applying for jobs again

I have decided: I don't need to know that the shipping label was created. Keep me in the dark on that. Come back to me when something real is happening

Had the pleasure of meeting Dick Cheney at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny

No, it’s not like any other love / This one is different because it sucks

A second Will Klein Christmas pajama photo has entered the timeline. My mvp

All time life moment of trying to remember Gogol’s Dead Souls and coming up with Bobo’s Dead Sea Scrolls

I can’t believe Joe Pera’s tulpa is the current jeopardy champion

Watching first episode of Task: My wife was so impressed that I knew the answer to the trivia question on the plastic Phillies cup before Mark Ruffalo said it, she had to pause the show

Woke up from a dream where I was in a restaurant and a line cook was roughly making a cheeseburger on top of my head while I tried to sing this song:

Ooh we ooh I look just like Burger holly Oh oh and you’re mayonnaise tyler Moore

RFK Jr looks and sounds like the Men In Black alien wearing an Edgarsuit

Having to block a dumbass who doesn’t know geography on bluesky, is it the freakin weekend yet

hospital shrimp

True: @zohranmamdani lives in 1 unit of rent-stabilized housing. Also true: Andrew Cuomo oversaw the loss of 96,064 units of rent-stabilized housing. And killed NYC’s program helping people move out of shelter. Leaders must show moral clarity. Andrew, time to move out. 🧵 x.com/andrewcuomo/...

Matt strahm really looks like if Blake snell was in duck dynasty

Really thought I had a chance to go 30 for 30 on pro mode Daily Walkoff ⚾ #324 30 for 30 Swings: 31 🚀1️⃣: AZ, ATL, BAL, BOS, CHC, CIN, CLE, COL, DET, HOU, KC, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIL, MIN, NYM, NYY, OAK, PHI, PIT, SD, SF, SEA, STL, TB, TEX, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: CWS dailywalkoff.com

My son’s name is also Dort

Definitely my best showing on pro mode: Daily Walkoff ⚾ #295 30 for 30 Swings: 36 🚀1️⃣: AZ, BAL, BOS, CWS, CIN, COL, DET, HOU, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIN, NYM, NYY, PHI, PIT, SD, SF, SEA, STL, TB, TEX, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: ATL, CHC, CLE, KC, MIL, OAK dailywalkoff.com

WiFi on the plane to keep my streak alive: Daily Walkoff ⚾ #260 30 for 30 Swings: 47 🚀1️⃣: BAL, BOS, CIN, HOU, LAD, MIA, MIL, NYY, OAK, PHI, PIT, SD, SF, STL, TEX, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: AZ, CHC, CWS, COL, KC, LAA, MIN, SEA, TB 🚀3️⃣: ATL, CLE, DET, NYM dailywalkoff.com

This is how I learned about the “Vedder Cup” Daily Walkoff ⚾ #259 30 for 30 Swings: 52 🚀1️⃣: BAL, CWS, CIN, CLE, DET, LAA, LAD, MIN, NYM, NYY, OAK, PHI, SF, STL, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: ATL, BOS, COL, HOU, MIA, SEA, TEX 🚀3️⃣: AZ, CHC, MIL, PIT, SD, TB 🚀4️⃣: KC dailywalkoff.com

Early morning stroll Daily Walkoff ⚾ #250 30 for 30 Swings: 46 🚀1️⃣: ATL, BAL, CHC, CWS, CIN, DET, HOU, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIL, MIN, NYM, NYY, OAK, PIT, SF, SEA, STL, TEX, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: CLE, PHI, SD, TB 🚀3️⃣: BOS, KC 🚀5️⃣: AZ, COL dailywalkoff.com

Haase hive wake up Daily Walkoff ⚾ #241 30 for 30 Swings: 70 🚀1️⃣: CWS, CIN, KC, NYM, SD, SEA, TEX 🚀2️⃣: AZ, ATL, CHC, CLE, COL, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIN, NYY, PHI, SF, TOR 🚀3️⃣: BAL, PIT, STL 🚀4️⃣: BOS, DET, HOU, MIL, OAK, TB, WSH dailywalkoff.com

Pro mode Sunday Daily Walkoff ⚾ #240 30 for 30 Swings: 73 🚀1️⃣: BOS, CHC, COL, HOU, KC, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIL, NYM, OAK, SD, SF, WSH 🚀2️⃣: CIN, CLE, PIT, TEX 🚀3️⃣: CWS, NYY, SEA, TB 🚀4️⃣: DET, MIN, STL, TOR 🚀5️⃣: AZ, BAL, PHI 🚀6️⃣+: ATL dailywalkoff.com

Is grey Zapel sponsored by settlers of catan?

