queer eye would’ve been a much better show if it was just five new gay guys every episode not even helpful ones they’re just like eating the stuff in your fridge and telling you to quit your job

you knowwww the outfits good when the uber driver asks you if you know jesus

everyone’s like “you should get diagnosed! you should get diagnosed!” and it’s like okay what ever happened to letting a woman be eccentric

one thing about gay guys is they’re gonna push the hell outta you

weird how whenever i don’t go outside during the daytime i start thinking that everyone i’ve ever met wants me dead

before i eat anywhere i check to make sure the chef has gauges

i love getting randomly added to an acquaintances close friends like yesss diva your mom IS a huge bitch and yeah i do wanna hear 30 seconds of a song that reminds you of your ex

it sucks that because of AI you can’t even believe pet videos anymore it used to mean something when a dog used a jet ski to save a boy from a shark attack

it’s hard being atheist with a catholic brain like i don’t believe in god but i do believe getting on my knees for a man can fix my problems

every year it’s always “imagine how you would feel if you were the turkey!” as if i haven’t been laid out on a table completely naked oiled up and spreading open my delicious hole for 12 people

it’s time to play why isn’t cousin in the family photo i’ve narrowed it down to jail, military, or gay

they are doing a ginger party at the abbey and i just wanna say that i think it’s fucked up to rob people just because they have red hair

The AI chatbot Jesus is just like regular Jesus but instead of turning water into wine he turns water into water that if you drink it you die

everytime there’s a new reason to boycott starbucks i’m surprised how many people are resistant they’re like noooo not my piss from the toilet! it’s fall! i need my big cup of pumpkin piss! i love paying $8 for my grande oatmilk piss with 3 shots of piss and extra piss foam!

of course these AI developers think they’ll be able to mimic people’s personalities their personality could be mimicked by a fucking doormat

i don’t know i guess i just feel like it’s really really easy to not be friends with the number one pedophile

Heyo! I am producing this event in December and I'd love to see you there! @siridahl.com's First Thirst LIVE at the Elysian Theater on December 8th! @littlepuck.bsky.social will be there discussing her first pop culture crushes, as will @haydenjohnsonn.bsky.social and Big Tim Murphy!

it’s a real problem that the only people using gender neutral restrooms are transgender or about to take the craziest shit of their entire life

i love when a guy is like “socialism sounds nice but the math doesn’t add up” it’s like brother you use chatgpt to make your grocery list you don’t even do kid math

you know they’ve got nancy pelosi up late right now trying to teach her tiktok dances

Shocked to hear about Dick Cheney’s passing, my condolences to his wife Pussy

i might be dressing to slutty because i was just walked by a hotel and this security guard said “don’t even think about coming in here” i was walking to taco bell

dog jesus: i turned this wine into water from the sink

i think all protesting has its purpose but maybe next time the signs can be a bit more “abolish ice” or “free palestine” instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”

cuomo going on logan paul’s podcast in an effort to win the “young people with no friends” vote

i love halloween because every year it gives closeted trans people the chance to experiment closeted trans women go as female characters closeted trans men go as male characters and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever

AI is doing 24/7 surveillance, compiling watchlists, and causing kids irreversible emotional damage AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water

everytime zohran pops up he’s like “we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!” and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like “all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”

they want to convince you that trans people live completely different lives than you, but that’s just not true! we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”

happy national coming out day to the first 8 guys i slept with, maybe this is the year!!!

who do conservatives want to play the halftime show??? i’m sure if i asked my uncle he’d be like ohhh it’s gotta be Bobby “The Sticks” Applebees and then it’s like a guy whose whole discography is about cheating on his wife and also he’s been dead for thirty years

they should invent a feature where you can search for people by pronoun

I am OUTRAGED that Netflix has a kids show with a “nonbinary” cow. Back in my day, we had normal looking cows (boys) and cows with a tiny waist, a big long ponytail, lipstick, blush, eyelashes, a big bow in its hair and two hoop earrings (girls). Why do they keep forcing this gender stuff on us?

my photos app thinks my three best friends are my ex, joe biden, and a girl i haven’t spoken to since 2016

wow i can’t think of anything worse than being taylor swift right now

i actually love the idea of an AI actress because i hate when women are also people

(presidential debate 2027) JD VANCE: poor people are poor because they don’t work hard. GAVIN NEWSOME: i will personally imprison every homeless person. THE ROCK: maaaan kevin hart is short as hell!

every AI ad is like “hey gemini, what would i have for lunch?” and then the phone is like “sandwich” and the guy is like “wow”

In Texas, the fine for a DUI is $2,000 The fine for trans people using the “wrong” bathroom is $125,000 This is because trans women piss so much and so hard that if they don’t use a boy toilet, the pipes explode, which makes peepee poopoo flood the streets and causes hundreds of car accidents.

most trans people aren’t dangerous and the ones that are dangerous are too busy railing me to do anything bad

so every conservative can say the shooter was a 10 foot tall tr*nny who eats babies and killed george washington but jimmy kimmel can’t say that maybe it was just some guy???

yeah one of my biggest issues with trans porn is that halfway through they always stop kissing, turn to the camera, and repeat “assassinate charlie kirk” for 20 minutes

i never thought i’d see the right so determined to make a young christian man transgender they’ve got kash patel putting wigs on that boy while telling him he has beautiful bone structure

“transgender ideology” and it’s just a depressed person who uses discord

one of the funniest things the right insinuates is that all trans people agree with each other

i wonder why people are dehumanizing a guy who spent his whole adult life making money off dehumanization

is there already a list of transgender people who own guns? does that list have their phone numbers? does the list include if maybe they’d want to kiss me? america deserves to know!

ah yes malcolm gladwell, the genius behind “if you do one thing a bunch of times you’ll get good at it”

many people live in tgirl desserts where you have to drive hours to get to the nearest tgirl when i’m president, i will make sure every american has access to tgirl

Like many of you, I thought Donald Trump was dead. So, yesterday I bought 6,000 eggs in order to sell them back at a higher price once his death was announced and prices skyrocketed. Now, I need to get rid of 5,980 eggs. I ate 20 today in a panic and I feel so so sick right now. Please help me.