This isn’t hard: the Nobel Prize for Best Song is just the music and lyrics while Best Record includes the production, recording and mixing.

All my comics have happy endings!

That little plane’s scarily close

Londoners! One of the very best, @garygulman.bsky.social is at the @sohotheatre.bsky.social all week sohotheatre.com/events/gary-...

While I was sadly not selected for the main festival I’m delighted to announce I will be self-producing my show at the Riyadh Fringe. Sure I’ll lose money because the tent only seats 30, but it’s nice to be in the conversation.

Huge congratulations to Nate Bargatze in his side gig www.bbc.com/news/article...

it's certain that they'll see you canceling shows and say "thank you, this is enough. we're pleased now."

Wait so social programs aren’t just morally right, they ultimately save that society money? If only this were also backed up by every other study ever.

While I appreciate the sentiment it's important not to spread misinformation: these aren't journalists, they are the actors Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman

Crowd interaction at the Frog and Bucket

The important thing is he called for humans to be murdered in a civil tone.

“awful people don’t deserve to be killed, but they don’t deserve to be praised, either” is apparently a thought too complex for the pundit mind

Ok but hear me out: what if when Starmer does this with Farage it actually works this time?

@Grok is this true?

A quisling among quislings

Q: What do you call a seminal mid to late 20th century musician known for eclectic, genre-spanning songs and wide-ranging collaborations who's done Theatresports Level 1 at Improv Olympics Chicago and taken its warm-up exercises to heart? A: Frank Zip Zop Zappa

I hope his family sues the shit out of them

Joke all you like but last time I was in a “safe” Blue city I saw a whole gang of people clicking their fingers in unison. Some did high kicks.

Why does this look like a hospital deathbed?

this should be where you can pet a dog if you're anxious

This is some real final destination shit. You can’t cheat death www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Hallo friends! If you’re seeing this please give it a bit of love for the algorithm. Hey! I’m in London! I’ll be at Soho Theatre 6-9 August doing my very silly show A Passion For Passion and in Edinburgh after then. 🎟️https://www.alicecomedyfraser.com/upcoming-gigs

@robinince.bsky.social They got distracted midway through writing your name

Did you lose this photo at Boston Logan Airport? Looks like an engagement pic. I have it. DM me

I’m more of a middle honcho

If Einstein is such a genius how come he’s dead?

He’s clearly in the pocket of Big Bird’s

All my cats are pissed off at me this morning. Albert the cat goes in to get his teeth out today so none of them have eaten since bed time. It’s like sharing a house with Hobbits. Anyway Albo’s teeth are pricey, so if I’ve entertained you ever and you’ve a couple of bucks spare

Is this good

I haven't told Bluesky yet that I'm touring. Please come and see me tell jokes. Tickets: www.mattkirshen.com#tour-section

I, a responsible journalist am still going to call Musk’s earlier action a “contentious arm gesture” because there’s no way to know his true mind

A glorious victory!

Ex Fred

“My hotel room key stopped working a day early at exactly noon so they definitely programmed it wrong but the receptionist said, ‘Perhaps you put it close to your phone and it demagnetized.’”

Cool that a stopped clock’s right twice a day but they should have a system to tell you when that is, or what’s the point?

The fact that they’ve made a movie where the friggen *Wicked Witch of the West*, the actual evil lady who cackles and does despicable things, the fact they’ve made a movie where she’s the good guy? That tells you pretty much everything you need to know about society today.

Hamilton Nolan is always on point, but today he is especially on point. www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/youre-a-bu...

Another good man cancelled by woke

Soy milk? Hola milk, soy papá

Just realised AI bros are like incels but for anyone who has or can make stuff. Indulls?

Thanks to everyone who came to see me in Europe. So. Much. Fun. Next up is America. Tickets are available here sarahmillican.co.uk My podcast is @standardissueuk.bsky.social

Girl-bossed too hard and now I’ve been summoned to a girl-ployment tribunal.

[Paul McCartney voice] Spu-uds Mackenzie Chugging a beer, he’s a dog but he acts like a guy No one knows why

This kid is 15, and so has a moral clarity and uprightness that no adult elected official would or could ever have. There aren't really and never have been two sides of this issue, but if it has to be argued as a binary thing I don't see how anything less than this could seem like the side to be on.

What's the German word for when you accidentally do a happy birthday post for a FB friend who's died?

Wait so Max was HBO Max all along?

The last time i performed in London was 1989 - the comedy store in Leicester Square after my shift at the Odeon West End. It was an open mic, I was wearing my uniform. I just watched “high spirits“ 26 times and I got to see Princess Diana and Prince Charles go to the premiere of Roger Rabbit

He’s his own Bo Selecta mask