Daily Walkoff ⚾ #236 30 for 30 Swings: 104 🚀1️⃣: CLE, DET, PHI, SF, TB 🚀2️⃣: ATL, HOU, KC, LAD, MIA, MIL, MIN, NYM, OAK, SD, SEA, TEX 🚀3️⃣: CIN 🚀4️⃣: CHC, CWS 🚀5️⃣: BAL, BOS, NYY, PIT, STL, TOR 🚀6️⃣+: AZ, COL, LAA, WSH dailywalkoff.com

Let’s turn two before my wife wakes up: Daily Walkoff ⚾ #232 30 for 30 Swings: 65 🚀1️⃣: ATL, CIN, LAD, MIL, NYY, SF, SEA, TEX, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: CHC, CWS, CLE, COL, DET, HOU, KC, LAA, MIA, PIT, TB 🚀3️⃣: AZ, BAL, BOS, NYM, SD, STL 🚀4️⃣: MIN, PHI 🚀6️⃣+: OAK dailywalkoff.com

Went for a nice walk this morning Daily Walkoff ⚾ #229 30 for 30 Swings: 87 🚀1️⃣: BOS, CHC, CLE, LAD, MIN, NYY, SEA, STL, TEX 🚀2️⃣: AZ, CWS, DET, MIL, TOR 🚀3️⃣: HOU, KC, NYM, PHI, PIT, TB 🚀4️⃣: BAL, CIN, COL, SD, WSH 🚀5️⃣: LAA, MIA, OAK, SF 🚀6️⃣+: ATL dailywalkoff.com

Can anyone recommend a good book on the history of the Pirates? Daily Walkoff ⚾ #197 30 for 30 Swings: 54 🚀1️⃣: BAL, CHC, CWS, DET, LAD, MIA, NYM, NYY, OAK, SD, SF, SEA, TEX 🚀2️⃣: AZ, BOS, CIN, CLE, COL, HOU, LAA, MIN, STL, TOR, WSH 🚀3️⃣: ATL, KC, MIL, PHI, TB 🚀4️⃣: PIT dailywalkoff.com

Warwick Saupold, I wasn’t familiar with your game: Daily Walkoff ⚾ #195 30 for 30 Swings: 74 🚀1️⃣: BOS, CHC, LAA, LAD, MIN, NYM, SD, SEA, TOR 🚀2️⃣: BAL, CWS, CIN, COL, HOU, MIL, PHI 🚀3️⃣: CLE, KC, MIA, NYY, PIT, STL, WSH 🚀4️⃣: AZ, DET, OAK, TB, TEX 🚀5️⃣: ATL, SF dailywalkoff.com

My mind simply could not comprehend when or where Pat Burrell played baseball Daily Walkoff ⚾ #189 30 for 30 Swings: 53 🚀1️⃣: ATL, COL, HOU, LAA, LAD, MIA, MIL, MIN, NYM, NYY, OAK, SF, SEA, STL, TB, TOR, WSH 🚀2️⃣: AZ, BOS, CHC, CWS, CIN, CLE, KC, TEX 🚀3️⃣: BAL, DET, PIT, SD 🚀6️⃣+: PHI dailywalkoff.com

Once again felled by the pirates of Pittsburgh Daily Walkoff ⚾ #186 30 for 30 Swings: 79 🚀1️⃣: DET, HOU, LAD, NYY, OAK, WSH 🚀2️⃣: ATL, CWS, CLE, LAA, MIA, MIL, MIN, NYM, PHI, SEA, TB, TOR 🚀3️⃣: AZ, BOS, CHC, CIN, SD, SF 🚀4️⃣: COL, KC 🚀5️⃣: BAL, STL 🚀6️⃣+: TEX 🚀6️⃣+: PIT dailywalkoff.com

7 hours of red zone football just doesn’t have the same ring to it

At this point I would swear to become an exclusive customer of any clothing company that promises to never email me

my husband woke up from a dream this morning where he was in Lord of the Rings, and he was “unstoppable” because he had a gun

New MyChart message: According to our records – your Primary Care Physician has not seen you in over a year! Dr. Pussy 𝓷𝓮é Vagina has advised that they would like you to schedule your Annual Wellness Exam with them or one of their colleagues.

I’ve really been pronouncing Cooper Dejean’s last name as “Dijon” incorrectly this whole time

Demanding an investigation into the epidemic of QBs wearing #18 in the NFL, after not seeing any once Peyton manning retired; Caleb Williams, Kirk cousins, and now Spencer rattler

Just ate a walnut for the first time. Tastes like they used tree bark to make packing peanuts

I’m glad I studied Latin for years so I could explain to be fiancé that “totes magotes” would only be spelled “totēs magotēs” if it were a 3rd declension otherwise it could be “totī magotī” in the 2nd or “totae magotae” in the 1st

Rhys Hoskins cannot go 1 game without being a little crybaby

Bring me the head of d*n *lt*vill* on a stick

@davidjroth.bsky.social sitting on a rooftop in Hanoi, seeing a Baltimore orioles shirsey walk past and then realizing it’s for George Sherrill. Any chance I could get your rating?

They need to invent a risotto that is like 85% easier to make

Little Bo beep

Was waiting for someone to finally say this

Telling my fiancée that I’m part of the avuncular avant gaarde

My fiancée is hating the way I handle a plum with such aplomb

Getting kicked out of the barcade for playing full court press at the connect 4 hoops game

RIP Sweetpea, the beloved puppy who captured our hearts during the Puppy Bowl. Your journey to finding peace and embracing Islam touched us all. May you rest in Allah’s eternal love and happiness 🐾 #Sweetpea #PuppyBowl #RestInPeace