My best friend (who is very different from me) doesn’t like it when I say we’re like one of those interspecies animal friendships, and I’m like this rare majestic bird and she’s that lizard with the flapping neck that charges at you while it screams.

My best friend (who is very different from me) doesn’t like it when I say we’re like one of those interspecies animal friendships, and I’m like this rare majestic bird and she’s that lizard with the flapping neck that charges at you while it screams.

And in one of the more autistic things I have done, I re-wrote the lyric for “Welcome to the Jungle” without the letter E.

*pulls a little piece of poo out of my pocket* Hello, new followers! You wanna see my lucky turd? It's a' perfectly round and a' perfectly brown... Oh, NOOOOO!!! I squished it!

🎵 I get knocked down, but I curl into a ball and wait to die You’re never gonna get me up🎵

The caffeine has hit my blood stream. I’m still indecisive, but I’m faster at it.

Just "Winning Friends and Influencing People," like I am so wont to do.

I don't like it when people post inane questions just to get engagement points, do you feel the same about it too?

Note to self: when someone says "you're one of my favorite people to hang out with" do not say, "I'm also one of my favorite people to hang out with," because although true and very funny to me (& probably other autistic people) most people don't seem as amused by it as I think they should be 🤷‍♀️

I'm gonna write a long, detailed handwritten 'Thank you' letter to everyone who mass-texts me "Happy Thanksgiving" this year and completely freak them the fuck out

A very large number of people view the world transactionally and they’ve managed to warp an incredible number of people to their world view. We have failed to fight this properly institutionally, technologically, and politically.

Listen, kid. You gotta listen to me. The hotsteppa will never here come. I know. I know. "Here come the hosteppa"🎶 But things change, okay? Things change...

imagine not being able to use your imagination. wrong

Best thing I learned in investigative journalism courses today (11/21/25): When investigating elder abuse moderate operational security must be implemented because "the nursing home lobby is politically powerful." LOL wut?

Incel is short for insect celebrity

RIP Steve. I figured you were sick but I just found out.🥹 You were a genuinely wonderful man and the world's a little darker without you.

In high school I was voted "Most likely to recede from the horizon, dissipate into water droplets, and form a mist."

You’re not supposed to say “midget” anymore. It’s “person with midgetism.”

Be cool as a cucumber. Jump on the bandwagon. See the forest for the trees. Go with the flow. Nip it in the bud. Bring home the bacon. Obey the prattling commands of the demon that lives in your fridge…wait what

I’m kinda shy at first but get to know me and you’ll be surprised to find that I’m also quite unpleasant, and sometimes just a straight-up asshole.

Fuck me AND the horse I rode in on? Ewww, don’t fuck my horse! Bunch of horse-fucking freaks.

Sharing my weed with the cows and the steaks could not be higher… I’m really sorry about this post. Truly, really sorry. I've been away for a while ok?

I literally dreamt I wrote a hilarious post last night, it was so funny I woke myself up from laughing. It was: "Snow White? How about snow permeance and the seven inbreds.” Yeah, I don't know either. 😑

Fucking Pearl. Always leaving me to clean up homicides alone *shaking my head*

I just followed somebody back. My social interaction tolerance is done for the day.

I've built a socioeconomic system that depends on everyone to do useful work and act ethically except the people at the top, who get unimaginable rewards for being antisocial frauds and criminals. And I think it will stand the test of time

This endless procession of events occuring constantly without any regard for my feelings about them is just kinda getting on my nerves you know?

The answer is there is none.

🎶I would do ANYthing for drugs Yes, I would do anyyyything for druuuu-ugs I would do ANYthiing for drugs But I won’t do crack No, no, no I won’t do crack 🎶

Every now and then the Earth's magnetic field completely switches poles, and all the polar bears and penguins have to change ends too.

I like to lie alone in the dark. And sometimes I look at pictures of horrifying skin diseases. But other stuff too! What other stuff? Oh my gosh, I mean, so much other stuff…

I just think it’s kinda fucked up that the g in longevity gets pronounced twice while the g in bologna gets zero love

I’m SORRY I told a guy on Twitter who said most women lie about sexual assault that I hope he gets gang-raped in prison. Sincerely, I’m sorry! I hope he only gets raped by one dude. (This is a joke btw. I don’t truly wish that on anyone but sometimes it’s SO tempting. I shouldn’t have said that.)

I scream, you scream, we all scream f̶o̶r̶ ̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ from the terror of lifetimes so brief they aren’t just an infinitesimal speck in cosmic time but effectively never even happened. Oh and happy Wednesday you guys!

hero

I like to lie alone in the dark. And sometimes I look at pictures of horrifying skin diseases. But other stuff too! What other stuff? Oh my gosh, I mean, so much other stuff…

I scream, you scream, we all scream f̶o̶r̶ ̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ from the terror of lifetimes so brief they aren’t just an infinitesimal speck in cosmic time but effectively never even happened. Oh and happy Wednesday you guys!

It’s not like I tell “EVERYONE” about Hugh, one of the two manatees at the local Mote aquarium who died from a ripped colon from having rough sex with his brother, I just tell everyone I talk to for more than 30 seconds.

Don’t be sad about aging. Aging is just your body’s way of telling you you’re dying.

“Meatloaf could get it.” -Real thought I just had. Not even embarrassed about it. It’s true.

It's getting dark in here* *my thoughts

“It’s all about self-respect,” I say to myself. “Don’t forget, you dumb bitch.”

Imagine being Canadian and all the time you have to be like, “I’m sorry, eh. Would you like some maple syrup? I have free health care. Brrrr, I’m cold!” because those are literally the only words you know? Pretty fucked up of you ask me.

Me: I have a doctor’s appointment at three today. Mom: Which doctor? Me: Ha! I wish!

Who called it singing out loud in the car when seat belting was right there?

“Hey bro, I’m bleeding from my dick!” “Sweet bro! Me too!” “Let’s have bloody butt sex bro!” “Okay bro!” *bloody butt sex ensues* (FACT: This conversation would happen verbatim, all over the world, at least 5 times a day, forever)

The ukulele group i run (we are really good, seriously! We get invited to do shows a lot for a ukulele club) will be live on the radio tonight at 7pm. if you’re in southwest Florida it’s 96.5 FM. WSLR.org

Oh, you think *I’m* gross?? I’m not the one shooting period blood from my dick-hole for “sport” thankyouverymuch.