your house? A traditional feature film that you watch every year, regardless of its setting, subject matter or whether or not it is set at Christmas? Mine is My Cousin Vinny.

My favourite piece of Dick Van Dyke lore is that his grandson Shane wrote, directed and starred in the inestimable Titanic 2

I'm watching the 1987 Indycar Road America 200, what of it

I have recently seen your anus

I'd just like to stress that, despite my absence from Graham Linehan's Enemies List, that I'm not anti-Trans

RANARAAHND, NAH

Instant karma just knocked me right off my feet. I can't say I wasn't warned.

@davecakes.bsky.social is in the running to be displayed on the Bexhill Footbridge Gallery with a drawing of a real life incident where a gull nicked my ice cream. The picture is on page 4 if you like it enough to vote for him 🙏💙 www.footbridgegallery.art

Clerk of the court: all rise for Judge Mutton!

Now the proud owner of two variceal bands in my oesophagus

A #Hoopoe today. #needlefelted over wire with a wax beak. I keep watching out for one #artAdventCalendar #orange #birdwatching

The Rosetta Bone helped archaeologists and historians decipher what gave King Ptolemy V Epiphanes a hard-on.

All come all ye faithful to my little shoppe 💘🎄🐦 hellohalloweeno.etsy.com

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit Join our club

I hope you're all enjoying your juicy plate of mutton #SUTSHR

wow who was he up against

Whenever I see a "celebrity" being interviewed and they reveal the reason for their fame is being an "influencer", I want to die.

I’m sad to hear of the passing of Michael Turner, at 91, one of the very greatest aviation, motorsport & #F1 artists. He was also a kind & friendly man. #RIPMichaelTurner

Sutton v Shrewsbury on TV this afternoon, get your mutton cooking if you haven't already

Bloke behind us in the queue at Aldi this morning's trolley contained a soft toy, batteries and 32 bags of self raising flour

White cum? After Labor Day?

Featuring an unimaginably high amount of dogging content for a game show about snooker

All the other FIFA Prize Winners: Literature: Richard Osman Economics: The Count off of Sesame Street Physics: Egon Spengler Chemistry: Boots Medicine: Margaret Gaviscon

Infantino is an amateur. Sepp Blatter would have made trump give him an award.

That's right, show him your hoop

I hate Biff from Back To The Future. But he's now the President of America so you can't criticise him too harshly.

Fucking taking the fucking peace prize…

Got a camel Christmas tree decoration

You can't use a nork as a ruler, just stop it

MSG being bad for your health is not just a crock of shit, it's a lie with racially-motivated overtones. I recommend everyone add MSG to anything proudly stating that it contains no MSG.

Gingerly eating a bag of Hula Hoops and noticed the “no msg ✔️” on the packet. So I just went and added some MSG and shook the bag and they taste infinitely better. I recommend this to all foods that brag they’re MSG free

I tell you what racing driver from the past few decades doesn't get the respect they deserve in European circles: Michael Andretti.

It has been suggested that my novel, "Ten Draculas", owes much by way of inspiration to the Irish writer Bram Stoker and his earlier 1897 novel "Dracula". A deeply stupid claim. Mine has nine more Draculas.

Twelveskin

Top 5 illnesses I've had this year 5. The non-specific abdominal infection that hospitalised me in April 4. The urine infection that caused me to develop symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy 3. C. Diff, a truly, genuinely horrific disease and hospitalised me in May 2. Epididymitis. Look it up.

The circuit I wish IndyCar still raced on is the Michigan International superspeedway. That was a circuit for real gladiators, not these namby-pamby scalextric shithouses single seater cars race on nowadays

My Spotify "listening age" was 75, which I think is unnecessarily harsh.

I've been watching Unforgotten on Netflix. In season 2, episode 1, all of a sudden BLAM: my old house, my dad's old church and my primary school all in a single scene. How about those juicy onions?

Never let it be said that I don't suffer for my art. Day three of the Unexpected Delirium advent calendar features the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special. unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-unexpe...

Remember in the old days, when you'd go to your friend's 18th birthday and they had a really unsettlingly weird drunk uncle? Now that's a Christmas advert character.

The BFG is a nonce

What shall I get for my dad this Christmas? Bear in mind he is 72 years old and was never active on the house or rave scenes

Time to wheel out our podcast from five years ago every day until Christmas Eve. We almost ourselves up the wall doing these, so best I get some value out of them. Join @dotmund.bsky.social and I from five years ago for This Is Our Christmas Everest. unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-unexpe...

Straight outta onions Crazy motheronion called onion cube From the gang called onions with attitude

Incredibly makes no mention of mutton at all

I've come to the realisation that the progenitor of the internet was the Argos catalogue and Ceefax. No-one can tell me that wasn't ultimately better, either.

Well done me! #TwinMade #EOTM #employeeOfTheMonth #Cardiff