I ate spinach in texas. watch this space for updates.

john travolta.gif showing up to my 8am classes

jfc there are more medallions now and two little airplanes. this is definitely bad for brains.

every now and then I have to remind myself of how visually looney tunes everything has gotten

there is only one bathroom ready to meet the moment and it is in a vietnamese restaurant in seattle

choosing to believe this

This place is not prepared when Trump kicks it. They’re gonna have to launch a script that’ll ban all of us simultaneously. Real nuke from orbit shit.

we don’t say “he died” we say “he speaks with the mitches”

Overheard a TV suit bragging about feeding scripts to an LLM & asking if they would be profitable, then using AI to summarize & give notes on scripts in production. my guy, there’s 2 ways this goes: your system sucks & your fired or your system’s awesome & you’re fired, either way, great work genius

for the NedHeads: new Ned (the wheaten) learning about mulch with his brother. t minus 3 weeks until he hops off the plane at LAX with a dream and his cardigan.

new laptop sticker

you should have to run and serve two terms as municipal dog catcher before you can do anything else. this would solve a lot.

I asked what animals I could hug at the zoo and Colin said he looked it up on the internet and the answer was none.

things used to be good

the hardest looking dude in my neighborhood makes sure his dog is wearing her pink crocs before they go out so she doesn’t hurt her feetsies 🥹

[holding a bag of army guys and lube] I’m Odysseus, and this is the Trojan horse.

unfortunately I was introduced to Ellie the Elephant at the Liberty game and now I believe in American exceptionalism

“Ladies and gentlemen this train is out of service due to someone throwing up on the train and we cannot isolate it”

fuck around compete

I hope lots of people go to hell 🙂

this makes perfect sense once you know he’s an alt-right post-democracy freak who thinks we should live in gov-corp city states under CEO dictators.

Born to be middle aged

we should leave early to go into the city for your birthday... because there's a parade... for you... everyone is really proud of you.

Ned was not sure about this thing at first.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY PUPPY AND HIS BROTHER PLAY ON A SLIDE

this is a real “open for a surprise”

Would you like more footage of my puppy playing outside with his brother?

I know I shouldn’t but Colin’s review copy is right. there.

cuck chair laundry. like technically participating in being clothes but not really.

I love coyote media but this is out of pocket

when people ask me if I feel safe as a woman living alone downtown I always say “absolutely except for the cars”

Here’s some more current information from today & additional resources Please boost

east side friends, that smell is STILL that nasty stuff from the warehouse fire earlier this week. be careful out there!

so you wait to baptize your kid, go to church at home, skip Mary and the saints, don’t like pictures of jesus if he looks too fancy then and pick a fight with the pope?? brother, if you’ve got more notes get a hammer and nail.

Would you like to see my puppy touch grass for the first time with his brother?

this reminds me of the dumbest thing I’ve ever done which was trying to siphon old rainwater out of a broken hot tub with garden hose and giving myself parasites.

JD Vance’s Communion is a bog standard Politician’s Book, what you write before a presidential run. But that it’s written for a reader that doesn’t exist, about a country that doesn’t exist, by a man that doesn’t exist, and thus is alternately baffling & offensive. My review for @newrepublic.com:

skeeting this now so I can do a prophetic reskeet later: he's gonna do a Pope Benedict and "step aside" instead of getting removed from office. dude's going downhill on rollerskates.

having a low stakes boondoggle to use as a metaphor for consequential things is nice

holy shit. it just got so dark in the historic core I thought it was going to rain.

in discussing this... whatever it is, I can only describe JD as "Not even convincing as an unlikeable guy. Like someone who’s heard of an unlikeable guy and his doing his best human impression."

Few people I’d want to read about New York’s architecture like Allison Meier. Slam that preorder button, folks

you do not need AI to dunk on Joe Rogan.

I feel like I have some followers who will understand how truly batshit bananas this is.

succumbing to the midwestern urge to drink trucker sized iced teas all day then wondering you can't sleep

The world is ready for my woke MMA league. I am ready to quit my job to be its elusive, glamorous commish.

somebody go down to the candlelit lagoon under MSG and tell billy joel we don't need a halftime show

If those were my guys, I’d have them put the tarp up for safety. I’d also call the phone the horn and the bathroom the can because i’d be a union boss.

i am begging bosses to understand that hanging out is working for free. when I retire, Im going to tell everyone to take the time they would spend at a party and just kick off early.