An aquarium will straight up tell you if an animal is delicious. You’re not gonna get that from a zoo.

on my way to steal your girl

I’m at the Ross Dress for Less, I’m at the Museum of Illusions, I’m at the combination Ross Dress for Less and Museum of Illusions

New idea: the MacArthur Idiot Grant, to encourage fuck-ups with bad ideas

everyone on this site has poster’s madness today (not me, I’m built different)

doesn’t change the odds it’ll happen today

hitting up the $2 Circus Circus shrimp cocktail to cut weight before my fight

I brought this for legit reasons and am now just doing a third order bit.

ah yes, the special occasion known as “female birthday”

is it cake? (yes)

“here’s how you fly it”

I was lucky enough to know Rafe and if you haven’t heard his name or about the work he’s done, you should read this. a truly passionate, extraordinary man.

I would like to know 10 bands you’ve seen that are so shameful you could write an article about the choices that brought you there in The Cut.

you simply must watch this video. you simply must.

live updates from a mercury rev set

The AI news is bad but I bet you'll feel better if you read something by a physicist on the kind of sick one these guys say they are. it's cool and weird to think about what might be happening right now instead of losing your job and driving uber on mars in the next 7-9 years

at our commencement special faculty members get to hold little batons with medals on them and the year I got one everyone broke theirs by fidgeting, playing star wars, bopping someone, or reenacting the Beyoncé lemonade video (me)

get in luther, we're ending romish idolatry

thus concludes a bad week as well as my fucked up teeth era as well as a brief stint going to work zooted on oxy. BUT ✨💖🫶🏻 I AM NOW ON A YEAR LONG SABBATICAL 💁🏼‍♀️😎💐

idgaf I’ll say it. I like it, it’s weird.

I am under babbied in that i am babby and no one babbies me

nightmare karaoke room

Please watch this amazing video from 1984, “Yo, Little Brother” from Nolan Thomas, I guarantee you will not at all be disappointed. I cannot say more, only that it will change your life in every way imaginable.

now that its theatrical run is finished I can finally tell you that Mother Mary was created by hooking me up to electrodes and only filming what pleased me

Saw this flare of color in a green yard and thought, that’s lovely, wonder what wildflower that is? On closer inspection, it turned out to be Flamin’ Hot Cheez Balls. Not native.

“it’s the ‘but’ that makes it weird. I’ve got big balls, he’s got big balls, she’s got big balls BUT we’ve got the biggest balls of them all. “‘and’ would be fine” “‘and’ is still wrong. but the ‘but’ is the worst.” “the but is the worst.” “the but is the worst.”

No one is more excited for this puppy than I am but I cannot post a picture because a day old puppy looks like an exhausted ferret.

In my lighting class I take a day to show my own contracts, agent’s rider, redacted taxes, a standard union agreement and how my fee compares to others on different shows. It is inevitably one of the most engaged classes of the semester. I’ve had students ask if the classroom is available to go OT

THE INTERNET IS NOT READY FOR MY PUPPY. HE WAS BORN TODAY. HE IS A GLEN OF IMAAL TERRIER. HE IS A TAURUS AND HIS NAME IS NED.

the chad leaving the dentist feeling great vs the virgin realizing you were just high as shit

I don’t know what’s going on here but I had the privilege of watching my 40 year old sister with a graduate degree learn that not every mammal gestates for 9 months…. like how long do you think it takes to make a rat, Marie

my transit app ranking went to shit because I know how to get everywhere now 😔

my only commentary is like half a dozen of these make me wish alexander mcqueen was alive. what a miserable loss.

if you hold a prop on the red carpet you should have to donate to the met and IATSE local 52

@andylevy.net stealing your bit #lgm [2 hours pass] fashion is stupid

Love @colindickey.com's Glacial Errata newsletter and this week is so good, speaking of the language we use! (Eternally bitter that the Dictionary of Americanisms at my dad's house that was cool as hell was destroyed by mold because I would have loved to have it.)

this is where I post from

you: may the 4th be with you me: 😌 and with your spirit you: what? me: we lift them up to the Lord

this is just dries van noten

Live shot of me finishing my last class of the semester.

manifesting 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ puppy 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️

I’ve been reading this huge book on somniloquy and it’s all quite difficult and dry but the studies they’ve done include some real bangers. “I got a problem. Most people do” “Hey what’s wrong with your little kid? THIS one” “Dixie cup lockups” “what d’you think a whale eats?”

this is Brian Eno, Aimee Mann and Enya erasure.

Not sure this is known outside of people who worked on the film but they had to pause shooting for Goodfellas because the FBI suspected the extras were committing fraud with prop money.

has anyone made a manspreading/ballroom joke yet? I’m not gonna write it, I’m an ideas guy.

zine forthcoming

If you want to completely check out for an hour, I recommend this album from 1964 of a guy talking in his sleep. Edward Gorey liked it so much he drew the cover art and turned it into a book.