Every time I see someone under 5 on a scooter i reflect how unsettling it is for children to glide

I’m visiting a friend at the moment and she asked if I’d like to go to a parade on Sunday morning. She then tentatively mentioned that it started at 8.30am & I let out such a spontaneous & unguarded peal of laughter that we all ended up giggling

@philgibson01.bsky.social PHIL

I like to think this dog is practicing gratitude.

A potato skin filled with magma?

First outdoor ice cream of the year yesterday. It was an Oyster and this was the setting

So there are two new Reform MSPs in my region. Hope they like emails!!!!!!!!!

Imagine being the sort of degenerate who doesn’t clean out the grate & also does not leave one match in the box, what’s wrong with you (also you’re no match for my ingenuity, I used the toaster & didn’t even die)

Reached my exact limit of Bob Dylan songs in a row there (five and a half)

Pay me no heed, I am but a simple maid, however how can it be both this warm and mild and somehow freezing at the same time

Belfast City Airport [daytime, interior]. Lad goes into accessible toilet. Lad beckons to girl. Girl shakes her head. Lad beckons again. Girl shakes her head again. Ladies and gentlemen, a romance movie for our times

Dear goodness either I do not notice the level of smut and areolas and erect penises on the TV from moment to moment or they literally KNOW when I’m in a room with my parents I’ve literally had ten minutes of aubergine emojis and the word “flaccid”

Just seen my first lad with his top off of the year. Please update your spreadsheets accordingly

Was in a bit of a hurry packing for my four days away and that’s the only reason I can give for why I packed eight (8) t-shirts

Pretty convinced the first person to make a smooth, navigable, user friendly app that just does voice notes & that everyone is happy to download will make a small fortune

The sun has decided to take vengeance on Glasgow for some reason, idk, it’s blasting 100,000 lux into my retinas

Saw some good boys today. Told them so.

We’re in that phase of the year where people are going to ask me if I mind sitting outside aren’t we. And I’ll have to say yes, because I hate being buffeted by even a small wind

Plan tomorrow is to do battle with the moths. They are so small but there are a lot of them

Weirdly I have gone from “turn up five minutes before boarding closes & run through the airport” to “panic if I’m not there two hours before” for no apparent reason except ageing

Adventurous in my tastes so I had a bit of the yoghurt in a pouch that’s been in my bag since Sunday. Getting some fizzy after effects now

Imagine my surprise as I walked past a town square in Lerwick, Shetland to see N*gel F*rage. He didn’t tell anyone he was coming but the young people of Shetland were there within minutes shouting at him 👍🏼

Every time I come across Die Hard on a random channel I think, I can’t possibly watch the whole of Die Hard tonight……….. ……….OR CAN I

It’s £56 to stay in the Travelodge near the station but the problem is, the last Travelodge I stayed in felt like a Francis Bacon painting, so I’m hesitant to book

Having something in the hall made of chocolate that you can take a bite of every time you pass truly is the way to live

“Don’t store tension in your jaw” “don’t store tension in your jaw” Okay where else am I meant to store it tho

Just ate the denses foods I could find for lunch in the hope I won’t really need dinner later

I was so nice to everyone today, including strangers. What’s wrong

It is a sign of moral decrepitude to have more than one cushion on your bed. So fight me

The end of daylights savings to me is like pressing the power button for fifteen seconds til the whole thing absolutely has to just reboot

I’m desperate for chocolate I have chocolate The chocolate is Easter eggs I’m not religious But I can’t eat the Easter eggs It’s a dilemma

gone to see a mobius stripper, she's been taking her jumper off for 40 minutes

Probably the worst thing about the clocks going forward is having to rotate your entire henge 30°

Got a sample of toothpaste from my dentist and it’s truly the most terrible toothpaste I’ve ever tasted. It tastes like Refreshers and a bad approximation of strawberry

If NCP are in trouble, what hope for the rest of us

The only field trip I remember is going to the Exxon ethylene plant in Fife. Before we went I asked the teacher “is that Exxon like the Exxon Valdez?” She paused before saying “Maybe don’t ask that question when we get there”

Search your camera roll for the word ‘Hell’.

I’ve lived in my flat for three and a half years and for the whole of that time, wished i had a table for my tea beside me. Despite having a table that I could put beside me. Today I put it beside me.

HOST: And for the one million pound prize… ME: *excited, crossing fingers* HOST: In which of the seventeen canvas tote bags scattered throughout your flat is the item you need in order to leave in the next five minutes? ME: *throws mic on the floor, exits studio*

Roadworks season just comes around quicker every year doesn’t it

Sorry but if you don’t want me listening in on your train conversation, be more boring??

There’s a particular type of rage in my heart that I keep for comments like this (on a sweet story about a deer getting out of a ravine because volunteers built steps for him, & how he reunited with his herd)

Skincare was very simple when I was a teenager. There was eye make up remover (blue), toner (see through) and moisturise (white). Now everyone wants me to pay £35 for 5% Squaimic Acid

*saying affirmations in the mirror* I am a big horse. I am a beautiful horse with powerful legs. I am fifteen hands tall. No one can catch me because of my powerful horse legs and wild nature. I have all the apples I want

I’m trying to find some office space in Glasgow and literally everyone I’m talking to has the same name as me I thought in some cases it was the same person but no. Louises love to organise space (Also if you have cheap office space in Glasgow hmu)

Did not appreciate the tone with which the waitress at the pizza restaurant looked at my student ID tonight. I didn’t appreciate that at all

You just can’t get mad at February. It’s barely here and it’s gone. It’s just a little guy

High points of the night: got a free pizza & glass of wine cos my friend saw a mouse running down the stairs of the restaurant Low point of the night: half an hour trying to get the front door key to my friend’s flat to work (at half past midnight)

What age is the cut off for Blind Date references? I’m getting blank looks for my “same question, contestant number 2”s lately

"The men implicated in the Epstein files reinforces that I spend half my life explaining to men that their simplified, optimistic view of other men doesn’t line up with the experience of women and girls trying to dodge sexual harassment, assault and abuse attempts." - Leslie Morgan Steiner