a bird pooped on my car at night. I don’t think they can do that

says here you did 20 years for man’s laughter

I was frasier s4 ep18 for Halloween

Saw a play tonight and the moment the house lights went up at the end, the person next to me said out loud “I really enjoyed that play.” I wonder if this dude’s entire life has happened perfectly in order

first but not the last time I hope to be sandwiched between Levar Burton and D’arcy Carden

I wish AI was a person so I could kill it with a sword

hi everyone on blue sky please watch this show Strip Law. my friends and I made it and I think it is good. love Julie age 9

Congratulations to Cullen on his ten MacBook pros!!!

Just put a significant amount of toothpaste back in the tube. is there someone I should call about this

ZOHRAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN

waymos getting wrecked in DTLA lmfao

just discovered a clothing brand that escaped total disaster by mere inches

QUICK HIRE A FULL WRITERS ROOM FOR WHITE LOTUS WHILE HE’S GONE

attempting to order lava lamp goo at every restaurant in las angeles

pulling up to a bar with that “just cleaned my fridge” energy. it’s all I can do to keep everyone’s hands off me. eyes buggin, tongues out. yeah I did the freezer too, buddy. at ease

my stomach felt weird today which is weird because all I really had was a turkey sandwich. And also some eggs that I drove all the way back from Palm Springs in a hot car. i bet it was the cup of water I drank at lunch

hey everyone I had taco bell coffee today. goodbye* *historical note: “goodbye” may have dual meanings in this text, both as a traditional conversational conclusion and in the “end of life” context (ie - “life’s final goodbye”)

just experienced a betrayal on par with that of Julius Caesar (longtime friend and ally the Banana gave me the energy to think about Cybertrucks)

I wish AI was a person so I could kill it with a sword

society began to crumble when songs stopped telling us to “light it up”

grateful to that earthquake for revealing that I lean towards neither fight NOR flight but rather a third option called “slowly widen my eyes”

carrying a banner onstage that just says CHALLENGERS in the middle of the Oscars like an environmental protestor at a play in New York

got to do a very fun poster for what will be a fantastic show. don’t make Hayes tell you again

About to become a 2025 pandora head at levels the year 2010 could only dream of

just did one of the most awesome things you can do on a rainy day (found my umbrella)

saw someone with a shirt that said “wolf guard” and I thought to myself “now that’s something worthy of being”

cool to see fire department at Grammys. now put incarcerated firefighters on stage !

like two minutes into Grammys and Trevor Noah already made several vaguely pro AI jokes …..kill me ! Kill me to death!!!!!!!

pulled out a reference to “golgi bodies” in conversation the other day. absolutely killed, felt amazing. there’s still such a massive fanbase for eighth grade biology out there

smiled at a dude walking down the street wearing essentially the exact same outfit as me and he did not smile back. WHAT’S THE POINT OF ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

just got teary eyed about the miracle of conversation

when will unemployed writers be free of Pocket FM

I realized the world was bad today when challengers did not got nominated for best original score. before that there were no other signs

HELLO! The devastation in Los Angeles is so great. There are more places I would like to donate than I am able, too many people starting from scratch. Thought I could put stress doodling to use. Venmo ANY AMOUNT to JulieRGreiner with a post-it doodle request. Will donate all $$$ and post receipts

it is the first day of a brand new year and I hate AI so much

all I have ever felt in my heart for the Funko Pop Store on Hollywood Avenue is Hate. But today I saw two employees of the Funko Pop Store on Hollywood Avenue walk out hand in hand. in that moment I had to accept that even Funko Pop Store on Hollywood Avenue can breed love

Any time something bad happens to AI I feel a warmth bloom in my chest that is not comparable to any human experience but I think might be similar to what a pokemon feels when they evolve via Sun Stone

everywhere I turn in my parents’ house, there are pens. small pens, tall pens, thin pens, wide pens. not one of them works

accidentally bought a car instead of moving to new york. damnit

fuck yeah. finally got it down so that I leave my hometown mall RIGHT before I started to feel the tug of memories both distantly painful and painfully distant

DON’T EVER DOUBT MY VISION!!!! EVER!!!!

wow. i know everyone has been calling it that for years but it will feel so good to finally, legally declare my bedroom “party city”

no matter how much you read about it, talk through it with others, and try to prepare yourself for the possibility, you will never really know how it feels to recognize multiple contestants in newly released cast photos of Mr Beast’s “Beast Games” until it happens to you.

they are going to need to install a sort of chute or pneumatic tube in Luigi’s prison cell for all of the panties to be sent directly. he will lead the innovation of new technologies

can’t even be excited about hot assassin because so many people on twitter are using it as an excuse to make dumbass fucking AI art of luigi with a gun

Bluesky should be the kind of place where you can say how many deviled eggs you’ve had in a day. Three

I see the fun of Spotify Wrapped, but listening to music on Napster keeps me present in that songs and entire albums occasionally disappear at random

got emotional during the ballroom scene in Wicked because it reminded me of how everyone turned to look at me when I was driving through Glendale with no catalytic converter

someone came up to me on the street and said “you look like you love musical improv” and though it was not it felt like a Jewish slur