Hapfee! Eisterr!

Excommunication isn’t really exciting. you catch an auto block from the catholics just for having an abortion. I was about to say they should invent something super theatrical to punish people like vance but then I realized I was reverse engineering the inquisition (also bad)

Boston is incredible. I was walking down the street wearing a Dodger’s hat and a fully grown man turned around and yelled AH HATE YA HAT

First day working in a new theatre and company management told us all the good hiding places in the event of an active shooter. cool society we live in!

abolish the college admissions essay requirement

I choose to believe this is a little bathrobe and you have walked in while the little belt is undone and it’s open

I know a guy who lit Margaret Thatcher he didn’t goof, he didn’t miss.

every man in Boston looks like a different type of thumb

filed in an increasingly thick folder called “Pulp Fiction was a Mistake”

people are actually posting they can’t give up something from childhood. I can because I am a grown adult. if a Popple said something transphobic, I’d punt it.

"um, yeah, I'm the wallet inspector."

I’ve been doing a deep dive into 2002-2007 actress albums made at (seemingly) gunpoint—Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton. If I’m being real, the one with the bops is Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Can I say something without everyone getting mad? Ready or Not is more fun than Kill Bill.

what will she write now

you wanna radicalize everyone in the admirals club? ok bet.

Someday...

I watched The Lure last night and they should’ve given that woman La La Land money. no I do not understand “returns” on investments I work in theatre and academia

A thing I’ve learned about myself in the past 24 hours is that every word of the 2001 novelty hit “Because I Got High” by Afroman is seared into my brain

I searched “bedroom” in my camera roll and

Oh my boyfriend? You wouldn’t know him, he goes to

christine stays mad

they wouldn’t let me post “this is less wet soup”

correct, rude. fuzzy thing takes up 2 seats or blocks the doors and if I saw it I would think oh great another gd day I guess it beats the guy who huffed paint

a bunch of feral cats live in the ruins where caesar was stabbed. they have too many ruins in rome so they gave one to the cats. I think that’s nice

search your camera roll for “Hell” (hello counts)

my pocket almost posted this and frankly I would consider nuking this account

writing off botox because my constant placid expression keeps me employed

I just found out about moonraker which is a film that is not about raking the moon, it’s worse and I’m furious

I wouldn’t say “breaks in” so much as came over.

I get around the city quite easily, and only ever spent like, $50/month on train/bus fare. If you take the train enough times in a day/week, they comp your rides :3 love me my LA metro

every time I read the news and it’s like “yep the war is raising gas prices and Gary here’s been paying a dollar more since the war began because the country’s at war and these are wartime problems during a big war” I feel like I’m huffing glue. One lunatic just woke up and decided this!

2026 is truly the year these weirdos reverse engineered protestantism

Anytime I hear about AI at drive throughs, I think about how the McDonalds bot hallucinated a 200 chicken nugget order and I bet the little window opened and they all avalanched out like a winning slot machine.

RIP to anyone in LA who has to work tomorrow and get their day wrecked by the marathon on one hour less sleep.

Today only, you can get a Bikini Kill sweatshirt that benefits the trans continental pipeline. Now that I’ve secured mine, I can post the link.

Dog floods owner with criticism and ideas to eat chicken bone from gutter. Will his owner listen?

losing your job over air force fuckgate is a hell of a way to go out

"How do you think Judgment Day will go for you with so much blood on your hands"

every fuckin time

this is unhinged, they are fine. they are sigma. they call dating “talking”. none of us should know any of this.

I’m getting a puppy this summer and right now i’m cleaning my apartment taking great joy in the thought that this mammal will fuck up my life for a year.

every day a little closer.

I just learned there's a quiet little ambient band called (((O))) and now I want to go to the concert to see how many confused bearded dudes show up with muff ear protection.

You get the Los Angeles you go looking for.

I need somebody to log on and tell me if I hated I’m Thinking of Ending Things

The purpose of this website is to help unburden your brain by releasing horrible sentences that live in there like demons

men would literally rather go to therapy than do committee work

It Happened to Me: I complimented a student’s My Bloody Valentine shirt and they said “it’s a band?”

if we’re posting hot fruit takes